
“I will love you, if you will love me.”
Satsvarupa das Goswami: The first initiation was on Janmastami in 1966 and it was so lackadaisical that people got initiated without seriously considering whether they were going to follow the four rules.
I wanted to stay independent. I didn’t think I was ready to get initiated, and besides nobody had asked me to get initiated. So I stayed home and typed for the Swami.
The day after Janmastami I showed up at his door and he said, “Oh, you did not come for initiation yesterday.”
I said, “No, but I did some typing.” I gave him the typing and he gave me some grapes.
He saw that unless I got invited I was reluctant to get initiated, to go to the morning class, to go to the feasts.
It was a defect on my part and at that time he said something important to me.
He said, “I will love you, if you will love me.”
That statement made a big change in me.
He exposed that I didn’t love him but I was expecting him to always love me.
I thought, “Why am I holding back my love for him? Is there something I dislike about his face or his way of talking or something? I do not love him, but I’m expecting him to pour love on me.”
I looked at all the ugliness inside myself that made me not love the Swami, and I decided that I should kick it out and love him.
He said, “If you do that, then I’ll love you. But it’s a two-way street.”
He read my heart and my mind and exposed my big barrier.
When the Swami said, “I will love you, if you will love me,” that became a good instruction for any relationship, certainly with a spiritual master and a disciple or with a husband and wife.
You have to love the other person if you want to be loved.
His words broke a lot of ice, and from then on I stepped forward more and didn’t have to be invited to things.
He once spoke on the telephone about a wedding that he was arranging between Mukunda and Janaki.
When he hung up the phone he said, “You’re invited to come to this wedding.” I said, “Thank you,” and I went to the wedding.
I felt sorry that I had not gotten initiated, so another day I asked him, “Could I get initiated on the next occasion?”
He said, “Well, you’ll have to be a strict vegetarian.” I said, “I already am.”
He said, “Yes, then you can be initiated.”
The Swami was teaching from Dr. Radha Krishnan’s Bhagavad-gita. He said, “The translation is 98% good. Don’t read the purport at all, it’s contaminating, but you can read the translations out loud.”
Some of us bought copies of that Gita and during our classes the Swami would ask us to read.
He’d say, “Raymond, read the translation for Chapter 8 Text 7.”
We considered the translations bonafide. We also had the Swami’s Srimad Bhagavatams.
We didn’t study them in any consecutive order. They were just there to read and grasp.
I bought a set but some others didn’t have the money to buy them.
I asked, “When you get initiated is your karma stopped?”
He said, “Yes. It’s like the electric fan is rotating—action and reaction, or karma—but on initiation the plug is pulled. The rotations may go on for a little while, but there’s really no more karma.”
—Satsvarupa das Goswami
.Excerpt from “Memories-Anecdotes of a Modern-Day Saint”
by Siddhanta das