Answer Podcast
Transcriptions
Question: If our children do not become devotee, are we failing in our primary duty?
Answer: We have often heard this phrase – “Parents’ primary duty is to liberate the child.” This aspect of parenting should not become a burden on the child.
Sometimes it may happen that, despite having the greatest parents, the child may not become a devotee. We see in Chaitanya Charitamrita that one of Advaita Acharya’s sons did not become a devotee, but became a Mayavadi. Now, Advaita Acharya is an important associate of the Lord. The fact that his son did not become a devotee is not a deficiency in parenting of Advaita Acharya.
The mood in this sentence is that one should do one’s best to offer facilities to children for spiritual growth. One should not think of becoming a parent simply as just an ordinary activity. It is not just a result of the biological activity of mating. One should see parenting not just a material responsibility but also as a spiritual responsibility.
At the same time, if our children do not become devotees, we shouldn’t see that as a personal failure. Sometimes something similar happens with spiritual masters also. Spiritual masters are far more potent than most parents, but sometimes some of their disciples may not become devotees. In contrast to parenting, the spiritual master-disciple relationship is formed on a spiritual basis and still sometimes the disciples may leave practicing bhakti.
Yes, at one level, it is heartbreaking for the spiritual master when the disciple gives up bhakti. But still, this is not to be seen as a personal failure of the spiritual master and certainly this should not be used to whip the disciple into submission. The disciple is an independent soul and the disciple may choose to give up bhakti. Similarly, the child is also a separate soul and if the child doesn’t practice bhakti, we shouldn’t make this as a personal antipathy. The relationship with the children should still go on irrespective of whether they are practicing bhakti or not.
If we take too much of a “holier than thou” attitude of moral superiority – “You know, you are giving up devotional life, one day you will learn a lesson. You will come crawling back. You will understand that I was right and you were wrong!” – it becomes an ego issue and even if they realize that they were wrong, their ego would not let them come back.
I remember one case of a child whose both parents were devotees. His sister also became a wonderful devotee. This child went through a difficult phase in his life and just gave up practicing bhakti. His parents were very concerned but the parents didn’t force him. One day this child went to a rock music concert. It was many years ago when Michael Jackson first came to India. There was a huge crowd, he pushed through, got a ticket in black, spending a lot of money. And then when he was there […]