Marriage Matters!
Visakha Dasi: Everyone’s goal is to enter and remain in that elusive condition called happiness.
To be happy we must be peaceful (in Krishna’s words, “How can there be happiness without peace?”) and to be peaceful we must be content with the situation we are in, whatever it is.
We could choose to accept our lot in life and be happy, even if we don’t completely settle our marital discord. “One should be satisfied with whatever he achieves by his previous destiny, for discontent can never bring happiness.” (Srimad Bhagavatam [SB] 8.19.24) In the circumstances of our life, there is no element of chance. They are the result of the law of karma, a law that cannot err, and they are our destiny created by our past activities. It is as futile to rail against our pains and misfortunes, as it is to toil to increase our pleasures. “Without endeavor, one can get the amount of happiness and distress for which he is destined, and one cannot change this. Therefore, it is better to use one’s time for advancement in the spiritual life of Krishna consciousness.” (SB 7.7.42, purport) A person, content in their circumstances, can still choose to improve his or her life.
This attempt to change is not a gnawing dissatisfaction with the status quo, but a desire to fulfill our responsibility as a husband or wife and to advance spiritually.
“For spiritual advancement, one should be materially satisfied, for if one is not materially satisfied, his greed for material development will result in the frustration of his spiritual advancement. [On the other hand], one should not be poverty-stricken, but one must try to be fully satisfied with the bare necessities of life and not be greedy. For a devotee to be satisfied with the bare necessities is, therefore, the best advice for spiritual advancement.” (SB 7.15.21, purport)
A historical example of a content husband can be found in the prince, Priyavrata. He was content to live as a monk but due to the needs of the kingdom, he was requested by his elders to marry and rule as King. His marriage and rule were a sacrifice of his own desire. Yet instead of being bitter, he was just as content as a husband, father, and king for he never forgot his purpose and he conquered the modes of passion and ignorance in all their aspects including lust, greed, and envy as well as anger, bitterness and resentment. Srila Prabhupada explains that although Priyavrata was forced to break his vow of celibacy, he did not look upon his elders with resentment but with deep respect.
Unlike Narada Muni and Priyavrata, conditioned souls bind themselves to misery by holding resentments. Forgiveness (which does not necessarily mean approval of the act that caused the problem), frees one from this bondage.
First contentment, then peacefulness, and then happiness all become reality when we learn to forgive. And the first person to forgive is oneself. We can’t forgive others unless we first forgive ourselves for our own mistakes and character flaws.
“One should try to keep himself satisfied in any condition of life—whether distress or happiness —which is offered by the supreme will. A person who endures in this way is able to cross over the darkness of nescience very easily.” (SB 4.8.33) A contented person remains so through all acts of providence, whether those acts involve change or a lack of change. Contentment is accepting oneself, one’s partner and one’s situation with grace.
