An Angel in Disguise.
Sukhayanti Devi Dasi: I guess angels come in all forms and shapes and may appear in the least expected places and circumstances. When I think of angels, I imagine those beautiful, magical figures with wings, sent by God to Earth for some divine purpose. Well, my angel did not have any wings and I cannot remember if she was beautiful or not as her physical appearance was of little significance. She was not magical per se; however, her appearance and the circumstances in which she came into and went out of my life, for me, was quite magical.
I was a young 22 year old woman who had just joined the Hare Krishna movement. Out of my own desire and drive, I decided to daily go out onto the streets of Germany and distribute Srila Prabhupada’s books. I did not have much conviction in the cause, in fact I was full of doubts; yet something drew me to that service.
When I had first joined the movement, and started studying those same books that I would later go out and distribute, I felt like finally, for the first time in my life everything made sense. All those burning questions in my mind and in my heart were instantly answered. It is not that I did not ever ask the questions before. I did, to some extent or another. I asked the teachers at my school and the books I read; I even looked a bit into the religion into which I was born. However, no answer was ever able to come close enough to satisfying me. Something was missing.
Then, when I met the Hare Krishna’s and joined the temple, I felt at home. Naturally, I wanted to share with others this valuable gift that I had received. However, although convinced to some degree of the value of my newly acquired belief, many doubts and concerns were still ringing through my brain. One such thought was that of me joining a secret, horribly dangerous, brainwashing cult. I knew it to be nonsense as it would have been an insult to my intelligence and good judgment to ever suggest that I was part of a religious cult. However, the mind who so expertly and easily plays tricks with us kept on whispering in my ears, “are you sure you are not being brainwashed?”. Laughing at the thought, I would shoo it away, only to find it coming back to attack me some days later.
Living in Germany did a lot to contribute to my mind’s playful games. In Germany of 2006, the Hare Krishna movement was still very much perceived as a cult. Whether it still is now I do not know, but it sure was back then. I remember walking down the streets with the books in my hands trying to hand them out to the various people I encountered and every once and a while hearing them say something nasty in German cautioning each other that I am from a cult. I would mainly ignore the remarks or try to brush them off as ridiculous when responding, but that mind of mine was so happy to cling on to each and every remark as it instantly told me “see, I told you so…”.
The day I met my angel was a regular day out on the streets of Germany. We were in a small town walking up and down the streets trying to hand out books and get a donation for them in return. I was not a great book distributor; in fact, I was quite horrible at it. But I was persistent and so I kept going out daily. After many refusals and maybe having succeeded in distributing a couple of books, I came to meet my angel.
She was a women, perhaps in her 40’s, with a very kind and gentle face. I stopped her and immediately felt a connection. I put one of my books in her hand and went on to deliver my usual lines. I had a good feeling about her and was convinced that she would take one of my books. Just as I was telling her that she can take the book in exchange for a small donation to help cover the printing costs, another lady approached us from behind. As she passed by us she spoke quickly but clearly enough for both of us to hear: “Be careful, she is from a cult”. She kept walking as she spoke, and disappeared in the distance.
I stood there speechless. My mind was racing, thinking, “oh no! here we go again, she was just about to take the book but now she will become alarmed, throw the book back in my hand and walk away horrified, to escape the evil danger she was in”.
To my surprised nothing of that sort happened. The lady stood there looking deeply into my eyes with a gentle smile on her face. I do not remember her saying anything, but her eyes spoke to me beyond anything words could ever express. It was as if she was telling me not to worry, and not to listen to every nonsense others had to say. Her smile gave me courage and strength as well as conviction. Her smile told me that I should always have faith in myself and never doubt my ability to decipher between right and wrong, good and evil. She kept the book in her hand, reached down to her wallet and handed me a donation, and with that she walked away, disappearing out of my life just as quickly as she came in.
I cannot say for sure, of course, that she was really an angel, but for me she was. It felt as though God had simply sent her my way so that I may find the strength to believe in myself and not be influenced by others. The way in which she completely ignored the other lady as though she never existed and as though she had not heard a word she said told me that I also need to ignore what is not beneficial for me and keep on focusing on what is true and important.
