Planet ISKCON

I am now officially in Wellington. Indra greeted me by sending a rainy, windy day, typical of Wellington.

On Sunday, I took my last trip for a few months to Aucklands Radha-Giridhari Mandira, for deity greeting, guru-puja and Bhagavatam class. Although I had gotten up late that morning, as a result of a late night the previous night, and a tuff final day of teachers training studies, I was asked by Abhay-caran Prabhu to give the Bhagavatam class. The verse was awesome, it dealt with the effects of time, and inevitable death. Death can really come at any second, but when we are nearer the fag end of life, when death is emminent, our bodies are so useless that it is so difficult to make the proper preparations to die.

Anyway, in my class I talked about my experience in nursing training, as I did part of a nursing course. I did my practical experience in a rest home, looking after an 83 year old man, with one leg, named Jack. That experience really changed my outlook on life. I decided firmly then that I didn't want my life to end up like that. I didn't, and don't, want to end up an old man, laying in bed all day, crying out of intense desire to engage in activities that my body is just no longer able to carry out. Every day I saw Jack he would cry for at least half the day, lamenting that he couldn't be with his family, that he couldn't go fishing, or stay at his batch in Whangamata. It was really heart breaking to watch.

Anyway, the thought of death has been heavy on my since the class. Really, what guarantee do we have that we won't die today, or during the night? Death is certain, actually, it's gonna hit you some time. It's not something you can think of entirely as being an event of the future, it could happen on your walk down the street, or on your flight down to Wellington.

Of course I didn't die on my way to Wellington, but I did spend most of the flight chanting, contemplating the reality that I am not ready to die successfully yet. Death is certainly coming some day, and I have a heck of a lot of work to be down before I can face that obstacle with determination. But if I can stick, with faith and conviction, to the instructions of my Gurumaharaja, then I have nothing to fear whatsoever. If I can remain (become) free from whimsical mindsets and activities, then perhaps I have a chance at perfection in this life. Otherwise, if I do stick to a whimsical attitude, Krsna makes the results clear "na sa siddhim avapnoti, na sukham na param gatim", no attainment of perfection, nor happiness nor the supreme destination.

note to self: you have to write an offering to Srila Prabhupada before Thursday...

Hare Krishna! Check out this new blog. It is written by Lilamayi Subhadra devi dasi. She is a disciple of Jayapataka Swami and expert pilates teacher. Her blog is about her efforts to spread Krishna consciousness in South Africa. Much recommended reading.

Hare Krishna! Check out this new blog. It is written by Lilamayi Subhadra devi dasi. She is a disciple of Jayapataka Swami and expert pilates teacher. Her blog is about her efforts to spread Krishna consciousness in South Africa. Much recommended reading.

I came across this rare interview with Pope Benedict the 16th. He was speaking to the German news media in preparation for his upcoming Germany tour. Here is a summary of some of what he said (I translated parts of the interview into English). I thought he made a lot of sense:

God is less prominent in the world. Water comes out of the tap, not from the spring. We no longer see God so much in every day situations.

Papst Benedikt XVI is visiting his old home in southern Germany. He wants to once again see the region that branded him has he grew up.

Themes on his tour: we need to rediscover God. That can unite the people, families, cultures and world. We can't go forward without direction from above.

Young people want to do something "good". I want to encourage that. However, young people are afraid of committing themselves to anything. Be it marriage or religion. But exactly that kind of surrender gives us strength. Young people need to have the courage for long term surrender.

Without God we cannot have ethical values, nor can we be happy as his creations (not just some random throw-away product of evolution).

Christianity is not just a collection of rules and regulations. I like to encourage a positive message. First we need to understand what we want then the rules and regulations start to make sense. For example: (regarding homosexuality) we need to see man and woman are made for each other. Abortion is forbidden in the commandment "though shalt not kill". Life starts at conception and ends at death. We can understand that automatically when we understand the positive things we desire from religion.

The problem in 3rd world countries like Africa is that technological progress is moving much faster than education in the "heart" matters. Without proper spiritual education we just get AIDS and war. We need a second dimensional in education beyond pure technology.

We need to develop more dynamic preaching programs. Not just focus on maintaining the ever shrinking status quo. African and Asian people are afraid of a cold analytical/rational religion. Catholicism is perceived as such.

There are lots of useful places in the church for women. Not everyone needs to be a priest. Being a priest is not the only great thing to do for the the church. We can find so many nice and valuable services for women.

Germans have become more open to the world, happier and more tolerant. The German mentality has grown into the world culture. We have become spontaneous, happy and welcoming and no longer have the stereotypical cold, punctual and efficient personality we had in the past.

Humour is very important to me. I'm not one for making many jokes, but life shouldn't be taken too seriously. There is an old saying:

angels can fly because they don't take themselves too heavy and seriously.

I came across this rare interview with Pope Benedict the 16th. He was speaking to the German news media in preparation for his upcoming Germany tour. Here is a summary of some of what he said (I translated parts of the interview into English). I thought he made a lot of sense:

God is less prominent in the world. Water comes out of the tap, not from the spring. We no longer see God so much in every day situations.

Papst Benedikt XVI is visiting his old home in southern Germany. He wants to once again see the region that branded him has he grew up.

Themes on his tour: we need to rediscover God. That can unite the people, families, cultures and world. We can't go forward without direction from above.

Young people want to do something "good". I want to encourage that. However, young people are afraid of committing themselves to anything. Be it marriage or religion. But exactly that kind of surrender gives us strength. Young people need to have the courage for long term surrender.

Without God we cannot have ethical values, nor can we be happy as his creations (not just some random throw-away product of evolution).

Christianity is not just a collection of rules and regulations. I like to encourage a positive message. First we need to understand what we want then the rules and regulations start to make sense. For example: (regarding homosexuality) we need to see man and woman are made for each other. Abortion is forbidden in the commandment "though shalt not kill". Life starts at conception and ends at death. We can understand that automatically when we understand the positive things we desire from religion.

The problem in 3rd world countries like Africa is that technological progress is moving much faster than education in the "heart" matters. Without proper spiritual education we just get AIDS and war. We need a second dimensional in education beyond pure technology.

We need to develop more dynamic preaching programs. Not just focus on maintaining the ever shrinking status quo. African and Asian people are afraid of a cold analytical/rational religion. Catholicism is perceived as such.

There are lots of useful places in the church for women. Not everyone needs to be a priest. Being a priest is not the only great thing to do for the the church. We can find so many nice and valuable services for women.

Germans have become more open to the world, happier and more tolerant. The German mentality has grown into the world culture. We have become spontaneous, happy and welcoming and no longer have the stereotypical cold, punctual and efficient personality we had in the past.

Humour is very important to me. I'm not one for making many jokes, but life shouldn't be taken too seriously. There is an old saying:

angels can fly because they don't take themselves too heavy and seriously.

A devotee named Radha Mohana das asked a question in class that got me thinking:

What is the largest amount of gold you have ever seen?

I realized that the largest amount of gold I had ever seen was a single 5 kg gold bar. Even that was at a friend's house many years ago (in the 80s).

Society is so degraded! Wealth nowadays is simply a number in a bank account. It doesn't actually exist. One computer glitch and it's all gone.

The governments of the world have slowly decoupled the value of money from gold reserves and linked it to real estate instead. The United States has a reserve of 8000 tones of gold (the weight of about 10 modern train locomotives). The price of gold today is about $20,000 per kilogram. That makes the gold reserve worth about $160 billion, which is quite a bit, of course, but not nearly enough to cover the $600 billion in circulation.

Things get more interesting when we look at the historic price of gold. In the mid 1970s the price of gold increased dramatically. In 1970 a kg of gold cost a mere $1000. It seems someone decided gold was no longer going to be the standard to measure wealth by. Indeed, more profit can be made if the money does not actually exist!

Yep, practically speaking money today has no real value at all. This is confirmed in the Srimad-Bhagavatam 5.16.20. The Bhagavatam also describes entire palaces made out of solid gold. Some of the great ritual sacrifices that were performed in ancient times would require more gold than was available on the entire planet today. We are such poor buggers these days. You think the 8000 tones of the American gold reserve is a lot? Think again. That amount of gold is a mere 7.5 metre cube (7.5m x 7.5m x 7.5m or 20m x 20m x 1m).

From another point of view even "real" gold wealth is unreal. It is just temporary matter. Actual real wealth is spiritual knowledge. That contributes to one's eternal benefit. It is not taken away when the body is slain. As the saying goes: "the last shirt has no pockets".

Still, some gold would be a good start.

I wonder, what is the largest amount of gold you have ever seen? (please comment)

A devotee named Radha Mohana das asked a question in class that got me thinking:

What is the largest amount of gold you have ever seen?

I realized that the largest amount of gold I had ever seen was a single 5 kg gold bar. Even that was at a friend's house many years ago (in the 80s).

Society is so degraded! Wealth nowadays is simply a number in a bank account. It doesn't actually exist. One computer glitch and it's all gone.

The governments of the world have slowly decoupled the value of money from gold reserves and linked it to real estate instead. The United States has a reserve of 8000 tones of gold (the weight of about 10 modern train locomotives). The price of gold today is about $20,000 per kilogram. That makes the gold reserve worth about $160 billion, which is quite a bit, of course, but not nearly enough to cover the $600 billion in circulation.

Things get more interesting when we look at the historic price of gold. In the mid 1970s the price of gold increased dramatically. In 1970 a kg of gold cost a mere $1000. It seems someone decided gold was no longer going to be the standard to measure wealth by. Indeed, more profit can be made if the money does not actually exist!

Yep, practically speaking money today has no real value at all. This is confirmed in the Srimad-Bhagavatam 5.16.20. The Bhagavatam also describes entire palaces made out of solid gold. Some of the great ritual sacrifices that were performed in ancient times would require more gold than was available on the entire planet today. We are such poor buggers these days. You think the 8000 tones of the American gold reserve is a lot? Think again. That amount of gold is a mere 7.5 metre cube (7.5m x 7.5m x 7.5m or 20m x 20m x 1m).

From another point of view even "real" gold wealth is unreal. It is just temporary matter. Actual real wealth is spiritual knowledge. That contributes to one's eternal benefit. It is not taken away when the body is slain. As the saying goes: "the last shirt has no pockets".

Still, some gold would be a good start.

I wonder, what is the largest amount of gold you have ever seen? (please comment)

I attended the Cardiff Rathayatra 2006 and took many, many pictures, as usual.

It was a nice peaceful festival. It was also, of course, much smaller than the London Rathayatra. After the street procession there was a festival in Coopers Fields park. Unfortunately, there was a rock festival going on nearby on the same day which probably kept some people from attending the festival. Nevertheless, it was very nice. Everyone was so happy (see the pictures)!

I met up with Joe, an old friend from Southampton University. He has since given up on the PhD he was pursuing. He has however achieved a brown belt in Jiu Jitsu (the martial art I also used to practice). He showed me some moves. Conclusion: I still know a bit, but I'm super-rusty.

Someone guessed my age and estimated me to be about 5 years younger than I am. It happens to me all the time. It is common that practitioners of Krishna consciousness look younger than they are. Or actually: we look our true age, but so-called "normal" people have abused their bodies with so much sense gratification that it prematurely ages.

The final kirtan with Janananda Prabhu and Candramauli Swami (who actually looked younger than I remembered him) was wonderful. I couldn't get enough of it. It was like frosted ecstatic cake with sugar on top, but without any of the side-effects. I thoroughly recommend it for everyone.

I attended the Cardiff Rathayatra 2006 and took many, many pictures, as usual.

It was a nice peaceful festival. It was also, of course, much smaller than the London Rathayatra. After the street procession there was a festival in Coopers Fields park. Unfortunately, there was a rock festival going on nearby on the same day which probably kept some people from attending the festival. Nevertheless, it was very nice. Everyone was so happy (see the pictures)!

I met up with Joe, an old friend from Southampton University. He has since given up on the PhD he was pursuing. He has however achieved a brown belt in Jiu Jitsu (the martial art I also used to practice). He showed me some moves. Conclusion: I still know a bit, but I'm super-rusty.

Someone guessed my age and estimated me to be about 5 years younger than I am. It happens to me all the time. It is common that practitioners of Krishna consciousness look younger than they are. Or actually: we look our true age, but so-called "normal" people have abused their bodies with so much sense gratification that it prematurely ages.

The final kirtan with Janananda Prabhu and Candramauli Swami (who actually looked younger than I remembered him) was wonderful. I couldn't get enough of it. It was like frosted ecstatic cake with sugar on top, but without any of the side-effects. I thoroughly recommend it for everyone.

I took a few photos of our day. I'm not a very brave cameraman, so I didn't get any photos' of the abhiseka, as I didn't want to stand in front of everyone.


Jhulan-Yatra


Jhulan-Yatra


One of the kirtana's of the day.


Trivikrama leads it up.


Krsna Book reading outside Tulasi-devi's house, in the memorial garden.


Ramadas deep meditation on Balarama's pastimes.


Bhakti Matt reading. He's just moved up a few weeks ago, just taking to brahmacarya, and already everything he has is orange!


Atul-krsna Prabhu relishing every moment of Lord Balarama's extraordinary usage of kusa grass to remove Romaharsana from the vyasasana. He is in town heading up the teachers training courses we are doing.

I took a few photos of our day. I'm not a very brave cameraman, so I didn't get any photos' of the abhiseka, as I didn't want to stand in front of everyone.


Jhulan-Yatra


Jhulan-Yatra


One of the kirtana's of the day.


Trivikrama leads it up.


Krsna Book reading outside Tulasi-devi's house, in the memorial garden.


Ramadas deep meditation on Balarama's pastimes.


Bhakti Matt reading. He's just moved up a few weeks ago, just taking to brahmacarya, and already everything he has is orange!


Atul-krsna Prabhu relishing every moment of Lord Balarama's extraordinary usage of kusa grass to remove Romaharsana from the vyasasana. He is in town heading up the teachers training courses we are doing.

Another week, another mid-summer Saturday Feast. This time was relatively small: only 4 people came. On the menu:

• Simple carrot and ginger soup (the blending of which cracked the glass jug of my blender. Oh, they just don't make kitchen appliances like they used to...)
• French braised summer vegetables
• Tofu, tomato and spinach subji (foolishly forgetting it was caturmasya)
• Yellow rice (with turmeric)
• Vegan mango lassi (foolishly thinking that the mango would be so sweet that only very little extra sugar was needed)
• Carob, date and nut balls (which didn't quite stick together the way I had hoped)

After lunch we did some chanting (kirtan) of the Maha Mantra, as usual. It was a little strange for J., who had not experienced such chanting before. But anyway, he'll get used to it.

We talked about the invocation to the Isopanisad. Superficially translated it makes no sense whatsoever:

"Complete, perfect, that, perfect, this, perfect, complete, is produced, complete, complete, taken away, complete, even, remains"

However, when translated by an expert like A.C. Bhaktivedanta Swami Prabhupada the actual meaning is revealed (I'm paraphrasing): the personality of Godhead is so complete that even though billions of self-sufficient universes come out of him, he is not diminished in any way. Spiritually, one plus one equals one and one minus one also equals one.

We also chatted about the nature of the illusion/reality we live in. Is maya real or not? The answer is quite simple. This world exists, but it is temporary, so it might as well not exist. How useful is $1 million if you only get to keep it for 10 seconds? This world is like that. So, better to do as Krishna advises and chant Hare Krishna in order to escape the burning house that is this world. That certainly is more appealing than going on the same old fleeting merry-go-round time and time again life after life.

Another week, another mid-summer Saturday Feast. This time was relatively small: only 4 people came. On the menu:

• Simple carrot and ginger soup (the blending of which cracked the glass jug of my blender. Oh, they just don't make kitchen appliances like they used to...)
• French braised summer vegetables
• Tofu, tomato and spinach subji (foolishly forgetting it was caturmasya)
• Yellow rice (with turmeric)
• Vegan mango lassi (foolishly thinking that the mango would be so sweet that only very little extra sugar was needed)
• Carob, date and nut balls (which didn't quite stick together the way I had hoped)

After lunch we did some chanting (kirtan) of the Maha Mantra, as usual. It was a little strange for J., who had not experienced such chanting before. But anyway, he'll get used to it.

We talked about the invocation to the Isopanisad. Superficially translated it makes no sense whatsoever:

"Complete, perfect, that, perfect, this, perfect, complete, is produced, complete, complete, taken away, complete, even, remains"

However, when translated by an expert like A.C. Bhaktivedanta Swami Prabhupada the actual meaning is revealed (I'm paraphrasing): the personality of Godhead is so complete that even though billions of self-sufficient universes come out of him, he is not diminished in any way. Spiritually, one plus one equals one and one minus one also equals one.

We also chatted about the nature of the illusion/reality we live in. Is maya real or not? The answer is quite simple. This world exists, but it is temporary, so it might as well not exist. How useful is $1 million if you only get to keep it for 10 seconds? This world is like that. So, better to do as Krishna advises and chant Hare Krishna in order to escape the burning house that is this world. That certainly is more appealing than going on the same old fleeting merry-go-round time and time again life after life.

  

After the great morning class by Adikarta I hopped on a train back to Manchester. On the way I stopped off in Hereford for an appointment with Dr. Philip Weeks.

The combination of irregular meals, too much heat, deep-fried foods, too much exercise and not enough sleep while I was staying in Swansea had temporarily put my digestion out of action. My body recovered soon enough however. Note to self: you must not stay in an unregulated environment for too long, else your body might not be able to heal itself.

Phil played a bit of a psychologist/counsellor role and got me to explore my hidden emotional world. He wanted me to understand, express and label my emotions. There is a washing machine full of emotions inside of me, just itching to be let out.

Example: he asked me what I would want to say to someone at Uni who puts me down, or insults me. After thinking about it for a while I answered that I would want to lecture them on their positions as not being their body and being too much absorbed in the false ego (ahankara). But that would be an intellectual response. He wanted an emotional reaction. I found this a very difficult aspect to get my head around. Indeed, that is part of the problem; I try to understand, I don't just simply "feel".

Philip felt that my medical condition was deeply linked to my suppressing my emotions. I'm doing a lot better now than even just one year ago, but there is only so much that he can do with acupuncture, herbs, tinctures, nutrition, drugs, magnets, homeopathy and Ayurveda (quite a repertoire, no?). The key to a complete cure is this emotional issue, since that is the underlying cause of my ulcerative colitis.

Quite simply: I don't value emotions. I don't think they are important. Western education reinforces this world view. Intellectualism is seen as supreme. Emotions are a necessary evil that pops up every now and again. Heck, I'm doing a PhD in Description Logic! No chance for emotions there.

Blocking out the so-called "negative" emotions doesn't make them go away; instead they fester inside of the body and come out in unhealthy ways (for example: colon ulcers). Paradoxically, by attempting to block the negative emotions we also stop ourselves from feeling and experiencing positive emotions. All joy and fun in life slowly disappears. We become miserable, cold-hearted logicians, instead of being bubbly happy campers.

I could see what Phil was talking about. He suggested I find an emotion role model: a profoundly emotional person whom I could deeply respect and imitate. That would help me to understand and value emotions.

After a long discussion Phil stuck some needles in my lower back (which was actually quite painful) and my arm pit. Apparently this successfully unblocked a prana / chi route into my digestion. Now more energy will be able to power those bodily functions. After the treatment I felt a strange kind of muscular fatigue; kind of like I'd been lifting weights for an hour. Acupuncture is powerful stuff. He also gave me a preparation that will help my body produce more enzymes and detox more.

Oh yeah, if anyone knows of a good emotional role model for me: please suggest.

  

After the great morning class by Adikarta I hopped on a train back to Manchester. On the way I stopped off in Hereford for an appointment with Dr. Philip Weeks.

The combination of irregular meals, too much heat, deep-fried foods, too much exercise and not enough sleep while I was staying in Swansea had temporarily put my digestion out of action. My body recovered soon enough however. Note to self: you must not stay in an unregulated environment for too long, else your body might not be able to heal itself.

Phil played a bit of a psychologist/counsellor role and got me to explore my hidden emotional world. He wanted me to understand, express and label my emotions. There is a washing machine full of emotions inside of me, just itching to be let out.

Example: he asked me what I would want to say to someone at Uni who puts me down, or insults me. After thinking about it for a while I answered that I would want to lecture them on their positions as not being their body and being too much absorbed in the false ego (ahankara). But that would be an intellectual response. He wanted an emotional reaction. I found this a very difficult aspect to get my head around. Indeed, that is part of the problem; I try to understand, I don't just simply "feel".

Philip felt that my medical condition was deeply linked to my suppressing my emotions. I'm doing a lot better now than even just one year ago, but there is only so much that he can do with acupuncture, herbs, tinctures, nutrition, drugs, magnets, homeopathy and Ayurveda (quite a repertoire, no?). The key to a complete cure is this emotional issue, since that is the underlying cause of my ulcerative colitis.

Quite simply: I don't value emotions. I don't think they are important. Western education reinforces this world view. Intellectualism is seen as supreme. Emotions are a necessary evil that pops up every now and again. Heck, I'm doing a PhD in Description Logic! No chance for emotions there.

Blocking out the so-called "negative" emotions doesn't make them go away; instead they fester inside of the body and come out in unhealthy ways (for example: colon ulcers). Paradoxically, by attempting to block the negative emotions we also stop ourselves from feeling and experiencing positive emotions. All joy and fun in life slowly disappears. We become miserable, cold-hearted logicians, instead of being bubbly happy campers.

I could see what Phil was talking about. He suggested I find an emotion role model: a profoundly emotional person whom I could deeply respect and imitate. That would help me to understand and value emotions.

After a long discussion Phil stuck some needles in my lower back (which was actually quite painful) and my arm pit. Apparently this successfully unblocked a prana / chi route into my digestion. Now more energy will be able to power those bodily functions. After the treatment I felt a strange kind of muscular fatigue; kind of like I'd been lifting weights for an hour. Acupuncture is powerful stuff. He also gave me a preparation that will help my body produce more enzymes and detox more.

Oh yeah, if anyone knows of a good emotional role model for me: please suggest.

For the last week I have been attending a course on Teacher's Training, run by the VTE, which is based in Mayapura. Atul-Krsna Prabhu teaches this course, as well as Bhakt-Sastri, Bhakti-Vaibhava, and Bhakti-Sastri Teachers Training courses. Tomorrow we start a week of Bhakti-Sastri Teachers Training.

This week past has been very insightful. We have learned alot about class structure, and basic teaching techniques. Alot of the theory we went over is pretty awesome. One thing that I think has become clear to me through this course is that the Loft styled preaching would benefit from adding more structure to it's approach of educating people about Krsna consciousness.

One thing I've noticed in the past is that alot of successful religious/spiritual/other groups utilise the system of courses in their teaching. For example, in many Christian churches there is the Alpha course, a structure 10 week course which ends in a weekend away. When facilitated properly this course works well. When I was a teenager I was actually a facilitator for a youth Alpha course at an Anglican church. People generally feel like they are going somewhere when you offer them a structured course, as opposed to just running constant 'first-timer' classes to people everytime they show up at your door. They come each week, and learn something new, which builds on what they learned previously. For some reason this seems to be lacking in a lot of Hare Krsna centre. I don't know why.

The other thing that hit me about this course is that it emphasises the need for aims/needs driven education, as opposed to content driven. This is something else that I seem to fall into easily. It's easy to ignore the actual needs of the people you are giving a class to, and just focus on the content...but it's highly ineffective.

At the same time as being inlivening, this course is also exhausting. I have hardly been able to do much else at all, aside from attend the course. In just over a week I will be heading down to Wellington for my health focused period. It will probably be needed after this course.

For the last week I have been attending a course on Teacher's Training, run by the VTE, which is based in Mayapura. Atul-Krsna Prabhu teaches this course, as well as Bhakt-Sastri, Bhakti-Vaibhava, and Bhakti-Sastri Teachers Training courses. Tomorrow we start a week of Bhakti-Sastri Teachers Training.

This week past has been very insightful. We have learned alot about class structure, and basic teaching techniques. Alot of the theory we went over is pretty awesome. One thing that I think has become clear to me through this course is that the Loft styled preaching would benefit from adding more structure to it's approach of educating people about Krsna consciousness.

One thing I've noticed in the past is that alot of successful religious/spiritual/other groups utilise the system of courses in their teaching. For example, in many Christian churches there is the Alpha course, a structure 10 week course which ends in a weekend away. When facilitated properly this course works well. When I was a teenager I was actually a facilitator for a youth Alpha course at an Anglican church. People generally feel like they are going somewhere when you offer them a structured course, as opposed to just running constant 'first-timer' classes to people everytime they show up at your door. They come each week, and learn something new, which builds on what they learned previously. For some reason this seems to be lacking in a lot of Hare Krsna centre. I don't know why.

The other thing that hit me about this course is that it emphasises the need for aims/needs driven education, as opposed to content driven. This is something else that I seem to fall into easily. It's easy to ignore the actual needs of the people you are giving a class to, and just focus on the content...but it's highly ineffective.

At the same time as being inlivening, this course is also exhausting. I have hardly been able to do much else at all, aside from attend the course. In just over a week I will be heading down to Wellington for my health focused period. It will probably be needed after this course.

After reading the verse and purport Adikarta Prabhu quotes the Brahma Samhita 5.1 stating that everything comes from Krishna. Matter is an illusion and is compared to Krishna's smile.

Who are we to question the amazing things in the Srimad Bhagavatam? For example: nothing tastes as amazing as prasadam. Also, there may be so many great authors in the world, but none of them compare to the Vedas. So, even if someone made it all up, they would have been the most intelligent person to have ever lived. I'd certainly want to do what they say.

The Gopis are a prime example of complete surrender. They would gladly go to hell for Krishna. Other example of such pure devotees are Ambarisa Maharaja and Haridas Thakur. It is important to read these stories, because they keep us humble. We might sometime become a little proud of our advancement, but these stories put us in our place.

By Krishna consciousness we can realise that we are not the supreme controller. We should just endeavour to control the mind and take everything else as the Lord's arrangement, just like Jesus Christ did. Difficulties help us understand the nature of this material existence. If everything went well we would get too comfortable here. If we just stick to the process we will understand Krishna is actually our greatest friend. When things go wrong for non-devotees they become very disturbed, because they think this world is real. So, just do your duty. Don't listen to the mind and make great progress and make the world a better place.

Questions:

• How can we not let our false ego get in the way?
• This is not reality, so why are we so attached to home, family, etc?
• I'm not particularly inclined to family life, but as a woman how does one achieve the same spiritual position as a sannyasi?

Last word: if you want a really good husband, then you have to go to mangala-arati.

After reading the verse and purport Adikarta Prabhu quotes the Brahma Samhita 5.1 stating that everything comes from Krishna. Matter is an illusion and is compared to Krishna's smile.

Who are we to question the amazing things in the Srimad Bhagavatam? For example: nothing tastes as amazing as prasadam. Also, there may be so many great authors in the world, but none of them compare to the Vedas. So, even if someone made it all up, they would have been the most intelligent person to have ever lived. I'd certainly want to do what they say.

The Gopis are a prime example of complete surrender. They would gladly go to hell for Krishna. Other example of such pure devotees are Ambarisa Maharaja and Haridas Thakur. It is important to read these stories, because they keep us humble. We might sometime become a little proud of our advancement, but these stories put us in our place.

By Krishna consciousness we can realise that we are not the supreme controller. We should just endeavour to control the mind and take everything else as the Lord's arrangement, just like Jesus Christ did. Difficulties help us understand the nature of this material existence. If everything went well we would get too comfortable here. If we just stick to the process we will understand Krishna is actually our greatest friend. When things go wrong for non-devotees they become very disturbed, because they think this world is real. So, just do your duty. Don't listen to the mind and make great progress and make the world a better place.

Questions:

• How can we not let our false ego get in the way?
• This is not reality, so why are we so attached to home, family, etc?
• I'm not particularly inclined to family life, but as a woman how does one achieve the same spiritual position as a sannyasi?

Last word: if you want a really good husband, then you have to go to mangala-arati.

As Sitapati commented a few posts ago, Sir Ken Robinson gave a great talk at the TED conference. He is funny and makes excellent points about education and creativity. He explains how today's education is basically run for big business vaisyas (I'm adding a bit of a Vedic slant to his interpretation for effect). Education is not there to foster creativity, transmit values or culture. Instead, it is becoming simply a way to give people jobs. Mathematics and languages are considered to be the most important subjects, followed by humanities and then arts. Of arts music and drawing are considered more important than drama or dance. This is so everywhere in the world. The evil forces of money making have contaminated the whole world's priorities.

The result: children's potential is severely underdeveloped.

Sir Robinson also makes the point that education should not be geared simply towards people becoming University professors. All brain, no body, no emotion, no creativity. Those kinds of people consider their bodies just a means of getting their brain from point-A to point-B. Their is more to life than intellectual speculation!

As Sitapati commented a few posts ago, Sir Ken Robinson gave a great talk at the TED conference. He is funny and makes excellent points about education and creativity. He explains how today's education is basically run for big business vaisyas (I'm adding a bit of a Vedic slant to his interpretation for effect). Education is not there to foster creativity, transmit values or culture. Instead, it is becoming simply a way to give people jobs. Mathematics and languages are considered to be the most important subjects, followed by humanities and then arts. Of arts music and drawing are considered more important than drama or dance. This is so everywhere in the world. The evil forces of money making have contaminated the whole world's priorities.

The result: children's potential is severely underdeveloped.

Sir Robinson also makes the point that education should not be geared simply towards people becoming University professors. All brain, no body, no emotion, no creativity. Those kinds of people consider their bodies just a means of getting their brain from point-A to point-B. Their is more to life than intellectual speculation!

The day started with me waking up for mangala-arati at 3:45am.

I spent all of this fourth day of my visit to Wales in Cardiff. I was given the surprise task of working on the Cardiff Soul Centre's website. The old website was in a terrible state. The devotees had tried to get two or three different people to create their website with limited success. I felt like I was the only person in all of Wales who knew some basic principles of web design. Oh well, no need to complain, more service for me.

So, I spent all of the extremely hot day in a hot room with a hot running laptop working on a hot new website for the centre while being very nicely hosted by Premarasa das and Gopinatha das.

The fruits of my labour are online. Click to view the new and improved Soul Centre website.

I finally got back to Swansea very late at night at 11pm (yes, that's super-late for me) and somehow or other sleep-walked my way into bed.

The day started with me waking up for mangala-arati at 3:45am.

I spent all of this fourth day of my visit to Wales in Cardiff. I was given the surprise task of working on the Cardiff Soul Centre's website. The old website was in a terrible state. The devotees had tried to get two or three different people to create their website with limited success. I felt like I was the only person in all of Wales who knew some basic principles of web design. Oh well, no need to complain, more service for me.

So, I spent all of the extremely hot day in a hot room with a hot running laptop working on a hot new website for the centre while being very nicely hosted by Premarasa das and Gopinatha das.

The fruits of my labour are online. Click to view the new and improved Soul Centre website.

I finally got back to Swansea very late at night at 11pm (yes, that's super-late for me) and somehow or other sleep-walked my way into bed.

Check out this talk by world-famous life-coach Antony Robbins at this year's TED-2006 conference. Man, this guy is a good speaker (although very much in the mode of passion). It's not so much what he's saying, but the power with which he delivers it.

I think the most important point he makes is: emotion!

If you are creative, fun, energetic, focused and emotional enough you can do anything. People will listen to and follow such a person. So, do something worthwhile, become emotionally involved, invest your heart and win big. But how to find something worthwhile to do ...

Check out this talk by world-famous life-coach Antony Robbins at this year's TED-2006 conference. Man, this guy is a good speaker (although very much in the mode of passion). It's not so much what he's saying, but the power with which he delivers it.

I think the most important point he makes is: emotion!

If you are creative, fun, energetic, focused and emotional enough you can do anything. People will listen to and follow such a person. So, do something worthwhile, become emotionally involved, invest your heart and win big. But how to find something worthwhile to do ...

So, after that little one week test, I've decided to discontinue using my blog as a sadhana record sheet. The main reason is because I found it hard to analyse it in the format that it was in. Instead, what I'm going to do is just draw-up a suitable sadhana spreadsheet for myself, print that out and use that for a personal record. That way I can easily see when I am slacking off in some area. We have a semi-version of this as it is, in part of our sankirtana score sheet, but I want a more elaborate personal version, including similar headings that I used recently in my blog sadhana records.

Anyway, I am pretty much totally busy for the next two weeks until I move to Wellington...in fact I haven't got much more then a spare second at the moment...

So, after that little one week test, I've decided to discontinue using my blog as a sadhana record sheet. The main reason is because I found it hard to analyse it in the format that it was in. Instead, what I'm going to do is just draw-up a suitable sadhana spreadsheet for myself, print that out and use that for a personal record. That way I can easily see when I am slacking off in some area. We have a semi-version of this as it is, in part of our sankirtana score sheet, but I want a more elaborate personal version, including similar headings that I used recently in my blog sadhana records.

Anyway, I am pretty much totally busy for the next two weeks until I move to Wellington...in fact I haven't got much more then a spare second at the moment...

Some of Karana Karana??(TM)s yoga students commented something interesting. They were admiring Karana??(TM)s use of technology in her yoga sessions. Specifically, they loved how she used her trusty 12?? Apple Powerbook to both play the really nice high-quality background music and remind her of the lesson plan.

No paper. No cassette player (do those still exist?). No ugly monster computer filled full of virus and spyware that crashes every 5 seconds (although there was one like that in the office next door).

She could also, of course, access any other lesson plan, burn practice CDs for students, swap-in other music, print-out handouts (ok, maybe some paper does exist), create custom audio loops and time the class.

The students were saying that, in their experience, no other yoga teacher used technology at all, let alone in such an effective and impressive way.

We call it: yukta-vairagya. Here is an essay by Satsvarupa Dasa Goswami on the topic.

Some of Karana Karana??(TM)s yoga students commented something interesting. They were admiring Karana??(TM)s use of technology in her yoga sessions. Specifically, they loved how she used her trusty 12?? Apple Powerbook to both play the really nice high-quality background music and remind her of the lesson plan.

No paper. No cassette player (do those still exist?). No ugly monster computer filled full of virus and spyware that crashes every 5 seconds (although there was one like that in the office next door).

She could also, of course, access any other lesson plan, burn practice CDs for students, swap-in other music, print-out handouts (ok, maybe some paper does exist), create custom audio loops and time the class.

The students were saying that, in their experience, no other yoga teacher used technology at all, let alone in such an effective and impressive way.

We call it: yukta-vairagya. Here is an essay by Satsvarupa Dasa Goswami on the topic.

Saturday was very busy, therefore I didn't manage to review my Friday before now...and now my memory is affecting the reviewing process. Material energy means forgetfullness...

Friday:
Rose: 3:40 am
Sloka: 1/2 Gita verses recited
Japa: Not so bad. All in one sitting. Took 1 hour 50 minutes.
Morning Programme: Not attended, as I cook breakfast on Friday morning
Reading:2 hours
Exercise: 1/2 of yoga
Seva: Breakfast cook, kitchen clean, cleaned toilet, 3 hours of book distribution, preaching programme at the Loft (lead kirtana, gave class along with Balagopala, preached at the tables to the guests).
Rest: 10 pm

Saturday:
Rose: 5:30 am
Slokas: 1/2 Gita verses recited
Japa: nice, having spent much of previous night encouraging people to improve their japa.
Morning Programme: Not attended, busy chanting
Reading: 1 hour...
Exercise: none
Seva: 3 hours of book distribution, home programme at one contacts house (Indian family, involved kirtana, Ramadas gave the class, and then prasadam. Took about 3 hours all up.), had a discussion with Khela-tirtha about Krsna conscious philosophy for two hours before resting.
Rest: 9 pm

Saturday was very busy, therefore I didn't manage to review my Friday before now...and now my memory is affecting the reviewing process. Material energy means forgetfullness...

Friday:
Rose: 3:40 am
Sloka: 1/2 Gita verses recited
Japa: Not so bad. All in one sitting. Took 1 hour 50 minutes.
Morning Programme: Not attended, as I cook breakfast on Friday morning
Reading:2 hours
Exercise: 1/2 of yoga
Seva: Breakfast cook, kitchen clean, cleaned toilet, 3 hours of book distribution, preaching programme at the Loft (lead kirtana, gave class along with Balagopala, preached at the tables to the guests).
Rest: 10 pm

Saturday:
Rose: 5:30 am
Slokas: 1/2 Gita verses recited
Japa: nice, having spent much of previous night encouraging people to improve their japa.
Morning Programme: Not attended, busy chanting
Reading: 1 hour...
Exercise: none
Seva: 3 hours of book distribution, home programme at one contacts house (Indian family, involved kirtana, Ramadas gave the class, and then prasadam. Took about 3 hours all up.), had a discussion with Khela-tirtha about Krsna conscious philosophy for two hours before resting.
Rest: 9 pm

Next day in Swansea. This morning I was again (at the last minute) requested to give the Caitanya Caritamrita class. I somehow managed to speak something, but wished I had had more time to prepare.

Then, after a very light breakfast, having learnt my lesson from a few days ago, intensive yoga training. We started off with a new style of kundalini yoga that Karana Karana wanted to try out. I liked it. It involved lots of sun salutes synchronized with various mantras. I think it would be more accessible than the standard kundalini weird breathing stuff (though there was, of course, plenty of weird breathing in this set as well).

After the kundalini work-out came a full power yoga session taught by the aspiring yoga teachers. The students took turns to teach a few asanas each. Judgement: they were good. Really good! A little meek and unsure of themselves, but with a little bit more practice, Atma Yoga will soon have 10 new expert yoga teachers added to its ranks.

After the power yoga session came another power yoga session. Whew! This one was thankfully a little shorter than the last, but my body was nevertheless starting to rebel.

After the mega-yoga bonanza we had a late lunch. During lunch a devotee came up to me and asked if I wanted to give the Sunday Feast class (due to start in 15-minutes). They wanted to give their congregation a break from hearing from the usual two speakers, not to mention those usual speakers were still out on harinam and unlikely to be back in time. So I hesitantly agreed, not having a clue what I would talk about.

I decided to speak on a verse I really like: BG9.2. By popular request, here is a recording of the class (sorry about the terrible sound quality. I blame it on the cheap, piece-of-junk MP3 player that was used to make the recording. So please: never buy the cheapest electronics products, they are junk!).

(notice the new feature: this blog now has a build-in MP3 player)

After the class I served out the feast to the guests (not wanting to eat so soon after having lunch). Then, when everyone had taken, I also ate some prasadam ??¦ a short while afterwards I collapsed in a chair, exhausted both in body and in mind. Next stop: bed.

Next day in Swansea. This morning I was again (at the last minute) requested to give the Caitanya Caritamrita class. I somehow managed to speak something, but wished I had had more time to prepare.

Then, after a very light breakfast, having learnt my lesson from a few days ago, intensive yoga training. We started off with a new style of kundalini yoga that Karana Karana wanted to try out. I liked it. It involved lots of sun salutes synchronized with various mantras. I think it would be more accessible than the standard kundalini weird breathing stuff (though there was, of course, plenty of weird breathing in this set as well).

After the kundalini work-out came a full power yoga session taught by the aspiring yoga teachers. The students took turns to teach a few asanas each. Judgement: they were good. Really good! A little meek and unsure of themselves, but with a little bit more practice, Atma Yoga will soon have 10 new expert yoga teachers added to its ranks.

After the power yoga session came another power yoga session. Whew! This one was thankfully a little shorter than the last, but my body was nevertheless starting to rebel.

After the mega-yoga bonanza we had a late lunch. During lunch a devotee came up to me and asked if I wanted to give the Sunday Feast class (due to start in 15-minutes). They wanted to give their congregation a break from hearing from the usual two speakers, not to mention those usual speakers were still out on harinam and unlikely to be back in time. So I hesitantly agreed, not having a clue what I would talk about.

I decided to speak on a verse I really like: BG9.2. By popular request, here is a recording of the class (sorry about the terrible sound quality. I blame it on the cheap, piece-of-junk MP3 player that was used to make the recording. So please: never buy the cheapest electronics products, they are junk!).

(notice the new feature: this blog now has a build-in MP3 player)

After the class I served out the feast to the guests (not wanting to eat so soon after having lunch). Then, when everyone had taken, I also ate some prasadam ??¦ a short while afterwards I collapsed in a chair, exhausted both in body and in mind. Next stop: bed.

Thursday in review:

Rose: 4am

Japa: Inattentive. All chanted before 7am. Mind mostly focused on financial matters. (Imagine how much more of a distraction it would be if my financial worries involved a wife and children...full respect to anyone who can chant attentively with such serious responsibilities)

Sloka's: Recited all Gita slokas.

Morning Programme: Attended in full. Lead Guru-vandanam

Reading: 2 1/2 hours. Again, one hour of Bhagavad-gita, 1/2 of Nectar of Devotion and one hour of Krsna book. Finally getting a small taste for Krsna book.

Seva: 3 hours of book distribution. Cooked dinner. Managed accounts and drew up an analysis to see if we can actually afford for four of us to do this teachers training course. I think we will make it. Adjusted book acounts.

Exercise: 1/2 of yoga.

Rest: 8:20 pm

Reflections: If I can keep my mind focused on simple, humble service, perhaps I'll make some good progress in this life.
The pride issue is constantly present. I need to work on that. It always causes problems in terms of devotee relations.

Thursday in review:

Rose: 4am

Japa: Inattentive. All chanted before 7am. Mind mostly focused on financial matters. (Imagine how much more of a distraction it would be if my financial worries involved a wife and children...full respect to anyone who can chant attentively with such serious responsibilities)

Sloka's: Recited all Gita slokas.

Morning Programme: Attended in full. Lead Guru-vandanam

Reading: 2 1/2 hours. Again, one hour of Bhagavad-gita, 1/2 of Nectar of Devotion and one hour of Krsna book. Finally getting a small taste for Krsna book.

Seva: 3 hours of book distribution. Cooked dinner. Managed accounts and drew up an analysis to see if we can actually afford for four of us to do this teachers training course. I think we will make it. Adjusted book acounts.

Exercise: 1/2 of yoga.

Rest: 8:20 pm

Reflections: If I can keep my mind focused on simple, humble service, perhaps I'll make some good progress in this life.
The pride issue is constantly present. I need to work on that. It always causes problems in terms of devotee relations.

Wednesday, 26 July, 2006
Rose: 4am

Japa: All sixteen, in one sitting, before 7am. While I was attentive occasionally, over all I think this sessions fits into 'good idea' japa, where my mind just went wild thinking through aspects of philosophy, and how to present it properly. I think this was a result of putting in the extra time before bed studying to give Bhagavatam class. I must have re-written my whole class three times over in my mind during japa. This seems like a regular occurance on days that I have to give classes, especially if it's morning classes. I don't really know what the solution is. It's not like I can not prepare for them...because even then just knowing what the verse and purport are I seem to think about them. I guess I could do what Ravindra-svarupa Prabhu suggests. Sometimes you just have to trick the mind. He tells his mind "Look, I know you can focus clearly now on these points, but if you would just focus on the Holy Name now you would be ensured that throughout the rest of the day you will be clear from unneccesary thoughts anyway, and be just as focused as now. And being in that state of consciousness you could just think through all this same stuff. So for now, just listen." Maybe I'll try that next time.

Sloka's recited: All Bhagavad-Gita sloka's recited for memories sake.

Morning Programme: Attended in full. Even lead Gurvastakam, Nrsmha Prayers and gave class.

Reading: 2 1/2 hours. 1 hour of Bhagavad-Gita, 1/2 of Nectar of Devotion, 1 hour of Krsna Book. Fairly good quality and attentiveness.

Seva: 2 hours of book distribution. Still very tired. Managemental/accounting things done. Vacuumed, and cleaned the toilet. Had a meeting about the upcoming teacher training course and how we will be able to afford it.

Exercise: 1/2 hour of yoga. I hope I can continue to have the energy to do this daily.

Rest: 8:30 pm.

Reflections:
-I have noticed that since starting this regular sadhana record keeping, using my blog, I have actually reflected more often during the day on how to improve my over all sadhana. Previously I would often think of things to write in my blog, and now all of those thoughts are based around improving sadhana. I think if nothing else, this little exercise is successful simply because of that one point.
-I have tried to learn from the other day, to always beg Krishna for help before approaching a devotee to talk or ask questions. In some cases yesterday I remembered. Today, however, I made a comment on a question in Bhagavatam class, which though not wrong, seemed to me to be an expression of my pride. I realised then that I hadn't begged for Krishna to help me properly associate with devotees. I hope that one day I can be constantly mindful of the fact that I need devotee association to make my life successful, and I also need Krishna's mercy to keep devotee association.

Wednesday, 26 July, 2006
Rose: 4am

Japa: All sixteen, in one sitting, before 7am. While I was attentive occasionally, over all I think this sessions fits into 'good idea' japa, where my mind just went wild thinking through aspects of philosophy, and how to present it properly. I think this was a result of putting in the extra time before bed studying to give Bhagavatam class. I must have re-written my whole class three times over in my mind during japa. This seems like a regular occurance on days that I have to give classes, especially if it's morning classes. I don't really know what the solution is. It's not like I can not prepare for them...because even then just knowing what the verse and purport are I seem to think about them. I guess I could do what Ravindra-svarupa Prabhu suggests. Sometimes you just have to trick the mind. He tells his mind "Look, I know you can focus clearly now on these points, but if you would just focus on the Holy Name now you would be ensured that throughout the rest of the day you will be clear from unneccesary thoughts anyway, and be just as focused as now. And being in that state of consciousness you could just think through all this same stuff. So for now, just listen." Maybe I'll try that next time.

Sloka's recited: All Bhagavad-Gita sloka's recited for memories sake.

Morning Programme: Attended in full. Even lead Gurvastakam, Nrsmha Prayers and gave class.

Reading: 2 1/2 hours. 1 hour of Bhagavad-Gita, 1/2 of Nectar of Devotion, 1 hour of Krsna Book. Fairly good quality and attentiveness.

Seva: 2 hours of book distribution. Still very tired. Managemental/accounting things done. Vacuumed, and cleaned the toilet. Had a meeting about the upcoming teacher training course and how we will be able to afford it.

Exercise: 1/2 hour of yoga. I hope I can continue to have the energy to do this daily.

Rest: 8:30 pm.

Reflections:
-I have noticed that since starting this regular sadhana record keeping, using my blog, I have actually reflected more often during the day on how to improve my over all sadhana. Previously I would often think of things to write in my blog, and now all of those thoughts are based around improving sadhana. I think if nothing else, this little exercise is successful simply because of that one point.
-I have tried to learn from the other day, to always beg Krishna for help before approaching a devotee to talk or ask questions. In some cases yesterday I remembered. Today, however, I made a comment on a question in Bhagavatam class, which though not wrong, seemed to me to be an expression of my pride. I realised then that I hadn't begged for Krishna to help me properly associate with devotees. I hope that one day I can be constantly mindful of the fact that I need devotee association to make my life successful, and I also need Krishna's mercy to keep devotee association.

Tuesday, 25 July, 2006
Rose - 4:15

Japa - All sixteen rounds in one sitting. As I said yesterday, they were rather distracted at the end specifically, though better then the previous day.

Sloka recitation - All Bhagavad-Gita sloka's that I know were recited. 3/4 were done before I started my rounds.

Reading - 3 hours. 40 min of Bhagavad-Gita, 50 minutes of Nectar of Devotion, 1 1/2 hours of Krishna Book. Total nectar.

Seva - 2 hours of book distribution, very difficult on the body, still recovering. Kitchen cleaning was down morning and evening. I also spent a couple hours preparing for Bhagavatam class, which I gave this morning. I didn't have much energy at all, so reading and studying made up most of my days engagements.

Rest - 8 pm. I pushed myself too much last week, and considering I have just been sick for the last two months straight, I still have a bit of recovery work to do before getting back to a normal pattern of sleeping I think.

Other stuff - I need to try and use what energy I do have in a more regulated and planned way. Part of the reason I wanted to start keeping a regular record of my saddhana is so that I can start to plan my days saddhana better. That way I can control the mind and senses easier. If you know exactly what you are doing, and when, it's easier to tell the mind to shut up when it starts to present it's own confused desires.

I need to work more on begging Krishna for help when it comes to associating with devotees. I noticed a couple of situations yesterday where I tried to ask a question, or inquire about something, and did so in a way that came out challenging, even though I didn't really mean it that way. Even little offenses like that can affect attentiveness in japa. The best attitude is to develop a mood of constant prayerfulness, because without the mercy of Krsna we can't do anything right! I know for a fact that if I just rely on my own skills, especially when dealing with devotees, I will always just make offenses, and screw up big time.

Action plan - Make a more concrete day to day plan for all activities. I think this will heap give my mind more free space to develop a mood of constant prayerfulness, and also to control the mind and senses in general. Uncontrolled mind and senses leads to distracted japa, which leads to devotee offenses, which leads to inattentive and dry japa.

Tuesday, 25 July, 2006
Rose - 4:15

Japa - All sixteen rounds in one sitting. As I said yesterday, they were rather distracted at the end specifically, though better then the previous day.

Sloka recitation - All Bhagavad-Gita sloka's that I know were recited. 3/4 were done before I started my rounds.

Reading - 3 hours. 40 min of Bhagavad-Gita, 50 minutes of Nectar of Devotion, 1 1/2 hours of Krishna Book. Total nectar.

Seva - 2 hours of book distribution, very difficult on the body, still recovering. Kitchen cleaning was down morning and evening. I also spent a couple hours preparing for Bhagavatam class, which I gave this morning. I didn't have much energy at all, so reading and studying made up most of my days engagements.

Rest - 8 pm. I pushed myself too much last week, and considering I have just been sick for the last two months straight, I still have a bit of recovery work to do before getting back to a normal pattern of sleeping I think.

Other stuff - I need to try and use what energy I do have in a more regulated and planned way. Part of the reason I wanted to start keeping a regular record of my saddhana is so that I can start to plan my days saddhana better. That way I can control the mind and senses easier. If you know exactly what you are doing, and when, it's easier to tell the mind to shut up when it starts to present it's own confused desires.

I need to work more on begging Krishna for help when it comes to associating with devotees. I noticed a couple of situations yesterday where I tried to ask a question, or inquire about something, and did so in a way that came out challenging, even though I didn't really mean it that way. Even little offenses like that can affect attentiveness in japa. The best attitude is to develop a mood of constant prayerfulness, because without the mercy of Krsna we can't do anything right! I know for a fact that if I just rely on my own skills, especially when dealing with devotees, I will always just make offenses, and screw up big time.

Action plan - Make a more concrete day to day plan for all activities. I think this will heap give my mind more free space to develop a mood of constant prayerfulness, and also to control the mind and senses in general. Uncontrolled mind and senses leads to distracted japa, which leads to devotee offenses, which leads to inattentive and dry japa.

"'Kathy, I'm lost,' I said, though I knew she was sleeping"