Author Archives: Paul Howard

Yesterday I went to the Rathayatra in Harrisburg, PA, with my son Caitanya, and it was my first time in kirtan with devotees since three years ago.  It was a good time, and I was able to connect a little with a few devotees.  Later, at night my legs were sore from dancing. 

Also, […]

Suppose a rich man creates a foundation for distributing the interest generated by his wealth to worthy persons who would use it wisely.  For some time, he identifies these individuals himself, but later appoints representatives to do that for him.  After some time the rich man passes away.

What should representatives then do? 

[…]

Lately I’ve been trying to get back into devotional service again, but I’m finding many obstacles that I will need to overcome. A major portion of this is figuring out how to get along with devotees, because I still feel that it was problems with devotees that pushed me out.

Another big issue I struggle […]

Is it too much to ask for a spiritual leadership free from corruption? Apparently it is. 

Last year I reported a violation of ISKCON Law 3.5.5.1.3.9, pertaining to Child Protection Concerns, which had occurred at Gita-nagari in 2005.  The persons I identified as violating that law were Radhanatha, Malati, and Tamohara.  In 2005, Tamohara […]

My first upset as an initiated devotee was during my initiation ceremony.  The chief desire that motivated me to seek initiation was that I hoped it would somehow help improve my chanting of the Hare Krsna mahamantra.  I really wanted that, but it didn’t seem to happen.  I also wanted to be accepted in the […]

I seem to be in a very weird circumstance.  The mean behavior of devotees made me quit aspiring for Krsna consciousness and try to believe that Krsna is imaginary, but associating with atheists renewed my faith in Krsna.  I had been trying my best to serve devotees according to my duty, but the GBC contemptuously […]

During my very recent two-year denial of Krsna consciousness, I was invited to a large community of atheists on Google+, presumably because I seemed like one.  Oddly enough, it was about the time when I had become frustrated with atheistic reasoning (which seems to be thoroughly ignorant of Krsna conscious philosophy), so I turned out […]

It has been suggested, assumed, that I lost faith because of having committed offenses, but I don’t buy it. I feel that I was sincere and dedicated enough and with sufficient integrity to warrant spiritual protection if Krsna was real.

I remember in or about March 2005, I was elected to the community board […]

I never suspected I would feel this way, now after fifteen years of doing my best and trying really hard to live for pleasing Srila Prabhupada by participating in and promoting his movement.  I was greatly inspired by a vision of Krsna that originally caused me to seek out devotees as purported to exist in […]

I am considering whether to abandon this blog, perhaps to start another.  I started this blog with the intention of documenting my happy advancement in Krishna consciousness, but instead it quickly turned into a chronology of outrage, grief, and disappointment in the Hare Krishna movement.  I’ve had little good to say about it for the […]