Websites from the ISKCON Universe
It is not often recognized, but the primary mission of the temple, over and above everything else, is to inspire others to take a serious look into the real purpose and practice of the Vedic spiritual path and to participate in the tradition. Many think the main purpose of the temple is to provide a place where people can simply go to do their prayers, pujas and observe the holy days. Of course, that is part of it or it would not be a Vedic temple, but without invoking the inspiration to do that, especially in the youth, then in another 2 or 3 generations many of our sparkling new temples will turn into mere warehouses, or at best museum pieces.
If temples can provide and invoke the proper inspiration in its members and visitors, this will help secure the continuation of the temple, the Vedic community, and the culture itself long into the future. Some of the most difficult assets the temple has to attain are funds and manpower, or the help to continue its programs. If it can invoke the inspiration, then the funds and voluntary service will follow so that it can continue with its programs, whether they be pujas, holy day festivals, educating the youth, and so on. Therefore, it is imperative that temples and the managers and priests must arrange things in a way so that everyone becomes increasingly inspired to participate in temple activities and the Vedic tradition itself. People should be inspired and, thus, motivated to:
1. Recognize the benefits of the Vedic traditions;
2. Understand the tradition and its purpose more deeply;
3. Realize why they should participate in the culture and its spiritual practice;
4. Through service or seva, get a deeper taste and spiritual happiness, and a sense of fulfillment from the Dharmic path that cannot be attained through the temporary glitter of material pursuits or the mental preoccupation of sensual desires;
5. To acquire what is the secret knowledge about life and its purpose, knowing that it cannot easily be found anywhere else;
6. Understand our eternal spiritual identity and connection with the Divine;
7. Help in the operation of the temple for oneself and others, knowing the temple is like the launching pad to the higher purpose of life, and the spiritual dimensions of existence, and certainly to the more refined states of consciousness and fulfillment that everyone seeks, and which the Vedic literature describes.
In this way, the temple and the way it conducts itself should help in the transition of people from being mere observers, to appreciators, to participants, up to taking responsibilities to help the temple in service to the deities and other temple members, or the general community. If the temple can do this, then it and everyone associated with it will secure a bright future, not only for the temple, but for the whole Vedic community, for the Dharmic tradition, and for humanity as a whole.
So first, let us look at these basic points of inspiration the temple must provide, and see how a person can progress from one point to the next:
1. To recognize the benefits of the Vedic tradition.
When you visit a temple, the benefits are not always apparent. Naturally, you may see the beautiful grounds around a lovely temple building. Or you may get darshan of the gorgeously decorated deities, which should be inspiring in and of itself. You may also see the intricate rituals and hear the prayers or chanting and realize you should attend the temple more often. But without understanding the benefits, it may only take a cricket match or ball game on television to distract you away from attending the temple. So it should go deeper than that. People need to be able to comprehend the activities and rituals, at least on a basic level, and then perceive the benefits and blessings we get from such activities, and why it is good to participate. This leads to the next point, which is:
2. To understand the tradition more deeply. We have seen that if the priests or pujaris explain the rituals while they are performing them, or if there is a class in the temple on the meaning of the rituals and the philosophy, or if books are available, or if there are temple study groups to join, we can begin to see and understand the deeper purpose of what goes on at the temple, and why we should be a part of it. Another thing that has always been helpful is if there are prayer books that contain the words of the mantras or bhajans that are used in the temple. But these should be in the original Sanskrit or Hindi with Roman transliteration, and with English interpretations. Then people can follow along or understand it with more appreciation, especially the youth who may not know the traditional languages.
In this way, as people begin to perceive the benefits and purpose of the temple and the meaning of the activities that go on there, people will be encouraged to increase their appreciation for what the temple has to offer, and to support it.
3. The next step is to participate. It is one thing to be an observer with appreciation, but it is another thing to be a participant. When a person decides to participate, no longer is he or she merely watching what others are doing, but he begins to be a part of the pujas, and prayer or chanting sessions, bhajans, or he even begins to help organize festivals on holy days, or with cleaning the temple, and so on. This opens the door for one to receive the higher taste of seva or service, not only to the temple, but for the deity in the temple. This is how a person begins to get to the next point.
4. Getting the higher taste of spiritual happiness and fulfillment by being engaged in spiritual activities. This is the reciprocation between oneself and the Divine. This is when temple management should be able to guide a person in the proper services that guests and progressing devotees can do. This is when one enters the stage of being convinced by direct experience and perception, however simple it may be at first. Combined with Vedic spiritual knowledge, along with sadhana or practice, and with the performance of seva, no other process can deliver one to deeper and deeper levels of that higher taste more effectively than this.
When a person begins to feel this reciprocation, or also begins to understand the importance of this culture, then they naturally want to give back. They feel that they want to provide support for this great path of Vedic Dharma and spirituality, and for the connection with God that they feel. Then they want to do service, they want to contribute to the cause and the temple. I have seen this with people so many times.
5. The temple can also inspire people to recognize it as the preserver and protector of sacred spiritual knowledge, and the center for educating people in it for those who can humbly approach it. The temple can be viewed as the center for the secret knowledge that can hardly be found anywhere else, and which can give a person the means for point number 6.
6. Understanding your true, eternal spiritual identity and connection with the spiritual strata. This only has to be reawakened by being guided in the Vedic formula and process, a part of which is observing the activities in the temple which helps make things easier. Why is this secret knowledge? As it is described by Lord Krishna in the Bhagavad-gita: “This knowledge is the king of education, the most secret of all secrets. It is the purest knowledge, and because it gives direct perception of the self by realization, it is the perfection of religion. It is everlasting, and it is joyfully performed.” (Bg. 9.2)
This means that it is a natural process of purifying or spiritualizing our consciousness so that we can actually perceive that which is spiritual. It is not a mere dogma that must be followed without understanding or without question. But that we advance according to our own development until we eventually reach direct perception of the self. There are few processes that can do that. Nonetheless, just by following the path we can attain the supreme spiritual peace, which is something that is not easy to find. As Lord Krishna also explains in the Bhagavad-gita: “In this world, there is nothing so sublime and pure as transcendental knowledge. Such knowledge is the mature fruit of all mysticism. And one who has achieved this enjoys the self within himself in due course of time. A faithful man who is absorbed in transcendental knowledge and who subdues his senses quickly attains the supreme spiritual peace.” (Bg. 4.38-39)
Now tell me, where else can you find this kind of advice? This is the significance of this sort of information from the Vedic culture, which everyone should understand. This brings us to point number seven.
7. When a person fully understands all that we have described so far, and especially when one begins to experience the higher taste of such spiritual practice, then he or she will also help in the operation of the temple in some way. This will not only be for his own continued progress and spiritual development, but he will be inspired from within to work for the development of all others in order to give them the same opportunity to experience this deep Vedic culture. There is also no faster way to develop spiritual merit than to assist or help make arrangements for the spiritual progress of others.
ADDITIONAL WAYS TO DO THIS
This list should also pave the way to brainstorm to develop new ideas for expanding this purpose of the temples. For example:
1. There can also be Festivals of Inspiration, or festivals to celebrate the Dharmic tradition. Holding such festivals, either combined with other holy days or not, can bring people together to celebrate the Vedic path, and to become more inspired by what it has to offer. Such festivals at the temple can have special events and guest speakers to present such topics as:
A. The history and significance of the tradition;
B. How to overcome certain problems while on the Dharmic path;
C. How to raise or have a spiritual family;
D. How to increase one’s progress on the Vedic spiritual path;
E. How to be practical and realize deeper levels of spirituality.
2. Home study groups, where people get together for basic classes and discussions to help everyone become more familiar with the philosophy, get acquainted with others on the path, enjoy that uplifting association, and also serve prasada, sacred food, and savor a comfortable environment with others that are like-minded.
3. Special classes that outline instructions for home activities in the practice of Vedic spirituality, such as how to establish a prayer and meditation or temple room in the house, or how to engage in a process for one’s own spiritual practice or sadhana at home, etc.
4. How to engage in outreach programs to reach the local community, or how to share your own experience of Vedic culture with other people you meet so they can appreciate it and become more curious about it, or even invite them to visit the temple to see it for themselves.
5. Develop more ways to involve the youth.
These and other programs can be utilized to increase everyone’s enjoyment and involvement in the culture, and use the temple as the center of the tradition.
BASIC SERVICES THAT GUESTS
CAN OFFER FOR THE TEMPLE
These are ideas and services that guests can perform in their service to the temple, but, of course, should be offered under the guidance of temple management who can show people first what and how things should be done. No one should come to the temple and then decide for themselves whatever they want to do, which can be contrary to the overall plan, or in some cases can even be destructive to what is trying to be accomplished.
GENERAL HELP
1. Remove weeds from the flower or vegetable garden.
2. Help with planting flowers,
3. Water flower beds,
4. Assist with Vegetable garden,
5. Lawn Mowing, or raking or blowing leaves,
6. Edging sidewalks,
7. General gardening, mulch & landscaping work,
8. Cleaning the grounds,
9. General pot washing or kitchen clean up,
10. Helping clean hallways, carpets, stairways, etc. in the temple,
11. Assist with Sunday feast clean up or pot washing,
12. Help with picking flowers for deity garlands,
13. Help with flower delivery set up & clean up,
14. Clean up temple: floor, altar gates, Vyasasan, charanamrita set up & hand cleaning area, drain and clean water pots, clean mirrors and windows, dust walls, etc.
15. Clean up bath rooms,
16. Organize shoe area and glass doorways,
17. Assisting with festival preparation & organization or clean up, or car parking,
FOR THOSE SPECIALLY QUALIFIED
18. Help with Sunday feast vegetable cut up,
19. Deity kitchen floor & stoves,
20. Help with deity garland making,
21. Deity laundry,
22. Deity dress repair,
23. Assisting with caring for Tulasi plants,
24. Making a daily sweet for the deities,
25. Brick & cement & stucco repair work,
26. Painting: outdoor & indoor,
27. Electrical,
28. Carpentry,
29. Plumbing.
More ideas can be suggested according to the needs of the temple. But these duties should be planned and ready for those who want to offer service for the temple. Anyone who is willing to do service should not be turned away as if they are not needed. Everyone, if they are qualified and can accept direction, should feel they have something to contribute, and be shown how. This is the beginning in a person’s spiritual growth, which can be very important, and how they continue to contribute to the well-being of the temple, which in turn contributes to their own spiritual well-being.
As we look around the world, or watch and read the news, practically everywhere is affected by some kind of natural disaster. Floods are displacing millions of people, forest fires are destroying thousands of acres and burning out of control, earthquakes continue to force people to live in fear, and tornadoes and hurricanes have become more fierce and numerous than ever. And if that is not enough, droughts are causing massive crop damage and water shortages.
The fact is that nobody likes a loss, no matter how great or small it may be. And a disaster can take years to recover from, which can only increase our struggle to exist in this world. So what are we to make of all this? Is this just our own bad luck? Is this some kind of karmic reaction we are suffering? Is this merely the way life goes on in this material world? Or is this what God is doing to us? In fact, where is God in all of this?
From a spiritual perspective, when we ask “Where is God in all of this?” we must understand that to blame God for the way the world works is our own ignorance. And this ignorance is only the misguided perception of the absence of God, just as darkness is only the absence of light. From the very beginning, the world and everything in it is temporary. Or did you forget that? Our existence in this material world is also temporary. But we get so accustomed to the idea that things are going to go on the way we expect them to, that we are thrown completely out of whack when they don’t, and especially when the world throws reversals into our life. There is an old saying: Show me a world with security, and I will show you an illusion. The point is that change is the only constant in this world, which also implies that change means a lack of security due to not knowing what we can really expect in the future. And it is a challenge to remain balanced in all of this. And the only way you can do that is by attaining a spiritual consciousness. Let me explain:
Natural disasters go on in varying degrees on a daily basis, whether we notice them or not. Nature also means neutral, and it acts in whatsoever way it does to provide balance, even if it may seem cruel, as in the way stronger animals feed off the weak. That is a law of nature, and however cruel it may seem to be, in this world that is how balance is maintained in many cases so that certain species do not overpopulate. In this and so many other ways, nature acts in a way to help maintain balance in this world.
So when natural disasters hit humanity, as in events mentioned in the first paragraph, it forces us to become more clear regarding the temporary nature of this world, and more cooperative with that principle, whether we like it or not. Natural disasters can also provide a way to discern what is really important and what is not. We may have lost so many of our possessions, but we may still have our life. And if we lose our life or someone we know, we again have to realize the importance of how to live with whatever time we may have, fully knowing that tomorrow is promised to no one. Then we have to shed those things that, in the end, we are bound to lose anyway. Loss is no easy thing in one’s life, but better to go through stages of preparation than to be tested only at the very end of our lives at the time of death when it may be more difficult than ever to lose everything you hold dear. We need to be ready to go forward into the next realm rather than being held back by all the longings we have for the attachments we have accrued in this life. This is the lesson we should learn by experiencing various natural disasters on a personal level, or by observing those that go on around us. In this way, disasters of any kind can act as lessons that pull away the layers of illusion that hold us to the false impression of who or what we think we are in this material realm.
This is how there is some good in any situation, regardless of how awful it may seem. God does many things in one move, or one act. And in one major event, so many things may have been put into motion for many positive things to take place in the long run. Sometimes you can see that in the change of the psyche of innumerable people in the world that may have been affected by whatever event has happened, especially when they deal with the event by pulling together to sort out the new challenges they have to face. In this way, there is hope for a new vision, a new awareness, a new spirit of cooperation and view of each other.
For example, when a tornado destroys a neighborhood or town, everyone has to drop their ego and their differences in order to work together to make things operate smoothly again. So many trees may have been blown over, dropping electrical lines and stopping the flow of power or communication. Then people must work together to help clean up, get things working again, or check on the elderly to see if they are all right. And the more we work together, the easier it becomes for everyone. But is not that the case with life in general? Sometimes we forget, until a natural disaster again forces us to take a second look at who we are, who are our neighbors, and possibly with less judgmentalism than before. So sometimes we must get conked on the head, so to speak, to force ourselves to look at who we are and where our life is taking us. It is strange that sometimes this will not happen unless some major turning point takes place in our lives. These things show how well the world can move when we cooperate, when we acknowledge our need for each other and also our joy at being needed or giving to a higher cause by helping others.
With this new vision of ourselves and who we are and how we fit into the world, we may then see how God is found in all the acts of care and concern in each person around us. When the world comes together to help each other or those who have been affected by the disaster, all the kindness, consideration, the prayers, the donations, the heart-felt love that is now more prevalent than ever, is all part of our spiritual nature. When we consider all of this, we can see that each act of kindness is like the light of God everywhere. We simply have to be more willing to keep this spiritual renewal and vision in our heart and minds in our everyday lives.
In this way, the tragedy itself, whatever it may be, will have made us more humble, more cooperative, and a kinder person. It makes us realize our vulnerability, both individually and collectively. It makes us realize how fragile life can be, and how we should also appreciate whatever blessings we have. It forces a reassessment of who we are and, if we learn the lesson properly, gives an opportunity for a voluntary renewal in our spirituality. It also helps separate the superficial from what is really important. That is why we must always cling to our spiritual identity and the grace of God and be ready for anything.
Regarding those who may have died, what do we do for them? We have to remember that the soul, our real identity, never dies. It is eternal, so it merely moves on to another realm. Death is a soul’s change of focus from one plane of existence to another. The legacy of those who have departed is the renewed unity found in us survivors, and the reason to work together more closely than ever. It shows the reason why we must shed our dislike or unfamiliarity with each other. Their legacy is that this has brought us together in a mood of solidarity. It reawakens us to our dependency on God and His protection. This is the legacy of those we have lost in such situations. This is their gift to us. Let us keep this gift precious so it does not take another tragedy or loss to again reawaken ourselves to how special we all are.
We also must understand that in these sorts of tragedies, no one is sacrificed or dies in vain. The Lord of all casts aside no sincere soul, regardless of caste or creed, for all paths ultimately point toward the same God. They have not left us but only gone on before us. There is always a purpose behind everything, whether we understand it or not. So let us give them our blessings and pray for their safe journey to higher realms. Let God bless and guide all those who have departed from us.
However, when such disasters are related to man-made problems, like the failure of nuclear reactors, or oil spills and the like, this is simply because things are becoming too complex and out of control, or too far away from the way we need to cooperate with nature. It is a sign that we need to change and simplify our lives and actions. It is like nature shaking the tree to drop the unnecessary fruits. Then we merely have to change our vision and the values that we have to again begin to move in the right direction.
Disasters or tragedies created by fanatical religious terrorism is in a category by itself, apart from natural disasters. Such events are not a display of one’s allegiance to God, but a show of hatred for one’s fellow man, only because a section of society seems different, or that they follow a different spiritual path. This is spiritual blindness. Let us not follow in their ways of being oblivious to the unity and Divinity with all of us. But let us drop the superficialities and cooperate together, knowing full well that such is the way to make life easier for all of us. The desire to conquer or convert is the most divisive path there can be, and we have seen for many centuries that it has been the most cruel and destructive as well. And has the world gotten better because of it? No, in fact, it has only increased the fear and chaos in the world instead.
Let us also remember as we face such predicaments or tragedies, our greatest strengths and developments are often revealed through our most difficult challenges. Therefore, through such tests and by working together to improve things because of such difficulties, we will come ever closer to see the real potential and character of ourselves and the people involved. It will show the world the exceptional possibilities of real cooperation and understanding that can exist. It can show everyone the unity that can come from a spiritual renewal and reawakening.
Therefore, in such situations we should pray for the dead that they can be escorted to higher realms by God’s guiding light. We also pray for the well-being of the injured, the survivors, and the families who have lost loved ones, that they be soothed by God’s grace. We pray for us to become free from the shock and sadness that this sudden change has caused. But let us learn the lesson in the proper way so we can move forward with progress.
Let us also pray for the help from the volunteers and rescuers, those who donate much needed money to rebuild, and all who give their time and prayers to get us through this tragedy. Let the light of love, hope and upliftment shine forth and fill the world with God’s grace, beauty and power. Let everyone see the sense of living in peace and cooperation. Before we attack or criticize others, let us see our own faults which we must route out. Let us work on cleansing our own minds and purifying our own hearts, and then extend that encouragement to others.
Let us turn hate to love, enmity to friendship, strangeness to familiarity, greed to generosity, war to peace, and fear into hope. Let us pray for the good of all, and grow with the challenges, finding strength in the Supreme. May God protect us in all directions and guide us through whatever difficulties that appear in our lives.
In conclusion, let us offer our respect to God, and let Him kindly vanquish our demon-like desires for selfish or fruitive activities in this material world. Please dear Lord, appear in our hearts and drive away our ignorance so that by Your mercy we may become fearless in the struggle for existence in this temporary realm. May there be good fortune throughout the universe, and may all envious persons be pacified. May all living beings become calm by practicing devotion to You, for by accepting such service they will realize Your Divinity in each and every person, and thus think of each other’s welfare. Therefore, let us all engage in the service of the Supreme Being, Lord Sri Krishna, and always remain absorbed in thought of Him. (Bhagavata Purana 5.18.8-9)
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| Madhava, the kirtan singer, meets Madhava the ox. |
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| Madhava, the kirtan singer, meets Madhava the ox. |
In this podcast Tulasi Harison sings one bhajan and two kirtans. The first, Jaya Radha Madhava is a lovely little bhajan (hymn) meditating on Vrindavan, the birth place of Krishna, and remembering all the places associated with spiritual relationships of love.
The second is Sri Krishna Chaitanya a short mantra very popular in Bengal, and the third is Govinda Jaya Jaya, a song which originated in the Radha Raman temple some hundreds of years ago.
We are very thankful to Tulasi for leading us in kirtan so often in Oxford.
In this podcast Tulasi Harison sings one bhajan and two kirtans. The first, Jaya Radha Madhava is a lovely little bhajan (hymn) meditating on Vrindavan, the birth place of Krishna, and remembering all the places associated with spiritual relationships of love.
The second is Sri Krishna Chaitanya a short mantra very popular in Bengal, and the third is Govinda Jaya Jaya, a song which originated in the Radha Raman temple some hundreds of years ago.
We are very thankful to Tulasi for leading us in kirtan so often in Oxford.
In this podcast Tulasi Harison sings one bhajan and two kirtans. The first, Jaya Radha Madhava is a lovely little bhajan (hymn) meditating on Vrindavan, the birth place of Krishna, and remembering all the places associated with spiritual relationships of love.
The second is Sri Krishna Chaitanya a short mantra very popular in Bengal, and the third is Govinda Jaya Jaya, a song which originated in the Radha Raman temple some hundreds of years ago.
We are very thankful to Tulasi for leading us in kirtan so often in Oxford.
A rendition of Govinda Jaya Jaya, by Meru Devi, recorded in 2009.
A rendition of Govinda Jaya Jaya, by Meru Devi, recorded in 2009.
A rendition of Govinda Jaya Jaya, by Meru Devi, recorded in 2009.
Vaisnava Stories: Mark and Nikki
Mark
How I Came To Krsna
It is difficult to pinpoint the time when I first heard about Krsna, and it was most likely a series of small and unrelated events and realisations and that eventually brought me to the Soho Street temple in the early 1980′s.
Growing up through the Sixties and Seventies, like a lot of my peers, we found that the fashions and music of the time introduced us to an influx of cultural and spiritual diversity that enlivened the atmosphere and offered a real alternative to the seemingly grey way of life we were being offered by the establishment.
I always knew deep inside that I needed an alternative path to the one I was being conditioned to accept, although I didn’t know what this was. I studied various philosophies (particularly the ones that were coming from the east, as they attracted me the most) and particularly enjoyed Hatha Yoga. I didn’t really have a desire to know God: Christianity and going to church didn’t attract me at all. I had come to the conclusion that there probably was no God, as all I could see was suffering and I couldn’t understand how a being that apparently loved us could sit back and watch his children suffer, so I rejected him.
It was around this time that the small and seemingly unrelated events happened, just tiny mishaps really, but they gave me realisations that I wasn’t in control, as nothing I seemed to do went as planned; this led me to start thinking that there was perhaps a power controlling things.
Looking back, it seems I just wanted to enjoy altered states of consciousness, and being able to achieve those states naturally (without substances) appealed to me. Mostly the eastern mystical processes seemed to offer the chance to coming to those states of being, and I studied Buddhism and read a lot material by various philosophers and writers including, Krishnamurti, Carlos Castenada and even Lobsang Rampa I remember.
A close friend gave me a copy of Srila Prabhupada’s Bhagavad Gita around 1980. I read some if it and couldn’t understand it at all. It meant nothing to me, but I liked the pictures.
At this time I was still a meat eater, although I did have a desire to become a vegetarian, (I had been uncomfortable with eating meat for some years) and in a conversation with the same friend who gave me the Gita one evening, he convinced me to stop being a Hypocrite and I have never eaten meat since. At this time I picked up the Bhagavad Gita again and it made perfect sense: I understood it as I couldn’t when I had been eating meat. It seemed that the very act of giving up this dreadful activity had wiped away the dirt from my mind in one swift stroke, that had previously had prevented me from understanding Krsna’s message.
My friend then invited me to go with him to “The most beautiful place in London”, and I found myself in the Radha Krsna Temple in Soho Street one day. The temple room was full and everyone was listening to a class given by Jaytirtha Swami, and after this a few of us were asked upstairs for private darshan with him, and I remember being very impressed, and convinced that this was the path I wanted to follow.
From that point onwards things moved swiftly and before long we had a Namma Hatta group running and I was also working in Govinda’s restaurant full time. This was during the mid 80′s (an unsettled time for ISKCON), and events both in my spiritual and personal life made me retreat back into the material realm.
How I came back to Krsna is due to my partner Nikki who has always encouraged and reminded me of Krsna. I can’t thank her enough for bringing me back to the place I was back in the 80′s, and I can testify that what we do in Krsna conciousness is never lost and really am aware that I have picked up where I left off.
Nikki
How Krsna found me!
As a child I went to a VERY Christian school, we had 45 minutes ’praise time’ before school each day, it was supposed to be a good school but something that struck me was how judgemental everyone was, The Head mistress was having an affair with the Maths teacher and although as a child I did not really understand this, something felt very wrong..I assumed they were ‘Religious freaks’ and decided God was not for me. At the Age of 13 I was assaulted by several men and although horrific it just left me with a numb feeling.. I was thrown out of the Religious school because I apparently caused a ‘disturbance to other pupils’. This was as far as I was concerned the end of so-called God. I mean… what sort of God would allow this to happen to me?
In the Early 90′s I was a leather clad biker chick … with a Harley Davidson, bottle of ale constantly in my hand! I was into Rock Music and experimenting in drugs. My husband was a biker too and the relationship suffered as a symptom of our wild lifestyle!
In 1991 I was 21 and I developed an interest in Reincarnation, I bought several books on it .. Then someone placed a book in my hand called COMING BACK. It was very enlightening and understanding the laws of Karma helped me understand that what had happened to me as a child was due to past actions … it was like a weight off my shoulders …
Then I met Mark. He was a devotee that had fallen away from ISKCON due to some bad experiences . We both started attending Sanga meetings and the Rathayatra in London in 1992. Our Love for Krsna made us very close… but we were both married to other people who were very UN-KRSNA CONSCIOUS. It was an impossible situation. I understood that my biker lifestyle was not what I wanted and although I cared for my husband dearly it was very destructive, and I’d secretly fallen in love with Mark and the effect he had on me. It was hard but I left my husband. But Mark could not leave his wife so we parted company. I was heartbroken!
Over the next few years my interest in Krsna faded and I was back into bikes, booze and drugs. I would see Mark around and always ask about Krsna. He seemed to have lost his passion for Krsna too. I was filled with sadness when we saw each other. We’d lost what seemed like an eternal love and replaced it with … well I’m not really sure what had filled the space, but it wasn’t good.
I unhappily remarried and every aspect of Krsna had it seemed disappeared from my life. I put on lots of weight and even started to eat meat, as I was assured the Atkins Diet would shed the pounds!!!… Then in 2008 I was drinking heavily, overeating, partying hard and my body was suffering. I had a TIA Stroke. Everything ground to a halt. I laid in that hospital bed alone and decided things had to change.
When I returned home I was a changed woman. I couldn’t drink alcohol, and I saw eating meat as murder again; started Yoga again. I dusted off my picture of Krsna and put it pride of place in my front room. My husband was very negative and degraded Krsna and me and would not allow me to have my picture out. What was I to do? He liked the party girl and I was no longer that girl. I started chanting again, and purchased a copy of the Gita. It felt like I was purifying my life, then each day my husband would return home from work and the purity would vanish. I closed my eyes and longed for the days with Mark and the enlightenment that came with him.
I felt depressed and decided to see a hypnotherapy physiotherapist. She told me that all the time I had this love for Mark I would not be happy with my husband. After a few sessions I did the letter writing exercise. I wrote a letter out to Mark explaining how I felt about Krsna and him: it was supposed to help me release my emotions and was never supposed to be sent. In a moment of what I thought was weakness I sent it!
Well… Mark got in touch and we spoke about Krsna again. It felt like we had never been apart. We both realised it was essential that Krsna was in our lives. As a result, we both left our partners: it was a hard painful time, but my ex-husband and his ex-wife are both very happy without us now.
We now have the freedom to embrace Krsna Consciousness and I happily support Mark in every way possible. We are aspiring for initiation and Mark holds a Gita class every Friday. We have been truly blessed and are due to marry in the Temple soon. Sounds silly, but I feel reborn!
It has been a tough journey but now I am here I know that I would not swap this for anything on earth. I realise I am learning every day and am humbled every day that Krsna found us worthy of a second chance.
Mark and Nikki were married at Bhaktivedanta Manor on 1st July 2011!
Happy Anniversary Mark and Nikki!!
There is a battle of two wolves inside us all.
One is evil. It is anger, jealousy, greed, resentment, lies, inferiority, and ego.
The other is good. It is joy, peace, love, hope, humility, kindness, empathy, and truth.
The wolf that wins? The one you feed.
If you become conscious of Me, you will pass over all the obstacles of conditioned life by My grace. If, however, you do not work in such consciousness but act through false ego, not hearing Me, you will be lost. (Chapter 18, Verse 58)
The false ego ... which is like a reflection of our true consciousness within matter, is the covering over the soul first supplied by material nature and is the juncture between our spiritual identity and our material existence. Any ego-identity in which we imagine ourselves the central figure is acceptable to our perverse consciousness.
Thus the soul, constitutionally Krsna's eternal servant -- full of bliss, knowledge, and eternity -- becomes attracted to the material atmosphere and conditioned by it. He is then strictly controlled by the modes of material nature and experiences the self as if it were made of temporary matter.The juncture between our false ego and real ego is the juncture between how selfish and selfless we are in our everyday lives, both materially and spiritually. One way to see this is in relation to how we react to people's suffering. When someone suffers, do we feed the dog of our false ego by taking pleasure at their suffering, especially if it is relation to some competitive aspect of our lives, like our career, or do we feed the dog of our true ego by taking their suffering into our own heart, and feeling it as if we were the one suffering. Do we respond with compassion or contempt? Do we step on them further or do we do what we humbly can to uplift them?
There is a battle of two wolves inside us all.
One is evil. It is anger, jealousy, greed, resentment, lies, inferiority, and ego.
The other is good. It is joy, peace, love, hope, humility, kindness, empathy, and truth.
The wolf that wins? The one you feed.
If you become conscious of Me, you will pass over all the obstacles of conditioned life by My grace. If, however, you do not work in such consciousness but act through false ego, not hearing Me, you will be lost. (Chapter 18, Verse 58)
The false ego ... which is like a reflection of our true consciousness within matter, is the covering over the soul first supplied by material nature and is the juncture between our spiritual identity and our material existence. Any ego-identity in which we imagine ourselves the central figure is acceptable to our perverse consciousness.
Thus the soul, constitutionally Krsna's eternal servant -- full of bliss, knowledge, and eternity -- becomes attracted to the material atmosphere and conditioned by it. He is then strictly controlled by the modes of material nature and experiences the self as if it were made of temporary matter.The juncture between our false ego and real ego is the juncture between how selfish and selfless we are in our everyday lives, both materially and spiritually. One way to see this is in relation to how we react to people's suffering. When someone suffers, do we feed the dog of our false ego by taking pleasure at their suffering, especially if it is relation to some competitive aspect of our lives, like our career, or do we feed the dog of our true ego by taking their suffering into our own heart, and feeling it as if we were the one suffering. Do we respond with compassion or contempt? Do we step on them further or do we do what we humbly can to uplift them?
It has been suggested, assumed, that I lost faith because of having committed offenses, but I don’t buy it. I feel that I was sincere and dedicated enough and with sufficient integrity to warrant spiritual protection if Krsna was real.
I remember in or about March 2005, I was elected to the community board at Gita-Nagari, but I did not seek the position and was afraid of the unavoidable offenses that would come with it. I went before Sri Sri Radha Damodara and prayed for Their protection and guidance, and eventually left feeling I should accept the duty and accepting that my qualifications were good.
Then a few weeks later, I happened to see a complaint lodged from a person in Puerto Rico about a devotee whom in a few more weeks arrived in my community, although I did not immediately realize that they were the same person.
This Vakresvara Pandit Das, I had never met him before but respected him as the fine devotee I assumed him to be, until one day I saw him with a group of kids burning all the woods undergrowth between the Gita-Nagari temple and cow pastures. My wife and children and I cried in horror as we loved that woods and were afraid of anyone breathing poison ivy smoke. I had thought Vakresvara had been talking about removing garbage when he said he would clean up the forest.
The CPO (I was in touch with Tamohara Das, gbc) would not provide any detail of Vakresvara’s record, but I obtained a verified copy of ISKCON’s Official Decision finding him guilty of child molestation, and confirmed that he had been and remained in contempt of the rectification plan it required for him to step foot on ISKCON property.
I followed the best etiquette I knew and took painstaking efforts to address my concerns discretely and with no progress whatsoever until Bhakti-Tirtha Swami passed away. That night I had an inadvertent confrontation causing me to believe Vakresvara Pandit Das was a thug wearing tilak. Anuttama (gbc) ordered him to extinguish the huge fires he had created with his forest clearing boys, but I went out to do it since he was neglecting it, and I was afraid he would punch me then when I verbally offered my obeisances he scornfully rejected it.
The next day I saw my guru and he agreed that I should continue to investigate and pursue a satisfactory resolution. I soon realized that no one in the community would talk to me about it. I was told Radhanatha Swami would only agree to meet with my wife but not me, and then left town when we said we were not comfortable with that arrangement.
Thoroughly frustrated, I inquired on the BT Swami email group whether anyone knew what were his views on the subject, and they responded with condemnation of me in various ways. Secret board meetings were held to devise a way to impeach me from the board, and several brahmanas lied to me to conceal them before giving me papers to sign over my conscience to them, which I did not. My guru,Bhaktimarga Swami lied to me about his involvement with this exposed conspiracy, and broke his promise to arrange a mediator.
I could find no spiritual shelter and plunged onto severe depression gore nearly two years, hanging on just to maintain my family.
Then I cracked, and assumed fault for everything and begged forgiveness to be with devotees again. However nobody apologized for how they treated me. I failed at regaining confidence in my guru and became interested in the rtvik view but found that frustrating as well.
I prayed so much and shed so many tears begging for Krsna’s mercy, until it occurred to me that as an aspiring devotee I was perplexed, but if God were a delusion then all this would make perfect sense. It’s been about two years since that idea set in, which makes it seem that all my bhakti practice was pointless.
Lastly, I learned last year that ISKCON Law requires the authorities (gbc tp) to notify and poll for approval from householders in the community when a past child abuser wants to stay at a temple. So I was acting on behalf of a molested (former) child to uphold an ISKCON law that I did not know of, while the authorities were violating that law. How could I be judged as the offender in this?
