Surf’s up
→ Unplugged Ice
My body is a year older. If I were ambitious I would be worried about this. After all, if I were ambitious, my precious body would be the vehicle to take me to my ambitions and, once arrived there, also carry them. If this were the case then I would most certainly squirm at my increasing number of gray hairs and receding hairline. I would be over self-conscious of the extra baggage I carry around my waist. I would be intolerant of the ever increasing wrinkles and other youth destroying phenomena. I would find it difficult to bear my decreasing endurance levels. I would find it hard to accept my limited allotted time available here. I would find it impossible to think that I am starting to get a glimpse of my inevitable twighlight years. I would have to be illusioned to continue.
On the other hand, my present state of little ambition makes a statement to the world that this person is to be strictly avoided. Fair enough, since confidence takes a while to build up and can so easily be deflated. The fact is that it is unfortunately a struggle to work against gravity. This struggle is not a natural phenomenon and therefore precautions are taken to make the struggle as easy as possible. One of these precautions is to avoid looking down the slope of our demise and instead create a Technicolor illusion of a world full of positive people potentially gliding gracefully towards their personal ambitions. Anyone not fitting that particular job-description takes energy away from our upward motion and should be kept at a distance.
My train of thought here is inevitably hurtling towards a slight brush with the self-help genre of people. What on earth to do with self-help? It seems that every self-help technique is a subtle system of keeping those precious ambitions from slipping out of our grasps. We writhe and squirm at losing pace with the pack, but our self-help gurus tell us that these downtimes are not blemishes but beautiful ways to increasing our enchanting ambitions. Oh yes, you can turn failure into success with a simple shuffle of your thoughts – just like the iPod shuffle makes your playlist of songs ever-fresh and exciting by a simple random re-arranging of their order.
The world is hell-bent on keeping its ambitions in motion by making it well known that they are absolutely worth the extra endeavor to keep. But what happens when a spanner gets thrown in the works and it all starts to seem so futile? What happens when we look at things for what they really are, temporary? The illusion crumbles and with it any ambition to keep rolling with it. Then we are faced with a new world, one that is not as rosy as it seemed before. Self-aggrandizement becomes sickening. Gloating and obsequious individuals don't have their uses in any master plan hatched from a truckload of lust and desire marinated in raw sewage. All those pleasantries we once saw as part of our life-force shrivel into nothing, and then turn to dust.
At this point we either take the blue pill and go down and out, unfortunately remaining on the same coin but on the opposite side (this could regurgitate another wave of written thought that I will try my best to restrain), or we take the red pill and do something radical and join the Hare Krishnas or something.
Ahh, here it is finally, the part of this indeterminable muse that gets spiritual, and it looks like it's going to be one of those "wonders of spiritual life" versus "the folly of materialistic society" type bashes. But alas, on the contrary, what happens next is quite a twist to the plot, for forays into spiritual seeking can oft be surface encounters with something unknown, which then tends to lead to accidents on the royal road.
No doubt about it, spiritual life is where it's at. I'm not going to back that up with a hundred lines of stuff that you already know (the main audience here is adept at understanding this as fact since we all have – in want of, but unable to find a better word than the clichéd Californian pretext to reality – experience). But how is it that a wannabe spiritualist, replete with all spiritual motivations and an intrinsic material aversion, can again fall into the same traps as before his revolution against mundane ambition. We know that ambition cannot be taken away from us as it's part of our being, and we know that selfless ambition in loving connection with the Supreme and His devotees is a good place to build from, but ambition is ambition and the premise of doing it selflessly can be so easily and unconsciously flipped over into doing it selfishly. Comfort, subtle intoxication, unheeding the subtle approaches of lust, anger, avarice, and illusion, missing the spiritual beat whether it be hearing, chanting, remembering – all these simply rock the boat and are ready to sink us in the same motivations and ambitions we were previously illusioned by
I admit it; I'm sunk, ambitiously. I'm one of those derelicts washed up on the shore of the Hare Krishna movement – almost a beach bum for Krishna. But I must also admit that though I am unable to do anything about it, the present ambitions within the society of devotees worries me.
No point in getting worked up about it all. In the mean time... surf's up!