(by Jayadvaita Swami - Copyright 2005 The Bhaktivedanta Book Trust. www.Krishna.com)
WASHINGTON Ever since a delegation of the United Demigods expressed alarm over global military buildups and returned from the Milk Ocean with reported assurances of help from Lord Vishnu, Lord Vishnu has been much in the news. Multinational corporations worry about him. Think-tanks try to figure out his next moves. Kings are said to fear his power. Everyone, it seems, has heard of him.
But who is he?
??oeWe??(TM)ve got a huge file on Lord Vishnu,?? said a highly placed official at the Central Intelligence Agency, speaking on the condition of anonymity. ??oeI??(TM)d say we??(TM)ve got more on him than on anyone else. Tons of data??"but all of it contradictory.??
Take his whereabouts, for example. Lord Vishnu is supposed to have his headquarters in the Milk Ocean. ??oeBut where the heck is that??? the official said. ??oeSometimes we hear he??(TM)s in Russia, sometimes we hear China, sometimes the Middle East, South America. And forget rumors??"I??(TM)m talking highly reliable reports. So what are we supposed to think? It??(TM)s like he??(TM)s everywhere.??
And, for that matter, what is he lord of? No one seems quite sure, the CIA official said. ??oeYou ask those demigod people and they just smile and say, ??~Oh??"everything.??(TM) What are we supposed to do with that???
Vishnu??(TM)s age? No one seems to know. His nationality? No one knows. His looks? From most accounts, he??(TM)s exceedingly handsome. But then some reports say he??(TM)s a dwarf. He seems to be a master of disguises.
Whatever he may look like and wherever he may be, at least some information about Lord Vishnu seems fairly consistent. ??oeFor one thing, he??(TM)s incredibly wealthy,?? the CIA official said. ??oeHe??(TM)s got gold, he??(TM)s got oil, he??(TM)s got diamonds, he??(TM)s got timber, he??(TM)s into biotech. I can??(TM)t tell you how much he owns. Anything he wants to do, he??(TM)s always got the resources. He doesn??(TM)t seem to have any limits.??
And he??(TM)s astonishingly well informed. ??oeHe??(TM)s got eyes and ears everywhere,?? said a source at the National Security Agency. ??oeIt??(TM)s like he knows in advance our every move. It??(TM)s uncanny.??
And he has power. ??oeHow much??? said a source at MI5, the British security agency. ??oeWe don??(TM)t know. But we??(TM)ve seen his forces wipe out whole armies, just like that. We believe he has nuclear weapons??"and maybe even weapons we don??(TM)t know about.??
Yet he doesn??(TM)t fit the profile of a terrorist. ??oeFrom his track record, it seems he supports all the best causes,?? said the source at MI5. ??oeYou could say that he??(TM)s outright benevolent.?? But he??(TM)s not all sweet and light: ??oeHe??(TM)s also got this other side to him??"if he thinks you??(TM)re rotten, watch out.??
Still more puzzling, some reports say that Vishnu is indifferent to opulence and hardly cares about world affairs at all. According to French intelligence sources, what Vishnu most likes to do??"despite his money, despite his power, despite everything??"is just forget it all and live like a nomad in cow pastures somewhere in India. The French sources hinted he has a fascination with local village girls.
Two months ago, top-level security officials from fourteen countries attended a conference focused entirely on sharing information about Lord Vishnu. What they found out is that everyone has a different idea. According to one theory, it??(TM)s all a bluff??"Vishnu??(TM)s just an ordinary man. Others say he??(TM)s the single most powerful person there is. Another theory says there??(TM)s no such person as Vishnu at all??"an organization, maybe, but not a person. And then others say there are many Vishnus??"perhaps something like a Vishnu family??"all working together.
The official from the CIA summed it up: ??oeWho??(TM)s Vishnu? At the end of the day, we don??(TM)t really know.??