End Game – 4 of four
→ NY Times & Bhagavad Gita Sanga/ Sankirtana Das

For several days Ruth drifted in and out of consciousness. Even when she was conscious, she was muddled and incoherent. On that last day, the Hospice nurse called us. Her name was Kelly. She was friendly and very helpful. She had met Al a couple of times during the last few days.

None of us had gone in that day. Kelly said Ruth was doing poorly and we had to come down right away. She couldn’t find her pulse, and Ruth’s breathing was short and quick.

Ruci, her father and I rushed to the home. From the moment we arrived either Ruci or myself were at her mother’s side chanting softly. Looking at Ruth’s condition, Kelly said that she was coming toward the end. She thought Ruth might last for three days, a week at the most. She phoned her office to order 24 hour bedside watch. The nursing home doesn’t have the staff to provide that kind of attention.

Kelly mentioned that a person’s hearing is the last thing that goes. She said that even though Ruth was unconscious we could still talk with her. We thanked her although we were aware of this. She left at around 7PM. She hugged us all and told us she’d be back in the morning. The staff spontaneously brought in a tray of coffee, teas, and snacks. Everybody knew we were vegetarian.

At one point when Ruci chanted to her mother, we all noticed that Ruth stirred. It seemed she wanted to chant with her daughter again as she had done a few days earlier. But she was trapped in a body that would not cooperate. We saw how utterly helpless she was. Ruci tearfully gave her mother permission to leave her body. Ruci said her sister and brother would be there in two days. She invited her mother to hang on, but assured her that if it was too uncomfortable to remain in her body that they would all be OK, and it was all right for her to go. She reminded her mother that Krishna was always with her.

We were all getting tired and decided to leave. Ruci suggested to her father that he say his goodbye to Ruth. Al was tired and thought he would talk to his wife in the morning. Ruci however insisted, and we left the room while Al said his goodbye. Outside, Ruci obsessed about whether to stay or come home. I explained that this could drag on for days or even a week, and that even if she stayed for the night she might fall asleep anyways. In any event, she needed to rest. She reluctantly came back with us.

Several hours later, shortly after midnight, we got a call from the nursing home. Her mother had died. The woman at the nursing home had seen many deaths there. At the moment of death people were usually troubled and confused. Ruth died peacefully in her sleep.

Earlier that evening I had spoken to the woman who had brought in the tray of snacks. She told me that in the short time Ruth was at the home she had touched all the staff; everyone liked both Ruth and Al. She said Ruth had a contagious smile. She said, for her, when Ruth smiled, “it was like the lights at the top of the Chrysler Building going on.” “You from New York?” I asked, surprised by her analogy. “No. From the West Coast,” she said. “We’re from the New York area,” I said. “Funny,” she mused, “that we all wound up in Moundsville, West Virginia.”

End Game – 3 of four
→ NY Times & Bhagavad Gita Sanga/ Sankirtana Das


Almost three weeks before she passed away, Ruth lost the use of her left leg. She had come down to dinner one evening and her leg just wouldn’t work. We called for an ambulance and she went into the hospital that night. They couldn’t do much for her there. Tests showed up nothing. Her doctor suspected a stroke and looking at her over all condition (progressing breast cancer, a seeming lack of will to go on, and lack of appetite), he surmised that she had less than six months, and maybe sooner.

A couple of days later she was transferred to the Mount View Nursing Home in Moundsville for physical rehab to see if she would be able to stand on both legs. She made no progress. After a week we were making arrangements for her to come home. We had heard the usual horror stories about nursing homes and thought it would be better for her at home. On one hand she slept long hours. On the other hand, we were told she needed care 24/7. Assessing the situation, we realized it would be overwhelming for us to have her at home. We saw her condition was deteriorating. The doctor ordered hospice care to visit her at the nursing home. And the staff we met at Mount View dispelled our stereotypes. They were kind and competent and attentive. They made every endeavor to satisfy our concerns.

On the last evening Ruth was fully conscious, Ruci sat at her bedside. Somehow her mother’s age came up. When her mother asked, Ruci told her that she was 95. Ruth was surprised to hear that she was so old.

Ruci told her, “You’re not really that old. That’s the age of your body. But you feel youthful, don’t you?”

Her mother understood the distinction. She said yes, she felt young and different than her body.

“That’s because you are not this body. You are the soul,” Ruci continued, “and you, the soul, are eternally youthful.”

At this point Ruth’s eyes lit up. She was totally present and attentive to her daughter’s every word.

Ruci continued. “Krishna is in your heart. He is your dear most friend and He is always with you.” And they recited the Hare Krishna prayer together.

End Game – 3 of four
→ NY Times & Bhagavad Gita Sanga/ Sankirtana Das


Almost three weeks before she passed away, Ruth lost the use of her left leg. She had come down to dinner one evening and her leg just wouldn’t work. We called for an ambulance and she went into the hospital that night. They couldn’t do much for her there. Tests showed up nothing. Her doctor suspected a stroke and looking at her over all condition (progressing breast cancer, a seeming lack of will to go on, and lack of appetite), he surmised that she had less than six months, and maybe sooner.

A couple of days later she was transferred to the Mount View Nursing Home in Moundsville for physical rehab to see if she would be able to stand on both legs. She made no progress. After a week we were making arrangements for her to come home. We had heard the usual horror stories about nursing homes and thought it would be better for her at home. On one hand she slept long hours. On the other hand, we were told she needed care 24/7. Assessing the situation, we realized it would be overwhelming for us to have her at home. We saw her condition was deteriorating. The doctor ordered hospice care to visit her at the nursing home. And the staff we met at Mount View dispelled our stereotypes. They were kind and competent and attentive. They made every endeavor to satisfy our concerns.

On the last evening Ruth was fully conscious, Ruci sat at her bedside. Somehow her mother’s age came up. When her mother asked, Ruci told her that she was 95. Ruth was surprised to hear that she was so old.

Ruci told her, “You’re not really that old. That’s the age of your body. But you feel youthful, don’t you?”

Her mother understood the distinction. She said yes, she felt young and different than her body.

“That’s because you are not this body. You are the soul,” Ruci continued, “and you, the soul, are eternally youthful.”

At this point Ruth’s eyes lit up. She was totally present and attentive to her daughter’s every word.

Ruci continued. “Krishna is in your heart. He is your dear most friend and He is always with you.” And they recited the Hare Krishna prayer together.

End Game – 2 of four
→ NY Times & Bhagavad Gita Sanga/ Sankirtana Das


My wife’s mother and father, Ruth and Al, started visiting New Vrindaban shortly after we moved here in 1976. (Ruci and I had heard that whatever you undertake on Gaura Purnima would meet with success. And so after three years at the Chicago temple, we came here on the eve of Lord Caitanya’s appearance.) Of course, Ruth and Al didn’t really understand the choice we had made in accepting Krishna Consciousness, but they were open and accepting.

In those days the only half decent place at New Vrindaban was a couple of rooms in a trailer near the temple which was kept by Mother Vedapriya for herself and any stray guests who might show up.. The devotees themselves lived very austerely. The only toilet by the temple was an outhouse which was used year round. The bathing facility was small and the floor in the adjacent dressing room was always wet. To avoid getting your socks wet was a balancing act. Devotees would balance on one foot, put on a sock on the other foot and then quickly slip that foot into a boot. Ruth and Al later told us they avoided both going to the toilet or bathing on the premises during those early years visiting with us.

A few years after their first visit Ruth and Al retired and moved to Florida. They then started visiting twice a year. The conditions for visitors mercifully improved. In the late spring they would drive up from Florida, stay here for several days and then head for New Jersey, sojourning with their son and then their older daughter. Then they continued north to Maine and through Nova Scotia. Their destination was Prince Edward Island where they vacationed for the summer in a modest cottage. At the end of the summer they retraced their drive, returning to Florida. Their round trip excursion was over 4000 miles. Al drove that route until he was 90.

By then Ruci and I had purchased a house near Prabhupada’s Palace. Actually, Prabhupada stayed in this house and gave dharsan on the front lawn during his fourth and last visit to New Vrindaban in June of 1976. Ruth and Al, 87 and 90 respectively, were just beginning to get concerned about their old age. They knew they couldn’t go on by themselves indefinitely and asked if they could come and live with us. They had been so supportive and accepting of us all those years. They were always happy to see the devotees and also enjoyed conversing with them as well as with the visitors who came to the community. We suspected that it might eventually become a burden for us but we couldn’t say no.

End Game – 2 of four
→ NY Times & Bhagavad Gita Sanga/ Sankirtana Das


My wife’s mother and father, Ruth and Al, started visiting New Vrindaban shortly after we moved here in 1976. (Ruci and I had heard that whatever you undertake on Gaura Purnima would meet with success. And so after three years at the Chicago temple, we came here on the eve of Lord Caitanya’s appearance.) Of course, Ruth and Al didn’t really understand the choice we had made in accepting Krishna Consciousness, but they were open and accepting.

In those days the only half decent place at New Vrindaban was a couple of rooms in a trailer near the temple which was kept by Mother Vedapriya for herself and any stray guests who might show up.. The devotees themselves lived very austerely. The only toilet by the temple was an outhouse which was used year round. The bathing facility was small and the floor in the adjacent dressing room was always wet. To avoid getting your socks wet was a balancing act. Devotees would balance on one foot, put on a sock on the other foot and then quickly slip that foot into a boot. Ruth and Al later told us they avoided both going to the toilet or bathing on the premises during those early years visiting with us.

A few years after their first visit Ruth and Al retired and moved to Florida. They then started visiting twice a year. The conditions for visitors mercifully improved. In the late spring they would drive up from Florida, stay here for several days and then head for New Jersey, sojourning with their son and then their older daughter. Then they continued north to Maine and through Nova Scotia. Their destination was Prince Edward Island where they vacationed for the summer in a modest cottage. At the end of the summer they retraced their drive, returning to Florida. Their round trip excursion was over 4000 miles. Al drove that route until he was 90.

By then Ruci and I had purchased a house near Prabhupada’s Palace. Actually, Prabhupada stayed in this house and gave dharsan on the front lawn during his fourth and last visit to New Vrindaban in June of 1976. Ruth and Al, 87 and 90 respectively, were just beginning to get concerned about their old age. They knew they couldn’t go on by themselves indefinitely and asked if they could come and live with us. They had been so supportive and accepting of us all those years. They were always happy to see the devotees and also enjoyed conversing with them as well as with the visitors who came to the community. We suspected that it might eventually become a burden for us but we couldn’t say no.

End Game – 1 of four
→ NY Times & Bhagavad Gita Sanga/ Sankirtana Das


Old age is difficult for the elderly. It’s also difficult for those caring for the elderly. My wife’s mother Ruth passed away last week. Even though it was sad for her to go, I must admit that we were relieved.

Ruth was 95. Over the last three years she became enveloped in dementia. She couldn’t remember if she had just gone for a drive; or who just visited with her; or what she had at the dinner she just enjoyed. She couldn’t talk about the details in any part of her life. Fortunately, she still knew who we were. She also remembered her other kids who called regularly. And she remembered somewhat how to play at a card game she enjoyed.

When my wife’s mother and father (AL) came to live with us eight years ago, we got into the habit of playing cards with them once a week. For the most part, they won. Ruth took her card playing very seriously. She was determined and competitive. You could learn a lot about life by watching her play. Sometimes you might get dealt a lousy hand. Sometimes you might get a hand with a couple of wild cards. The thing was, whatever type of hand she would get, you could see her strategizing; trying to see her options and making the best use of that hand. Even in her dementia, she never lost her competitive edge. She was a fighter. Over the years we played cards less and less. The last game we played together was about a year ago. And I must admit, it was humbling losing to a 94 old with dementia.

More tomorrow.

End Game – 1 of four
→ NY Times & Bhagavad Gita Sanga/ Sankirtana Das


Old age is difficult for the elderly. It’s also difficult for those caring for the elderly. My wife’s mother Ruth passed away last week. Even though it was sad for her to go, I must admit that we were relieved.

Ruth was 95. Over the last three years she became enveloped in dementia. She couldn’t remember if she had just gone for a drive; or who just visited with her; or what she had at the dinner she just enjoyed. She couldn’t talk about the details in any part of her life. Fortunately, she still knew who we were. She also remembered her other kids who called regularly. And she remembered somewhat how to play at a card game she enjoyed.

When my wife’s mother and father (AL) came to live with us eight years ago, we got into the habit of playing cards with them once a week. For the most part, they won. Ruth took her card playing very seriously. She was determined and competitive. You could learn a lot about life by watching her play. Sometimes you might get dealt a lousy hand. Sometimes you might get a hand with a couple of wild cards. The thing was, whatever type of hand she would get, you could see her strategizing; trying to see her options and making the best use of that hand. Even in her dementia, she never lost her competitive edge. She was a fighter. Over the years we played cards less and less. The last game we played together was about a year ago. And I must admit, it was humbling losing to a 94 old with dementia.

More tomorrow.

The Science of Meditation (part 6). By Matsyavatara dasa (Marco Ferrini)
→ Matsya Avatar das adhikari

The principles of liberty, justice and love are irrepressible and everyone tends to realize them, hence, insofar we dedicate ourselves to developing our idealities, we act ecologically for our environment; it means that we do not just help people who live with us, but the environment in general and we integrate ourselves into Humanity and with all Creatures. This ideality can be initially experienced in a sporadic way with the practice of occasional meditation, but it should become a whole life modality daily constant, in order to reach the perfection of meditation.
Perfection does not exist from a human perspective, but what exists is a tending toward, moving toward, nevertheless there is no need to fear for taking action and to think that, since we are not perfect, our action will be imperfect. Anyway, it will be imperfect, but if we take first steps in the right direction and move toward perfection, each step will carry us back into the essential, inner happiness with full satisfaction, santosha, and contentment, tushti, that make the person extremely tolerant and humble. Regardless of social position, heralds or uniform and colors we wear, what determines the level of realization we can reach are our humbleness and tolerance. For this reason, awareness and wisdom should be transformed in emotional detachment, detaching ourselves not just from what is aimless, but from what is harmful and is an obstacle on the path to evolution. The first level of detachment to be realized is to retract senses from their objects (pratyahara), in order to avoid that senses become like wild horses, without any violent opposition or repression, but converting them into an evolutionary path, useful for our inner growth. This renunciation is not a brutal deprivation dictated by dogmatism or prejudice, on the contrary, it is an appealing and effective abstention we practice naturally when we have been given something superior: the incarnated soul can abstain from sense enjoyment, although the craving (for sense enjoyment) remains. But if the soul becomes detached by experiencing the superior pleasure, it will remain steady in the spiritual consciousness.
Translated literally from Sanskrit param means “superior” and drishtva “having seen”: when we will develop a superior vision, we can renounce an inferior one. We do not have to fear inhibition: some cerebral areas, as well as some organs in the body, are inhibited when we do something requiring to focus our attention. It is certainly not such kind of inhibition that may block our evolutionary path, on the contrary it is something we can dominate by ourselves, so we can deal with it in a sensible and expert way when we give up something inferior for a superior benefit. This act can be called asceticism, in Sanskrit tapas, that is our capability to renounce with a volitional act, with deliberated intention, something inferior for something better. It involves an extraordinary coherence and a plan to achieve liberation from conditioning, thus to dissolve virulent samskara that affect the individual behavior. The resulting benefit is extended to all those feelings of guilt and complexes that populate our unconscious, which stemmed at some point in our lives and in our existential history, thus dissolving negative effects and setting the individual free from the imprisonment suffered till then. Although meditation does not exhaust itself in the meaning of ascetism, the latter constitutes a detail that cannot be overlooked; it is associated both to prayers an right acts for the benefit of all creatures, harming as little as possible (ahimsa), for example by living on natural and wholesome food, that involves minimum of violence: cereals, vegetables and legumes. So, our aim should be to provide an ongoing way to structure our lives, focusing on the highest evolutionary level in this segment of existence, consequently striving for a more evolved physical body in our successive live. The Vishnu Purana explains there are 400.000 varieties of evolutionary human species, like human, subhuman, superhuman, saints and brigands, various types as much as there are various psychic structures and related chthonic impulses arising from the unconscious. These drives can affect individual behavior, they can dominate a person inexorably and, when destructive and antisocial, lead him or her to commit horrible crimes. To know that some of these forces could be irrepressible and beyond an individual’s own control, has made possible in the Jurisprudence context that similar cases are not be condemned to prison but treated in Judiciary Psychiatric Hospitals. Anyhow, before arriving to such extreme and severely compromised situations, there are prophylaxis and preventive treatments focused on resolving, that can be applied. Meditation practice is associated to them and represents a concrete example.

The Science of Meditation (part 6). By Matsyavatara dasa (Marco Ferrini)
→ Matsya Avatar das adhikari

The principles of liberty, justice and love are irrepressible and everyone tends to realize them, hence, insofar we dedicate ourselves to developing our idealities, we act ecologically for our environment; it means that we do not just help people who live with us, but the environment in general and we integrate ourselves into Humanity and with all Creatures. This ideality can be initially experienced in a sporadic way with the practice of occasional meditation, but it should become a whole life modality daily constant, in order to reach the perfection of meditation.
Perfection does not exist from a human perspective, but what exists is a tending toward, moving toward, nevertheless there is no need to fear for taking action and to think that, since we are not perfect, our action will be imperfect. Anyway, it will be imperfect, but if we take first steps in the right direction and move toward perfection, each step will carry us back into the essential, inner happiness with full satisfaction, santosha, and contentment, tushti, that make the person extremely tolerant and humble. Regardless of social position, heralds or uniform and colors we wear, what determines the level of realization we can reach are our humbleness and tolerance. For this reason, awareness and wisdom should be transformed in emotional detachment, detaching ourselves not just from what is aimless, but from what is harmful and is an obstacle on the path to evolution. The first level of detachment to be realized is to retract senses from their objects (pratyahara), in order to avoid that senses become like wild horses, without any violent opposition or repression, but converting them into an evolutionary path, useful for our inner growth. This renunciation is not a brutal deprivation dictated by dogmatism or prejudice, on the contrary, it is an appealing and effective abstention we practice naturally when we have been given something superior: the incarnated soul can abstain from sense enjoyment, although the craving (for sense enjoyment) remains. But if the soul becomes detached by experiencing the superior pleasure, it will remain steady in the spiritual consciousness.
Translated literally from Sanskrit param means “superior” and drishtva “having seen”: when we will develop a superior vision, we can renounce an inferior one. We do not have to fear inhibition: some cerebral areas, as well as some organs in the body, are inhibited when we do something requiring to focus our attention. It is certainly not such kind of inhibition that may block our evolutionary path, on the contrary it is something we can dominate by ourselves, so we can deal with it in a sensible and expert way when we give up something inferior for a superior benefit. This act can be called asceticism, in Sanskrit tapas, that is our capability to renounce with a volitional act, with deliberated intention, something inferior for something better. It involves an extraordinary coherence and a plan to achieve liberation from conditioning, thus to dissolve virulent samskara that affect the individual behavior. The resulting benefit is extended to all those feelings of guilt and complexes that populate our unconscious, which stemmed at some point in our lives and in our existential history, thus dissolving negative effects and setting the individual free from the imprisonment suffered till then. Although meditation does not exhaust itself in the meaning of ascetism, the latter constitutes a detail that cannot be overlooked; it is associated both to prayers an right acts for the benefit of all creatures, harming as little as possible (ahimsa), for example by living on natural and wholesome food, that involves minimum of violence: cereals, vegetables and legumes. So, our aim should be to provide an ongoing way to structure our lives, focusing on the highest evolutionary level in this segment of existence, consequently striving for a more evolved physical body in our successive live. The Vishnu Purana explains there are 400.000 varieties of evolutionary human species, like human, subhuman, superhuman, saints and brigands, various types as much as there are various psychic structures and related chthonic impulses arising from the unconscious. These drives can affect individual behavior, they can dominate a person inexorably and, when destructive and antisocial, lead him or her to commit horrible crimes. To know that some of these forces could be irrepressible and beyond an individual’s own control, has made possible in the Jurisprudence context that similar cases are not be condemned to prison but treated in Judiciary Psychiatric Hospitals. Anyhow, before arriving to such extreme and severely compromised situations, there are prophylaxis and preventive treatments focused on resolving, that can be applied. Meditation practice is associated to them and represents a concrete example.

Yo Gabba Gabba Prema and Other Tales of Brainwashing
→ A Convenient Truth



A few years ago, before my daughter was born, I had watched a few episodes of the children’s television show “Yo Gabba Gabba”. I was immediately attracted to its quirky, humorous and at times psychedelic imagery and storylines. It’s completely my creative aesthetic. I remember saying to my wife while she was still pregnant, “I want our daughter to grow up watching and loving this show!” Fast-forward to today and my almost 2-year old daughter is attached to and obsessed with everything Gabba. Mission accomplished!
In the process I have also developed an unhealthy level of attachment to it, to the point that I’m buying Yo Gabba Gabba trading cards, collectible figures and giant, plush pillows in the shape of the characters! I also sometimes find myself doing random eBay and Etsy searches for “Yo Gabba Gabba”. Throughout the day I may find myself singing or humming a song from the show. I also know in which episodes certain things happen, for example: in the “Differences” episode Toodee yells at Gooble and tells him to “go cry somewhere else”. I also at times feel like I know the psychology behind each character and how they would act in a given situation. It’s almost as if they’re real to me!
How did this happen? How did I, and my daughter, become so obsessed with it? I was reflecting on this from a Krishna Conscious perspective and I realized it’s all about conditioning and association. The more time we are exposed to and associate with something (or someone) we start to emulate, assimilate and become like that. It’s all about the repetition of exposure. This is how conditioning works. It’s just like smoking cigarettes. The first time someone inhales the smoke it’s an unpleasant experience. It burns and makes them cough, but there is some pleasure from the nicotine, so they continue to do it. They repeat the process so much until they are no longer adversely affected by the inhalation of smoke. The smoker becomes conditioned to it. Conversely, it’s also the same with exercise. At first we may be extremely out of shape and become short of breath walking up a flight of stairs. After continued exercising the heart and lungs become stronger; they become conditioned.
As conditioned souls we have been repeatedly exposed to the material energy from time immemorial. We have intimately associated with it for so long that the conception of anything beyond it seems imaginary and unreal. While wandering around in this material energy we have come up with so many avenues for sense gratification. We have devised countless ways to be distracted, enamored and conditioned by the material world. In the veil of these distractions Yo Gabba Gabba is just another thread.
Sometimes I joke with my wife that we should have been showing our daughter Krishna Conscious videos from her birth so that she would be obsessed with Krishna. Am I doing a disservice to my daughter by making her attached to such mundane things? I can imagine some strict, stalwart Vaishnavas would respond with an emphatic, “YES!” The not-so-stalwart devotees would say, “Lighten up, she’s just a kid!” Unfortunately being one of those lowly, not so strict “devotees” I lean towards the side of thinking, “It’s really not a big deal. She has her whole life to become Krishna Conscious. Besides, she’s too young to even really appreciate or understand it.”
I sometimes wonder what the benefit would be of dressing her up in Indian clothing, putting tilak on her forehead, tulasi beads around her neck and getting her to put her arms up and shout “Haribol!” if all she’s doing is blindly, innocently imitating. I guess it can make the parents feel a sense of pride, like “Hey, look at what an awesome devotee my kid is!” but does it really afford the child any real benefit? Sure, it’s the benefit of influence and devotional impressions, but even children born to strict Vaishnava parents can go on to become drinkers, smokers, drug-takers and sex addicts. Ultimately isn’t it my child’s karma that will determine their level of enthusiasm, interest and faith in Krishna Consciousness? As we all know, many of us grew up in non-devotional, materialistic, “demoniac” households and still came to the path of bhakti later in our lives. So I guess I don’t believe that exclusively exposing children to Krishna Conscious music, movies and themes leads to a pure devotee. There are so many karmic factors involved for every individual that we can’t always understand it on the surface.
However we spend our time here in this material world is how we become. In other words, if I spend all of my time absorbed in thoughts of comic books, I will become an expert in comic books. If I spend all of my time absorbed in thoughts of art education, I will become an expert in art education. We are all in the process of being “brainwashed”. We fill up our brains with the desires of our hearts. The question is, “What drives our desires here in this world?” Why am I obsessed with Yo Gabba Gabba, yet another parent or another person could care less about it? It then seems to become a question of karma and destiny. The “how” and “why” of what drives us is intimately connected to our karma. We are born into this world with certain parents, certain peers, and certain associations that shape, mold and influence us to become who we are at present. Even at the present moment we are taking in various influences from our environments that continue to color the lens of our perception and consciousness.
Is my attachment to all things Gabba a detriment on the path of devotional service? No doubt it is. I know it’s just nonsense maya. I know it distracts me from thinking about God and service to God. The problem is that I don’t take it as a serious problem, because my faith and devotion are so weak. There is honestly no way to “have our cake” and “eat it too”. There is no way to mix water with oil. There is no way to have a little maya in our life and to be Krishna Conscious at the same time.
At some point I will have to choose which life I want. I will have to decide between maya (sense gratification) and Krishna (selfless devotional service). I just hope I can make the right decision before I die. I also hope I don’t call out the name of Brobee at the time of death.

Yo Gabba Gabba Prema and Other Tales of Brainwashing
→ A Convenient Truth



A few years ago, before my daughter was born, I had watched a few episodes of the children’s television show “Yo Gabba Gabba”. I was immediately attracted to its quirky, humorous and at times psychedelic imagery and storylines. It’s completely my creative aesthetic. I remember saying to my wife while she was still pregnant, “I want our daughter to grow up watching and loving this show!” Fast-forward to today and my almost 2-year old daughter is attached to and obsessed with everything Gabba. Mission accomplished!
In the process I have also developed an unhealthy level of attachment to it, to the point that I’m buying Yo Gabba Gabba trading cards, collectible figures and giant, plush pillows in the shape of the characters! I also sometimes find myself doing random eBay and Etsy searches for “Yo Gabba Gabba”. Throughout the day I may find myself singing or humming a song from the show. I also know in which episodes certain things happen, for example: in the “Differences” episode Toodee yells at Gooble and tells him to “go cry somewhere else”. I also at times feel like I know the psychology behind each character and how they would act in a given situation. It’s almost as if they’re real to me!
How did this happen? How did I, and my daughter, become so obsessed with it? I was reflecting on this from a Krishna Conscious perspective and I realized it’s all about conditioning and association. The more time we are exposed to and associate with something (or someone) we start to emulate, assimilate and become like that. It’s all about the repetition of exposure. This is how conditioning works. It’s just like smoking cigarettes. The first time someone inhales the smoke it’s an unpleasant experience. It burns and makes them cough, but there is some pleasure from the nicotine, so they continue to do it. They repeat the process so much until they are no longer adversely affected by the inhalation of smoke. The smoker becomes conditioned to it. Conversely, it’s also the same with exercise. At first we may be extremely out of shape and become short of breath walking up a flight of stairs. After continued exercising the heart and lungs become stronger; they become conditioned.
As conditioned souls we have been repeatedly exposed to the material energy from time immemorial. We have intimately associated with it for so long that the conception of anything beyond it seems imaginary and unreal. While wandering around in this material energy we have come up with so many avenues for sense gratification. We have devised countless ways to be distracted, enamored and conditioned by the material world. In the veil of these distractions Yo Gabba Gabba is just another thread.
Sometimes I joke with my wife that we should have been showing our daughter Krishna Conscious videos from her birth so that she would be obsessed with Krishna. Am I doing a disservice to my daughter by making her attached to such mundane things? I can imagine some strict, stalwart Vaishnavas would respond with an emphatic, “YES!” The not-so-stalwart devotees would say, “Lighten up, she’s just a kid!” Unfortunately being one of those lowly, not so strict “devotees” I lean towards the side of thinking, “It’s really not a big deal. She has her whole life to become Krishna Conscious. Besides, she’s too young to even really appreciate or understand it.”
I sometimes wonder what the benefit would be of dressing her up in Indian clothing, putting tilak on her forehead, tulasi beads around her neck and getting her to put her arms up and shout “Haribol!” if all she’s doing is blindly, innocently imitating. I guess it can make the parents feel a sense of pride, like “Hey, look at what an awesome devotee my kid is!” but does it really afford the child any real benefit? Sure, it’s the benefit of influence and devotional impressions, but even children born to strict Vaishnava parents can go on to become drinkers, smokers, drug-takers and sex addicts. Ultimately isn’t it my child’s karma that will determine their level of enthusiasm, interest and faith in Krishna Consciousness? As we all know, many of us grew up in non-devotional, materialistic, “demoniac” households and still came to the path of bhakti later in our lives. So I guess I don’t believe that exclusively exposing children to Krishna Conscious music, movies and themes leads to a pure devotee. There are so many karmic factors involved for every individual that we can’t always understand it on the surface.
However we spend our time here in this material world is how we become. In other words, if I spend all of my time absorbed in thoughts of comic books, I will become an expert in comic books. If I spend all of my time absorbed in thoughts of art education, I will become an expert in art education. We are all in the process of being “brainwashed”. We fill up our brains with the desires of our hearts. The question is, “What drives our desires here in this world?” Why am I obsessed with Yo Gabba Gabba, yet another parent or another person could care less about it? It then seems to become a question of karma and destiny. The “how” and “why” of what drives us is intimately connected to our karma. We are born into this world with certain parents, certain peers, and certain associations that shape, mold and influence us to become who we are at present. Even at the present moment we are taking in various influences from our environments that continue to color the lens of our perception and consciousness.
Is my attachment to all things Gabba a detriment on the path of devotional service? No doubt it is. I know it’s just nonsense maya. I know it distracts me from thinking about God and service to God. The problem is that I don’t take it as a serious problem, because my faith and devotion are so weak. There is honestly no way to “have our cake” and “eat it too”. There is no way to mix water with oil. There is no way to have a little maya in our life and to be Krishna Conscious at the same time.
At some point I will have to choose which life I want. I will have to decide between maya (sense gratification) and Krishna (selfless devotional service). I just hope I can make the right decision before I die. I also hope I don’t call out the name of Brobee at the time of death.

The Magical Coin
→ A Convenient Truth



I recently acquired an old, silver tanka (somewhat similar to the one pictured above) from the reign of Husain Shah in Bengal (1493-1519). This is the same Husain Shah that enlisted Sanatana and Rupa Goswami in his service. Here’s a bit about him from Wikipedia (yeah, I know, it’s Wikipedia, but the information is accurate, so who cares!):
“The reign of Husain Shah is also known for religious tolerance towards his Hindusubjects of Bengal. However, R.C. Majumdar claims that during his Orissa campaigns, he destroyed some Hindu temples, which Vrindavana Dasa Thakura has mentioned in his Chaitanya Bhagavata.The celebrated medieval saint, Chaitanya Mahaprabhu and his followers preached the Bhakti cult thorughout Bengal during his reign. When Husain Shah came to know about Chaitanya Mahaprabhu's huge following amongst his subjects, he ordered his qazis not to injure him in any way and allow him to go wherever he liked. Later, two high level Hindu officers in Husain Shah's administration, his Private Secretary, (Dabir-i-Khas) Rupa Goswamiand his Initmate Minister (Saghir Malik) Sanatana Goswamibecame devoted followers of Chaitanya Mahaprabhu.”
As I hold this coin and reflect upon the history behind it, I can’t help but feel its spiritual potency. It was on the planet, in Bengal, at the very same time that Sri Caitanya Mahaprabhu and His associates were present there, wandering about and propagating the sankirtan movement. I begin to imagine the coin’s secret history. I wonder about who’s hands it passed through. I wonder about the person that made it. Had he at some point known about or met Srila Rupa Goswami or Srila Sanatana Goswami? Was this coin once in the possession of someone at that time who had seen or known about Sri Caitanya Mahaprabhu and His associates? Perhaps they had even heard or participated in sankirtan?
It’s so surreal to think back in history like this and to imagine the details of the time. Here is this coin that has traveled through time, from at least 1493, and made it into the palm of my hand. When we, as devotees, come in contact with historical artifacts from the Lord’s pastimes it really makes you appreciate everything so much more. At least for me, it makes me realize that, “Yes, this is real. Sri Caitanya Mahaprabhu is real. He was really here with all of his associates and devotees!” Of course as spiritualists we are supposed to accept all of these things on faith regardless of if there is physical, material, historical evidence. I admit my faith is not so strong.
Sometimes in India, specifically in the holy dhamas, we may come across temples that proclaim they have Sri Caitanya Mahaprabhu’s water pot or danda or Sri Krishna’s footprints in a rock or other such items. I can’t help having a healthy sense of doubt about a lot of these items. I know that maybe I shouldn’t, but I do. You never really know if the temple sevaites are just making stories up to gain more attention and (ultimately) more donations or if these articles are genuine.
Since Sri Caitanya Mahaprabhu appeared so long ago I have no way of empirically knowing if He’s real or not. I have to accept what has been handed down through the written histories, as well as through the disciplic succession. That’s the oddest, most curious thing about the past: we never really know if it happened. Even if we have historical records of the past, we never really know the details of things. We are forever trapped in the eternal present that is unfolding at every moment, unable to ever fully know the past or future. It’s just another one of our limitations as conditioned jivas.
This coin is a recorded moment in time. It honors and proclaims Husain Shah’s reign for everyone who was to later encounter it. This is the nature of creating history. We make our mark and move on from this current body, this current time. We become history ourselves.
I wonder what I will leave behind. I wonder if anyone in the future will look at what I did and wonder if it really happened or not. I wonder if in 200 or 300 years someone would read about my experiences with my Guru Maharaja and wonder if he was real and wonder if my stories about him were true. Of course they will never be able to truly know, being stuck in that nefarious, eternal present.
The people who were around when this coin was made and the people that possessed this coin (along with their personal histories and stories) have come and gone. Wouldn’t it have been amazing if someone had kept a written record of this coin’s origin and history, from the moment it was made to the moment it ended up in the hands of a rare coin specialist in modern day California? And what if we had known the details of the lives of every person that owned it? It’s amazing to think of the rich history this coin holds.
I will never known all of these things. I can only know that by serendipity this coin has come into my possession. It has become many things to me. It has become a reminder to me that Sri Caitanya Mahaprabhu, His associates and His sankirtan movement were (and are) real. It is a reminder to me that I am mortal and that I too will become part of the past. It has (strangely) become an object to increase my faith in Sri Krishna and the process of devotional service.
Such a simple thing this old coin is, yet it resonates the energy of a magical touchstone.

The Magical Coin
→ A Convenient Truth



I recently acquired an old, silver tanka (somewhat similar to the one pictured above) from the reign of Husain Shah in Bengal (1493-1519). This is the same Husain Shah that enlisted Sanatana and Rupa Goswami in his service. Here’s a bit about him from Wikipedia (yeah, I know, it’s Wikipedia, but the information is accurate, so who cares!):
“The reign of Husain Shah is also known for religious tolerance towards his Hindusubjects of Bengal. However, R.C. Majumdar claims that during his Orissa campaigns, he destroyed some Hindu temples, which Vrindavana Dasa Thakura has mentioned in his Chaitanya Bhagavata.The celebrated medieval saint, Chaitanya Mahaprabhu and his followers preached the Bhakti cult thorughout Bengal during his reign. When Husain Shah came to know about Chaitanya Mahaprabhu's huge following amongst his subjects, he ordered his qazis not to injure him in any way and allow him to go wherever he liked. Later, two high level Hindu officers in Husain Shah's administration, his Private Secretary, (Dabir-i-Khas) Rupa Goswamiand his Initmate Minister (Saghir Malik) Sanatana Goswamibecame devoted followers of Chaitanya Mahaprabhu.”
As I hold this coin and reflect upon the history behind it, I can’t help but feel its spiritual potency. It was on the planet, in Bengal, at the very same time that Sri Caitanya Mahaprabhu and His associates were present there, wandering about and propagating the sankirtan movement. I begin to imagine the coin’s secret history. I wonder about who’s hands it passed through. I wonder about the person that made it. Had he at some point known about or met Srila Rupa Goswami or Srila Sanatana Goswami? Was this coin once in the possession of someone at that time who had seen or known about Sri Caitanya Mahaprabhu and His associates? Perhaps they had even heard or participated in sankirtan?
It’s so surreal to think back in history like this and to imagine the details of the time. Here is this coin that has traveled through time, from at least 1493, and made it into the palm of my hand. When we, as devotees, come in contact with historical artifacts from the Lord’s pastimes it really makes you appreciate everything so much more. At least for me, it makes me realize that, “Yes, this is real. Sri Caitanya Mahaprabhu is real. He was really here with all of his associates and devotees!” Of course as spiritualists we are supposed to accept all of these things on faith regardless of if there is physical, material, historical evidence. I admit my faith is not so strong.
Sometimes in India, specifically in the holy dhamas, we may come across temples that proclaim they have Sri Caitanya Mahaprabhu’s water pot or danda or Sri Krishna’s footprints in a rock or other such items. I can’t help having a healthy sense of doubt about a lot of these items. I know that maybe I shouldn’t, but I do. You never really know if the temple sevaites are just making stories up to gain more attention and (ultimately) more donations or if these articles are genuine.
Since Sri Caitanya Mahaprabhu appeared so long ago I have no way of empirically knowing if He’s real or not. I have to accept what has been handed down through the written histories, as well as through the disciplic succession. That’s the oddest, most curious thing about the past: we never really know if it happened. Even if we have historical records of the past, we never really know the details of things. We are forever trapped in the eternal present that is unfolding at every moment, unable to ever fully know the past or future. It’s just another one of our limitations as conditioned jivas.
This coin is a recorded moment in time. It honors and proclaims Husain Shah’s reign for everyone who was to later encounter it. This is the nature of creating history. We make our mark and move on from this current body, this current time. We become history ourselves.
I wonder what I will leave behind. I wonder if anyone in the future will look at what I did and wonder if it really happened or not. I wonder if in 200 or 300 years someone would read about my experiences with my Guru Maharaja and wonder if he was real and wonder if my stories about him were true. Of course they will never be able to truly know, being stuck in that nefarious, eternal present.
The people who were around when this coin was made and the people that possessed this coin (along with their personal histories and stories) have come and gone. Wouldn’t it have been amazing if someone had kept a written record of this coin’s origin and history, from the moment it was made to the moment it ended up in the hands of a rare coin specialist in modern day California? And what if we had known the details of the lives of every person that owned it? It’s amazing to think of the rich history this coin holds.
I will never known all of these things. I can only know that by serendipity this coin has come into my possession. It has become many things to me. It has become a reminder to me that Sri Caitanya Mahaprabhu, His associates and His sankirtan movement were (and are) real. It is a reminder to me that I am mortal and that I too will become part of the past. It has (strangely) become an object to increase my faith in Sri Krishna and the process of devotional service.
Such a simple thing this old coin is, yet it resonates the energy of a magical touchstone.

Let Go and Let God…Punch You In the Face
→ A Convenient Truth

 

“Everyone is bound up by the resultant action of his karma. It cannot be changed. So sastra says don’t try to change your karma-phala. Better utilize that energy for becoming advanced in Krishna Consciousness. You cannot change your destiny. That is not possible. “Then shall I not endeavor for improvement of my economic condition?” No! Why? Because destiny, automatically you have your destiny, you will get it. “How shall I get it?” Suppose if you are put into some unwanted circumstances, you do not want it. You are forced to accept it. Similarly, as a distressed condition comes upon you without your wanting, the position of happiness will also come to you, even if you don’t try for it.”
- Srila Prabhupada (conversation with Gurudas – Vrindavan, India, Feb. 6th, 1974)
It seems that every time I listen to an audio recording of Srila Prabhupada he is saying the above statement is various ways. Is it Paramatma/Sri Guru (Krishna in my heart) trying to tell me something? Undoubtedly.
It’s a very interesting point to reflect upon that we cannot change our destiny. Our destiny is “fixed up” (as Srila Prabhupada has said elsewhere on this topic). We are already given a certain quota of happiness and distress based on our previous karmic reactions. This is why sometimes we may endeavor so hard to get some kind of happiness and yet no matter the intensity of our effort it never comes to us. We may think if we endeavor to obtain some material possession, like a piece of clothing or a collectible that we will be happy in the end. Usually what ends up happening though is that after getting the object of our desire, we do not experience the kind of happiness we had hoped for.
Happiness and distress are all about our karma. We cannot experience happiness unless it comes as a result of our previous karma. We also do not experience misery and distress unless it is also a result of previous karma.
When you really ponder this it makes you wonder, “Well then should I just not bother trying to avoid misery and pursuing happiness?” The answer here, from Srila Prabhupada and the satras, would be, “Do not bother!” We may wonder then, “Won’t this make a bunch of lazy, unmotivated people sitting around doing nothing?” The point is that we don’t stop all activities. Instead we perform activities that further advance us along on the path of devotional service. That’s why Srila Prabhupada said above that we should use our energy for becoming Krishna Conscious. Don’t bother trying to be materially happy here, because it’s a waste of time. A) You can’t change your destiny and B) everything here is temporary. The pursuit of material happiness is futile on both counts.
I am far from actually realizing this knowledge. I have terrible obsessive compulsive behaviors that stem from my fear and anxiety of experiencing migraine headaches. I think that if I follow certain patterns in my daily routines that I will somehow circumvent and avoid migraine attacks. It’s completely irrational and I know it is. Logically I know that I cannot control what is happening to me by repeating the same daily routines, but emotionally it’s hard to stop.
I imagine what it would be like if I lived in this detached, care-free, anxiety-less world where I just accepted whatever happiness and distress came on their own accord. It would definitely allow my mind and consciousness to be more focused on Krishna. Somehow I have to let me fears and anxieties go. They are an impediment to my developing genuine, transcendental consciousness.
This body I am currently in is already destined to experience a certain amount of pains and pleasures. I should stop trying to avoid the pain (and being in anxiety about when it may come) and stop trying to pursue happiness in the things of this world. The power of the Holy Name and remembering Krishna and my true, spiritual, eternal identity can help me get to that place. It’s the only process that will work in this kali-yuga.
There comes a point in our life when we truly have to live the saying “let go and let God”.

Let Go and Let God…Punch You In the Face
→ A Convenient Truth

 

“Everyone is bound up by the resultant action of his karma. It cannot be changed. So sastra says don’t try to change your karma-phala. Better utilize that energy for becoming advanced in Krishna Consciousness. You cannot change your destiny. That is not possible. “Then shall I not endeavor for improvement of my economic condition?” No! Why? Because destiny, automatically you have your destiny, you will get it. “How shall I get it?” Suppose if you are put into some unwanted circumstances, you do not want it. You are forced to accept it. Similarly, as a distressed condition comes upon you without your wanting, the position of happiness will also come to you, even if you don’t try for it.”
- Srila Prabhupada (conversation with Gurudas – Vrindavan, India, Feb. 6th, 1974)
It seems that every time I listen to an audio recording of Srila Prabhupada he is saying the above statement is various ways. Is it Paramatma/Sri Guru (Krishna in my heart) trying to tell me something? Undoubtedly.
It’s a very interesting point to reflect upon that we cannot change our destiny. Our destiny is “fixed up” (as Srila Prabhupada has said elsewhere on this topic). We are already given a certain quota of happiness and distress based on our previous karmic reactions. This is why sometimes we may endeavor so hard to get some kind of happiness and yet no matter the intensity of our effort it never comes to us. We may think if we endeavor to obtain some material possession, like a piece of clothing or a collectible that we will be happy in the end. Usually what ends up happening though is that after getting the object of our desire, we do not experience the kind of happiness we had hoped for.
Happiness and distress are all about our karma. We cannot experience happiness unless it comes as a result of our previous karma. We also do not experience misery and distress unless it is also a result of previous karma.
When you really ponder this it makes you wonder, “Well then should I just not bother trying to avoid misery and pursuing happiness?” The answer here, from Srila Prabhupada and the satras, would be, “Do not bother!” We may wonder then, “Won’t this make a bunch of lazy, unmotivated people sitting around doing nothing?” The point is that we don’t stop all activities. Instead we perform activities that further advance us along on the path of devotional service. That’s why Srila Prabhupada said above that we should use our energy for becoming Krishna Conscious. Don’t bother trying to be materially happy here, because it’s a waste of time. A) You can’t change your destiny and B) everything here is temporary. The pursuit of material happiness is futile on both counts.
I am far from actually realizing this knowledge. I have terrible obsessive compulsive behaviors that stem from my fear and anxiety of experiencing migraine headaches. I think that if I follow certain patterns in my daily routines that I will somehow circumvent and avoid migraine attacks. It’s completely irrational and I know it is. Logically I know that I cannot control what is happening to me by repeating the same daily routines, but emotionally it’s hard to stop.
I imagine what it would be like if I lived in this detached, care-free, anxiety-less world where I just accepted whatever happiness and distress came on their own accord. It would definitely allow my mind and consciousness to be more focused on Krishna. Somehow I have to let me fears and anxieties go. They are an impediment to my developing genuine, transcendental consciousness.
This body I am currently in is already destined to experience a certain amount of pains and pleasures. I should stop trying to avoid the pain (and being in anxiety about when it may come) and stop trying to pursue happiness in the things of this world. The power of the Holy Name and remembering Krishna and my true, spiritual, eternal identity can help me get to that place. It’s the only process that will work in this kali-yuga.
There comes a point in our life when we truly have to live the saying “let go and let God”.

Reflections on HH Bhakti Tirtha Swami’s Appearance Day
→ A Convenient Truth


 

This year I completely forgot about my Guru Maharaja’s Vyasa-puja/Appearance Day. I only remembered it when my wife mentioned that one of her friend’s had mentioned it to her. I had been so caught up in thinking of my wife’s birthday and my everyday responsibilities that I completely wasn’t even thinking about it.
It really made me wonder about the depth of my commitment and seriousness about the process of bhakti-yoga. What kind of disciple am I if I don’t even remember or honor my Spiritual Master’s Appearance Day? Then again, what kind of disciple am I if I don’t even strictly follow my initiation vows?
I’ve pondered this notion before in other blog posts. I’ve examined my faith (or lack thereof), my doubts and my lack of enthusiasm. Some devotees commented at the time that doubt and self-reflection are important processes on the path of bhakti. Without it we may accept things blindly or become mechanical in our routines. I have to wonder though: at what point does the doubt become destructive, rather than constructive? When does it become detrimental rather than beneficial?
I think back to my days as my Guru Maharaja’s personal servant and secretary. It was so long ago that it seems like it was another lifetime ago. It also seems like another lifetime ago because of the completely different consciousness I had at the time. Where did that young brahamcari go? Where did my enthusiasm go? Where did my conviction go?
I spent a lot of time in the physical presence of my Guru Maharaja. When he would stay at Gita Nagari I would massage his feet every evening. One time during this service he said to me, “One day you’ll look back and be very grateful for this time.” He didn’t say it or mean it in an egotistical way. I took what he said to mean that I would look back at that time and remember what it was like to be fully absorbed in devotional service. I think he knew I was moving away from the path and could understand that in the future I would be “out in the world” and experiencing the mundane, daily struggle for survival.
I think of that prophetic statement and wonder: how much did those experiences change me? How different did I become from all of that service? What was really the benefit of it all?  It’s difficult when your Spiritual Master physically departs. It’s hard enough to be serious about the process when your Guru is in a different State or on a different continent, what to speak of when they’re no longer on the planet at all.  Of course if we’re talking about the principle of Sri Guru (that indwelling Paramatma), then the Guru is never away from us, even for a second.
Even though my Guru Maharaja has physically departed, that principle of Sri Guru remains. That guidance is still available to me if I am receptive to it. Not necessarily in the same form, but in the essence.
Maybe the way in which personally serving my Guru Maharaja changed me or benefited me is that I cannot give up the path of bhakti, no matter how great my doubts or weaknesses become. When I moved out of the temple in 2002 I went back to a materialistic life: playing in a band, drinking, smoking, watching TV, etc. But through it all I couldn’t forget about Krishna and the process of devotional service. There were even times when I was in an “altered state” and I would turn on a Srila Gour Govinda Swami lecture or an Aindra Prabhu kirtan. My central focus never strayed too far from Krishna, even when externally it appeared that I was fully in the throes of maya.
So perhaps this was my Guru Maharaja’s blessing upon me. Perhaps that was my great fortune in being able to serve him. He gave me the ability to always come back to Krishna Consciousness. Isn’t that really the essence of Sri Guru/Sri Nityananda Prabhu’s causeless mercy? That somehow, in spite of our selves and our shortcomings, that we will inevitably reach the lotus feet of Krishna?
I ashamed to admit that I forgot my Guru Maharaja’s appearance day, but I am not too proud to admit it. I am not too proud to say I am fallen and destitute. I am not too proud to say that I am nothing without the causeless mercy of Sri Sri Gaura-Nitai and Sri Guru. Maybe one day I will be able to make my Gurudeva proud by becoming an exemplary disciple. Until that I time I beg for his forgiveness for being such a dull, lazy, hypocritical and callous disciple.

Reflections on HH Bhakti Tirtha Swami’s Appearance Day
→ A Convenient Truth


 

This year I completely forgot about my Guru Maharaja’s Vyasa-puja/Appearance Day. I only remembered it when my wife mentioned that one of her friend’s had mentioned it to her. I had been so caught up in thinking of my wife’s birthday and my everyday responsibilities that I completely wasn’t even thinking about it.
It really made me wonder about the depth of my commitment and seriousness about the process of bhakti-yoga. What kind of disciple am I if I don’t even remember or honor my Spiritual Master’s Appearance Day? Then again, what kind of disciple am I if I don’t even strictly follow my initiation vows?
I’ve pondered this notion before in other blog posts. I’ve examined my faith (or lack thereof), my doubts and my lack of enthusiasm. Some devotees commented at the time that doubt and self-reflection are important processes on the path of bhakti. Without it we may accept things blindly or become mechanical in our routines. I have to wonder though: at what point does the doubt become destructive, rather than constructive? When does it become detrimental rather than beneficial?
I think back to my days as my Guru Maharaja’s personal servant and secretary. It was so long ago that it seems like it was another lifetime ago. It also seems like another lifetime ago because of the completely different consciousness I had at the time. Where did that young brahamcari go? Where did my enthusiasm go? Where did my conviction go?
I spent a lot of time in the physical presence of my Guru Maharaja. When he would stay at Gita Nagari I would massage his feet every evening. One time during this service he said to me, “One day you’ll look back and be very grateful for this time.” He didn’t say it or mean it in an egotistical way. I took what he said to mean that I would look back at that time and remember what it was like to be fully absorbed in devotional service. I think he knew I was moving away from the path and could understand that in the future I would be “out in the world” and experiencing the mundane, daily struggle for survival.
I think of that prophetic statement and wonder: how much did those experiences change me? How different did I become from all of that service? What was really the benefit of it all?  It’s difficult when your Spiritual Master physically departs. It’s hard enough to be serious about the process when your Guru is in a different State or on a different continent, what to speak of when they’re no longer on the planet at all.  Of course if we’re talking about the principle of Sri Guru (that indwelling Paramatma), then the Guru is never away from us, even for a second.
Even though my Guru Maharaja has physically departed, that principle of Sri Guru remains. That guidance is still available to me if I am receptive to it. Not necessarily in the same form, but in the essence.
Maybe the way in which personally serving my Guru Maharaja changed me or benefited me is that I cannot give up the path of bhakti, no matter how great my doubts or weaknesses become. When I moved out of the temple in 2002 I went back to a materialistic life: playing in a band, drinking, smoking, watching TV, etc. But through it all I couldn’t forget about Krishna and the process of devotional service. There were even times when I was in an “altered state” and I would turn on a Srila Gour Govinda Swami lecture or an Aindra Prabhu kirtan. My central focus never strayed too far from Krishna, even when externally it appeared that I was fully in the throes of maya.
So perhaps this was my Guru Maharaja’s blessing upon me. Perhaps that was my great fortune in being able to serve him. He gave me the ability to always come back to Krishna Consciousness. Isn’t that really the essence of Sri Guru/Sri Nityananda Prabhu’s causeless mercy? That somehow, in spite of our selves and our shortcomings, that we will inevitably reach the lotus feet of Krishna?
I ashamed to admit that I forgot my Guru Maharaja’s appearance day, but I am not too proud to admit it. I am not too proud to say I am fallen and destitute. I am not too proud to say that I am nothing without the causeless mercy of Sri Sri Gaura-Nitai and Sri Guru. Maybe one day I will be able to make my Gurudeva proud by becoming an exemplary disciple. Until that I time I beg for his forgiveness for being such a dull, lazy, hypocritical and callous disciple.

Reflections on Sri Nityananda Prabhu’s Appearance Day
→ A Convenient Truth

These festival days in the Bhakti tradition come and go so quickly. Sri Nityananda Prabhu’s Appearance Day festival was this past Sunday. Even though I have drifted so far from any substantial daily sadhana I still find myself inspired to do something devotional on this very auspicious and special day.
Some devotees think of me as a “Nitai-bhakta”. I don’t agree with this label, as I have no idea who Sri Nityananda Prabhu is and I have not an ounce of devotion for Him. I simply have some inexplicable attraction to His holy name, form and pastimes. I remember mentioning this attraction to my Guru Maharaja in a letter many years ago and he replied that my attachment to Him was wonderful, because without His mercy no one can make spiritual advancement.
So I’ve always had this attraction to His lotus feet, most likely a carry over from my previous lives. When I lived in the temple I tried to imbibe His mood of magnanimity through Harinama-sankirtan and book distribution. I remember one time even going out alone on a solo Harinama to a BBQ festival in downtown Detroit. My enthusiasm and conviction were just that strong.
Over the years something happened though. I lost that enthusiasm, that fire, that spark. My faith began to waver. As Sri Nityananda Prabhu’s Appearance Day has come and gone I was reflecting on how and why I lost “the taste” that I once had for devotional service and devotional life. Why would I today not go out and distribute books or dance through the streets singing the Lord’s glories?
Each and every one of us that has come in contact with this Krishna Consciousness movement (Gaudiya-Vaishnavism) is unfathomably and inconceivably blessed. Srila Prabhupada, acting as the divine agent of Sri Nityananda Prabhu, brought Krishna to us (the lowly, sinful and fallen) in this modern day. What is it that makes us lose sight of this great fortune?
We know from the sastras that Sri Caitanya Mahaprabhu and His eternal associates do not always personally appear. In other words, sometimes they are Vishnu expansions. Yet in this particular kali-yuga that we are living in, Krishna Himself has appeared. In the world of astronomy seeing a planetary occurrence that happens only once every thousands or millions of years excites people. How more infinitely rare and wonderful is it that we are existing on this planet when Krishna was just recently here, delivering the universe through the Holy Name.
Yet we don’t see this as great fortune. We see winning the lottery as great fortune. If there was ever a definition of “being in the right place at the right time” it is NOW! In our delusional, conditioned state we see Krishna Consciousness as just another religion, just another belief system. The reality is that it is so far beyond these external considerations.
We are so fortunate to be here at this time and to be connected to this movement, but at the same time we are so unfortunate because we cannot understand or appreciate our great fortune!
Sri Nityananda Prabhu is acting at every moment from within us as Paramatma and from without as the physically manifest Guru. There is never a moment when Sri Nityananda Prabhu is not with us, not present. So what is it that makes us forget and makes us unable to appreciate our great fortune?
In the song “Nitai Guna Mani” Locana Dasa Thakur mentions that Sri Nityananda Prabhu inundated the devotees with the ocean of love of God (Krishna-prema), but that the non-devotees “floated” on the ocean. It is our selfish misdirection of energy that keeps us “floating” on the ocean of love of God and unable to experience any of the higher tastes in devotional service.
As long as we remain absorbed in bodily identification and materialistic concerns we will never truly experience our eternal relationship with Krishna. If 99% of my time is spent in making plans for and engaging in selfish pursuits and only 1% is given to devotional service then I will lose “taste”, lose enthusiasm, lose interest, lose faith in the process. We must put 100% into devotional service, which means no selfish, self-absorbed, self-centered pursuits.
I always come back to the struggle to be selfless. Even when I was my Guru Maharaja’s personal servant I was never truly selfless. There was no love, no affection. It was simply duty and often done in a grudging mood. That is not devotion and it yields no benefit or results.
I see my daughter as a manifestation of Sri Guru. Her appearance is an opportunity for me to develop genuine selflessness, to live for someone and something other than my self. Obviously this sort of consciousness should be had in dealing with EVERY living entity that we interact with. This was the consciousness of the Avanti brahmana who saw everyone and everything as his Guru. Unfortunately I am not that advanced and so I need to take “baby steps” towards such a level of equal vision.
I pray to Sri Nityananda Prabhu to please bless me that no matter how far I stray from the path of bhakti or how strong my doubts become, that I never forget His lotus feet. I pray that He forcibly brings me to a surrendered, selfless state at His lotus feet.
I’ll end this post with a wonderful reflection and meditation upon Sri Nityananda Prabhu, given to us by Locana Dasa Thakur:
Nitai Guna Mani
"Nityananda, the Jewel of Virtues"
from the Caitanya-mangala, by Locana Dasa Thakur


1.
nitai guna-mani amar nitai guna-mani
aniya premer vanya bhasailo avani

1. My Lord Nityananda, the jewel of all virtues,
my Lord Nityananda, the jewel of all virtues,
has brought the flood of ecstatic love of God that has drowned the entire world.


2.
premer vanya loiya nitai aila gauda-dese
dubilo bhakata-gana dina hina bhase

2. Bringing this overwhelming deluge of prema
when He returned to Bengal from Jagannatha Puri on Lord Caitanya's order,
Nitai has inundated the assembly of devotees.
The fallen non-devotees did not drown, however,
but remained floating on that ecstatic ocean.


3.
dina hina patita pamara nahi bache
brahmar durlabha prema sabakare jace

3. Lord Nityananda freely offered this exalted prema,
which is difficult for Lord Brahma to attain,
even to the fallen and wretched souls who did not desire it.


4.
abaddha karuna-sindhu nitai katiya muhan
ghare ghare bule prema-amiyar ban

4. The ocean of mercy had formerly been sealed tight,
but Nitai cut a channel in its boundary
to allow the great flooding waves of nectarean prema to splash from house to house.


5.
locan bole mor nitai jeba na bhajilo
janiya suniya sei atma-ghati hoilo

5. Locana dasa says,
"Whoever has not worshiped my Nitai
or taken advantage of this excellent opportunity offered by Him
knowingly commits suicide."

Purport by A.C. Bhaktivedanta Swami Srila Prabhupada

This is a song sung by Locana Dasa Thakura, almost a contemporary of Lord Caitanya Mahaprabhu. He has got many books on the life and precepts of Lord Caitanya Mahaprabhu. So he is saying that Lord Nityananda is full of good qualities, guna-mani. Guna-manimeans the jewel of all qualities. So nitai guna-mani amar nitai guna-mani. He is repeatedly uttering that Lord Nityanandais the reservoir of all good qualities. Aniya premera vanya bhasailo avani. And on account of His spiritual qualities, he inundated the whole world by the flood of love of God. It is by His kindness people can feel what is love of God.
Premer vanya loiya nitai aila gauda-dese.When Caitanya Mahaprabhuleft home and took sannyas, He made His headquarter at Jagannatha Puri. So after His accepting the sannyas order, when He left His home and country Lord Nityananda Prabhu also accompanied Him up to JagannathaPuri. So after a few days, Lord Caitanyarequested Him that "If both of us remain here, then who will preach in Bengal?" Bengal is known as gauda-dese. So under the order of Lord Caitanya Mahaprabhu, He brought from Him the flood of love of Godhead and He distributed in the whole of Bengal, gauda-dese.And in that flood of love of God, all devotees became drowned. Only those who were not devotees, they could not drown but they were floating, dina hina bache. But so far Nityananda Prabhuis concerned, He does not make any discrimination between devotees and nondevotees. Dina hina patita pamara nahi bache. Poor or rich or enlightened or foolish, everyone could take the instruction of Lord Caitanya Mahaprabhu and become drowned in the ocean of love of Godhead.
Such love of Godhead is brahmar durlabha. Even Lord Brahma, who is the supreme teacher within this universe, he also cannot relish. But by the grace of Lord Caitanya Mahaprabhu and Nityananda Mahaprabhu, this love of Godhead was distributed to everyone without any discrimination. So abaddha karuna-sindhu, it was just like a big ocean blocked all sides. Ocean of love of Godhead is a big ocean, but it was not inundated. So Nityananda Prabhu cut a canal from the ocean, and He brought the canal in every door. Ghare ghare bule prema-amiyara ban. The flood of the nectar of love of Godhead was thus distributed in each and every home in Bengal. Actually still Bengal is overwhelmed when there is talk of Lord Caitanya Mahaprabhu and Nityananda Prabhu. Locan bole, now the author is speaking on his behalf that anyone who does not take the advantage given by Lord NityanandaPrabhu, so in his opinion he thinks that such a person knowingly is committing suicide.

Reflections on Sri Nityananda Prabhu’s Appearance Day
→ A Convenient Truth

These festival days in the Bhakti tradition come and go so quickly. Sri Nityananda Prabhu’s Appearance Day festival was this past Sunday. Even though I have drifted so far from any substantial daily sadhana I still find myself inspired to do something devotional on this very auspicious and special day.
Some devotees think of me as a “Nitai-bhakta”. I don’t agree with this label, as I have no idea who Sri Nityananda Prabhu is and I have not an ounce of devotion for Him. I simply have some inexplicable attraction to His holy name, form and pastimes. I remember mentioning this attraction to my Guru Maharaja in a letter many years ago and he replied that my attachment to Him was wonderful, because without His mercy no one can make spiritual advancement.
So I’ve always had this attraction to His lotus feet, most likely a carry over from my previous lives. When I lived in the temple I tried to imbibe His mood of magnanimity through Harinama-sankirtan and book distribution. I remember one time even going out alone on a solo Harinama to a BBQ festival in downtown Detroit. My enthusiasm and conviction were just that strong.
Over the years something happened though. I lost that enthusiasm, that fire, that spark. My faith began to waver. As Sri Nityananda Prabhu’s Appearance Day has come and gone I was reflecting on how and why I lost “the taste” that I once had for devotional service and devotional life. Why would I today not go out and distribute books or dance through the streets singing the Lord’s glories?
Each and every one of us that has come in contact with this Krishna Consciousness movement (Gaudiya-Vaishnavism) is unfathomably and inconceivably blessed. Srila Prabhupada, acting as the divine agent of Sri Nityananda Prabhu, brought Krishna to us (the lowly, sinful and fallen) in this modern day. What is it that makes us lose sight of this great fortune?
We know from the sastras that Sri Caitanya Mahaprabhu and His eternal associates do not always personally appear. In other words, sometimes they are Vishnu expansions. Yet in this particular kali-yuga that we are living in, Krishna Himself has appeared. In the world of astronomy seeing a planetary occurrence that happens only once every thousands or millions of years excites people. How more infinitely rare and wonderful is it that we are existing on this planet when Krishna was just recently here, delivering the universe through the Holy Name.
Yet we don’t see this as great fortune. We see winning the lottery as great fortune. If there was ever a definition of “being in the right place at the right time” it is NOW! In our delusional, conditioned state we see Krishna Consciousness as just another religion, just another belief system. The reality is that it is so far beyond these external considerations.
We are so fortunate to be here at this time and to be connected to this movement, but at the same time we are so unfortunate because we cannot understand or appreciate our great fortune!
Sri Nityananda Prabhu is acting at every moment from within us as Paramatma and from without as the physically manifest Guru. There is never a moment when Sri Nityananda Prabhu is not with us, not present. So what is it that makes us forget and makes us unable to appreciate our great fortune?
In the song “Nitai Guna Mani” Locana Dasa Thakur mentions that Sri Nityananda Prabhu inundated the devotees with the ocean of love of God (Krishna-prema), but that the non-devotees “floated” on the ocean. It is our selfish misdirection of energy that keeps us “floating” on the ocean of love of God and unable to experience any of the higher tastes in devotional service.
As long as we remain absorbed in bodily identification and materialistic concerns we will never truly experience our eternal relationship with Krishna. If 99% of my time is spent in making plans for and engaging in selfish pursuits and only 1% is given to devotional service then I will lose “taste”, lose enthusiasm, lose interest, lose faith in the process. We must put 100% into devotional service, which means no selfish, self-absorbed, self-centered pursuits.
I always come back to the struggle to be selfless. Even when I was my Guru Maharaja’s personal servant I was never truly selfless. There was no love, no affection. It was simply duty and often done in a grudging mood. That is not devotion and it yields no benefit or results.
I see my daughter as a manifestation of Sri Guru. Her appearance is an opportunity for me to develop genuine selflessness, to live for someone and something other than my self. Obviously this sort of consciousness should be had in dealing with EVERY living entity that we interact with. This was the consciousness of the Avanti brahmana who saw everyone and everything as his Guru. Unfortunately I am not that advanced and so I need to take “baby steps” towards such a level of equal vision.
I pray to Sri Nityananda Prabhu to please bless me that no matter how far I stray from the path of bhakti or how strong my doubts become, that I never forget His lotus feet. I pray that He forcibly brings me to a surrendered, selfless state at His lotus feet.
I’ll end this post with a wonderful reflection and meditation upon Sri Nityananda Prabhu, given to us by Locana Dasa Thakur:
Nitai Guna Mani
"Nityananda, the Jewel of Virtues"
from the Caitanya-mangala, by Locana Dasa Thakur


1.
nitai guna-mani amar nitai guna-mani
aniya premer vanya bhasailo avani

1. My Lord Nityananda, the jewel of all virtues,
my Lord Nityananda, the jewel of all virtues,
has brought the flood of ecstatic love of God that has drowned the entire world.


2.
premer vanya loiya nitai aila gauda-dese
dubilo bhakata-gana dina hina bhase

2. Bringing this overwhelming deluge of prema
when He returned to Bengal from Jagannatha Puri on Lord Caitanya's order,
Nitai has inundated the assembly of devotees.
The fallen non-devotees did not drown, however,
but remained floating on that ecstatic ocean.


3.
dina hina patita pamara nahi bache
brahmar durlabha prema sabakare jace

3. Lord Nityananda freely offered this exalted prema,
which is difficult for Lord Brahma to attain,
even to the fallen and wretched souls who did not desire it.


4.
abaddha karuna-sindhu nitai katiya muhan
ghare ghare bule prema-amiyar ban

4. The ocean of mercy had formerly been sealed tight,
but Nitai cut a channel in its boundary
to allow the great flooding waves of nectarean prema to splash from house to house.


5.
locan bole mor nitai jeba na bhajilo
janiya suniya sei atma-ghati hoilo

5. Locana dasa says,
"Whoever has not worshiped my Nitai
or taken advantage of this excellent opportunity offered by Him
knowingly commits suicide."

Purport by A.C. Bhaktivedanta Swami Srila Prabhupada

This is a song sung by Locana Dasa Thakura, almost a contemporary of Lord Caitanya Mahaprabhu. He has got many books on the life and precepts of Lord Caitanya Mahaprabhu. So he is saying that Lord Nityananda is full of good qualities, guna-mani. Guna-manimeans the jewel of all qualities. So nitai guna-mani amar nitai guna-mani. He is repeatedly uttering that Lord Nityanandais the reservoir of all good qualities. Aniya premera vanya bhasailo avani. And on account of His spiritual qualities, he inundated the whole world by the flood of love of God. It is by His kindness people can feel what is love of God.
Premer vanya loiya nitai aila gauda-dese.When Caitanya Mahaprabhuleft home and took sannyas, He made His headquarter at Jagannatha Puri. So after His accepting the sannyas order, when He left His home and country Lord Nityananda Prabhu also accompanied Him up to JagannathaPuri. So after a few days, Lord Caitanyarequested Him that "If both of us remain here, then who will preach in Bengal?" Bengal is known as gauda-dese. So under the order of Lord Caitanya Mahaprabhu, He brought from Him the flood of love of Godhead and He distributed in the whole of Bengal, gauda-dese.And in that flood of love of God, all devotees became drowned. Only those who were not devotees, they could not drown but they were floating, dina hina bache. But so far Nityananda Prabhuis concerned, He does not make any discrimination between devotees and nondevotees. Dina hina patita pamara nahi bache. Poor or rich or enlightened or foolish, everyone could take the instruction of Lord Caitanya Mahaprabhu and become drowned in the ocean of love of Godhead.
Such love of Godhead is brahmar durlabha. Even Lord Brahma, who is the supreme teacher within this universe, he also cannot relish. But by the grace of Lord Caitanya Mahaprabhu and Nityananda Mahaprabhu, this love of Godhead was distributed to everyone without any discrimination. So abaddha karuna-sindhu, it was just like a big ocean blocked all sides. Ocean of love of Godhead is a big ocean, but it was not inundated. So Nityananda Prabhu cut a canal from the ocean, and He brought the canal in every door. Ghare ghare bule prema-amiyara ban. The flood of the nectar of love of Godhead was thus distributed in each and every home in Bengal. Actually still Bengal is overwhelmed when there is talk of Lord Caitanya Mahaprabhu and Nityananda Prabhu. Locan bole, now the author is speaking on his behalf that anyone who does not take the advantage given by Lord NityanandaPrabhu, so in his opinion he thinks that such a person knowingly is committing suicide.

Bi-Monthly Death Obsession and Other Ramblings
→ A Convenient Truth


With the recent tragedy of three devotees losing their lives in a car accident, it got me thinking about destiny and fate. I’ve heard many times in Srila Prabhupada’s lectures that our happiness and suffering are “fixed up” according to our karma and that they are both simply manifesting of their own accord. He has said that we shouldn’t bother looking for happiness, because it will come to us automatically according to our karma. Similarly we shouldn’t bother trying to stop suffering, because it will also come to us and run its destined course.
I had met Nitai dasa in New Vrindavan when I was my Guru Maharaja’s personal servant. We didn’t have a deep connection or friendship. It was just an informal interaction, like the usual “Haribol, prabhu”. I look back at that moment and think how strange it is that so many years later he would end up in a fatal car accident. There he was at that moment in time with me, both of us oblivious to his fate.
It got me thinking about my own fate. It’s most certainly already destined, already written according to my karma. The scary thing is that I have no way of knowing how or when that time will come. A devotee should live fearlessly. Usually we live fearlessly out of ignorance and not because of transcendental realization. I live my day-to-day existence unafraid of death simply because I’m not thinking about it. It’s not that I’m genuinely unafraid to die.
I imagine a sort of deep-seated paranoia and fear would set in if one were to always be obsessing about their demise. One would become afraid to go outside for fear that they could meet death through an accident or similar calamity. The fact is no matter how much we obsess over it there is no stopping it. So most of us live our lives not thinking about it, not giving it any serious consideration.
Death puts so many things into perspective. It renders so many things meaningless and futile. The spiritualists would have us believe that the only thing not rendered meaningless by death is devotional service. When you think about it, it makes sense…that is if you believe in an afterlife and a Supreme Being.
In what ways are we using our time here? Do we spend it in temporary, transient pursuits? Or do we spend it in trying to cultivate our eternal identity and nature? Are we only concerned with the trials and tribulations of this current existence? Or are we planning for the future beyond the dissolution of our physical bodies?
Most of us spend so much time swimming around in the material, external energy that the internal, spiritual energy seems imaginary. But that is our disease! Accepting illusion as reality and reality as illusion. We have no idea who or what we really are. We are not humans. We are not any type of material body. What we truly are is beyond our limited reasoning and comprehension, because in truth we are non-different from the Supreme Being (in quality, not quantity of course).
It’s a fact that at any moment we may die. The question is: will we be ready for it? Are we living our lives like a person who is staying the night at a hotel and knows in the morning they must pack and leave? Or are we living like we’ll be in the hotel forever?
I’ve died a million times and yet under illusion I’m thinking I’ll be here forever.
So what is the nature of that internal side? There is no pasts or future. Only an eternal now. There is no self-centered considerations. Consciousness is perfectly entwined with the Divine. The only thought and meditation is on the center, on God, on Krishna. Selfish desires and ideals are non-existent having fallen away once the illusory covering has been lifted. There is no physical body that gets hungry or tired. It is a supremely blissful place that is ever-increasing in its blissful and wondrous nature. There is harmony and ecstasy. It is true freedom.
That quarter of consciousness is deep within every living being. It remains inaccessible to most because of a misdirection of energy. That place is none other than the spiritual kingdom and within that kingdom there are different quarters. The highest quarter being Goloka Vrindavan. The spiritual authorities have been to that place and experienced all of its nuances. It is a completely different world where selfless love and devotion reign. Everything in this material world is insignificant and unimportant when compared to it. But this place cannot be conceptualized; only experienced first hand. It cannot be understood philosophically or intellectually. It has be given through divine revelation, divine mercy.
Krishna is eternally present with us, but under illusion we ignore Him and are unaware of his presence. When the veil of illusion is lifted there is no way not to see Him everywhere and in everything.
We all have to meet with death. That is a fact we cannot ignore. We have to develop some sense of urgency about our predicament here in the temporary, material world. We have to push on towards that internal, spiritual, transcendental world. We have to pursue it with earnestness and serious. It has to become real to us. It has to become the only thing worth living for. Otherwise we have simply wasted our time here…yet again.

Bi-Monthly Death Obsession and Other Ramblings
→ A Convenient Truth


With the recent tragedy of three devotees losing their lives in a car accident, it got me thinking about destiny and fate. I’ve heard many times in Srila Prabhupada’s lectures that our happiness and suffering are “fixed up” according to our karma and that they are both simply manifesting of their own accord. He has said that we shouldn’t bother looking for happiness, because it will come to us automatically according to our karma. Similarly we shouldn’t bother trying to stop suffering, because it will also come to us and run its destined course.
I had met Nitai dasa in New Vrindavan when I was my Guru Maharaja’s personal servant. We didn’t have a deep connection or friendship. It was just an informal interaction, like the usual “Haribol, prabhu”. I look back at that moment and think how strange it is that so many years later he would end up in a fatal car accident. There he was at that moment in time with me, both of us oblivious to his fate.
It got me thinking about my own fate. It’s most certainly already destined, already written according to my karma. The scary thing is that I have no way of knowing how or when that time will come. A devotee should live fearlessly. Usually we live fearlessly out of ignorance and not because of transcendental realization. I live my day-to-day existence unafraid of death simply because I’m not thinking about it. It’s not that I’m genuinely unafraid to die.
I imagine a sort of deep-seated paranoia and fear would set in if one were to always be obsessing about their demise. One would become afraid to go outside for fear that they could meet death through an accident or similar calamity. The fact is no matter how much we obsess over it there is no stopping it. So most of us live our lives not thinking about it, not giving it any serious consideration.
Death puts so many things into perspective. It renders so many things meaningless and futile. The spiritualists would have us believe that the only thing not rendered meaningless by death is devotional service. When you think about it, it makes sense…that is if you believe in an afterlife and a Supreme Being.
In what ways are we using our time here? Do we spend it in temporary, transient pursuits? Or do we spend it in trying to cultivate our eternal identity and nature? Are we only concerned with the trials and tribulations of this current existence? Or are we planning for the future beyond the dissolution of our physical bodies?
Most of us spend so much time swimming around in the material, external energy that the internal, spiritual energy seems imaginary. But that is our disease! Accepting illusion as reality and reality as illusion. We have no idea who or what we really are. We are not humans. We are not any type of material body. What we truly are is beyond our limited reasoning and comprehension, because in truth we are non-different from the Supreme Being (in quality, not quantity of course).
It’s a fact that at any moment we may die. The question is: will we be ready for it? Are we living our lives like a person who is staying the night at a hotel and knows in the morning they must pack and leave? Or are we living like we’ll be in the hotel forever?
I’ve died a million times and yet under illusion I’m thinking I’ll be here forever.
So what is the nature of that internal side? There is no pasts or future. Only an eternal now. There is no self-centered considerations. Consciousness is perfectly entwined with the Divine. The only thought and meditation is on the center, on God, on Krishna. Selfish desires and ideals are non-existent having fallen away once the illusory covering has been lifted. There is no physical body that gets hungry or tired. It is a supremely blissful place that is ever-increasing in its blissful and wondrous nature. There is harmony and ecstasy. It is true freedom.
That quarter of consciousness is deep within every living being. It remains inaccessible to most because of a misdirection of energy. That place is none other than the spiritual kingdom and within that kingdom there are different quarters. The highest quarter being Goloka Vrindavan. The spiritual authorities have been to that place and experienced all of its nuances. It is a completely different world where selfless love and devotion reign. Everything in this material world is insignificant and unimportant when compared to it. But this place cannot be conceptualized; only experienced first hand. It cannot be understood philosophically or intellectually. It has be given through divine revelation, divine mercy.
Krishna is eternally present with us, but under illusion we ignore Him and are unaware of his presence. When the veil of illusion is lifted there is no way not to see Him everywhere and in everything.
We all have to meet with death. That is a fact we cannot ignore. We have to develop some sense of urgency about our predicament here in the temporary, material world. We have to push on towards that internal, spiritual, transcendental world. We have to pursue it with earnestness and serious. It has to become real to us. It has to become the only thing worth living for. Otherwise we have simply wasted our time here…yet again.

The Heart of Mantra Meditation
→ Life Comes From Life

Prayer Beads


One of my favorite passages in the Bhagavad-gītā is where Krishna, the personification of the Divine, tells his stricken warrior friend Arjuna that:

For him who has conquered the mind, the mind is the best of friends; but for one who has failed to do so, his mind will remain the greatest enemy. (Chapter 6, Verse 6)

Of all the pearls of wisdom we try to teach our students at our Gita Circle student club at New York University, this is one passage that really seems to stick out in a very visceral, practical way.  The Gita is a book of everyday reasoning, a treatise of spiritual technology designed to help us take a step back from the world in order to engage with it further, as the great sages from the Himalayas to Walden Pond did for many ages before we tread upon this world.

Nowhere is this reasoning more intensely felt when we stop our everyday scheming and dreaming to ask some pertinent questions: What is my mind? How does it work? How does it exist? Why does it seem unable to focus when I need it to? Who is the “I” that is observing the mind?  Our mind is more powerful, and with a much deeper memory than any visionary device from the labs at Apple or Google.  It is considered the “sixth sense”, intimately linked to how the rest of our senses interact and respond, for better or for worse, to the physical reality that surrounds us.

As our students at NYU also experience, when we meditate together, we are instantly confronted with the fact that the mind prefers to be in an adversarial position. Even to just focus simply our breath for a few moments at a time in a tremendous endeavor.

Arjuna, in the Gita, agrees when he says:

The mind is restless, turbulent, obstinate and very strong, O Krsna, and to subdue it, I think, is more difficult than controlling the wind.

Krishna, while trying to present the true reality of our bodily and mental nature as clearly as possible in the Gita, is also trying to show us that we can transcend this nature into the actuality of our being as spirit, so he responds to Arjuna's plea by saying:

O mighty-armed son of Kuntī, it is undoubtedly very difficult to curb the restless mind, but it is possible by suitable practice and by detachment.

The wisdom texts of the Bhakti tradition have a specific and compassionate design to help us access this suitable practice and detachment, in the form of a specific style of meditation using mantra.  Many of us are familiar with this word, but not as much as with its actual meaning.  Contemporary Bhakti scholar Stephen Knapp explains:

Man means the mind, tra means deliverance. Therefore, a spiritual mantra is the pure sound vibration for delivering the mind from material to spiritual consciousness. This is the goal of any spiritual path. 

The Bhakti tradition of the Gita recommends the chanting of the Hare Krishna mantra (Hare Krishna/Hare Krishna/Krishna Krishna/Hare Hare/Hare Rama/Hare Rama/Rama Rama/Hare Hare), which is known as the maha-mantra (“great chant for deliverance”).  This mantra consists of three names of the Divine: Hare (the feminine aspect of the Divine), Krishna (the all-attractive aspect of the Divine), and Rama (the pleasure reservoir of the Divine).

Just by resounding the vibrations of these names within one's body, mind, and heart, one comes into contact with the Divine, with God, who is not different from His/Her holy names. Chanting mantras engages so many of our faculties, from our hands delicately handling our prayer beads to our voices soaring in the musical chanting of these mantras, also known as kirtan. 

This is something I do every day (quite early in the day, befitting my monk lifestyle) in a consistent timeframe and manner, which gives me fuel to swim the upstream tide of spiritual life in the material world.  Paul McCartney said that meditation to him was akin to brushing one's teeth, in that he couldn't imagine going without it.  I certainly agree with that but I know as well the intention behind meditation must go deeper.


The chanting of mantras allows us, as we learn to focus, control, and harness the power of our mind for spiritual good, to gain access to these deeper benefits of meditation.  By chanting the Hare Krishna mantra, for example, we gain access to the heart of the reality of our being, as spirit soul seeking to return to our eternal loving relationship with God. 
 
Truly, meditation is meant to bring us to this reality, and while we can certainly enjoy and prosper from the stress relief and mental growth we get from our practice, we should always be striving for the divine love that is within us, which allows us to fully connect to God and to all life around us.

Chris Fici is a writer/teacher/monk in the bhakti-yoga tradition. He has been practicing at the Bhaktivedanta Ashram at the Bhakti Center in New York City since 2009.  After receiving a degree in film studies at the University of Michigan, Chris began his exploration and study of the bhakti tradition. He currently teaches classes on the culture and art of vegetarian cooking, as well as the living philosophy of the Bhagavad-Gita, at New York University and Columbia University. 




The Heart of Mantra Meditation
→ Life Comes From Life

Prayer Beads


One of my favorite passages in the Bhagavad-gītā is where Krishna, the personification of the Divine, tells his stricken warrior friend Arjuna that:

For him who has conquered the mind, the mind is the best of friends; but for one who has failed to do so, his mind will remain the greatest enemy. (Chapter 6, Verse 6)

Of all the pearls of wisdom we try to teach our students at our Gita Circle student club at New York University, this is one passage that really seems to stick out in a very visceral, practical way.  The Gita is a book of everyday reasoning, a treatise of spiritual technology designed to help us take a step back from the world in order to engage with it further, as the great sages from the Himalayas to Walden Pond did for many ages before we tread upon this world.

Nowhere is this reasoning more intensely felt when we stop our everyday scheming and dreaming to ask some pertinent questions: What is my mind? How does it work? How does it exist? Why does it seem unable to focus when I need it to? Who is the “I” that is observing the mind?  Our mind is more powerful, and with a much deeper memory than any visionary device from the labs at Apple or Google.  It is considered the “sixth sense”, intimately linked to how the rest of our senses interact and respond, for better or for worse, to the physical reality that surrounds us.

As our students at NYU also experience, when we meditate together, we are instantly confronted with the fact that the mind prefers to be in an adversarial position. Even to just focus simply our breath for a few moments at a time in a tremendous endeavor.

Arjuna, in the Gita, agrees when he says:

The mind is restless, turbulent, obstinate and very strong, O Krsna, and to subdue it, I think, is more difficult than controlling the wind.

Krishna, while trying to present the true reality of our bodily and mental nature as clearly as possible in the Gita, is also trying to show us that we can transcend this nature into the actuality of our being as spirit, so he responds to Arjuna's plea by saying:

O mighty-armed son of Kuntī, it is undoubtedly very difficult to curb the restless mind, but it is possible by suitable practice and by detachment.

The wisdom texts of the Bhakti tradition have a specific and compassionate design to help us access this suitable practice and detachment, in the form of a specific style of meditation using mantra.  Many of us are familiar with this word, but not as much as with its actual meaning.  Contemporary Bhakti scholar Stephen Knapp explains:

Man means the mind, tra means deliverance. Therefore, a spiritual mantra is the pure sound vibration for delivering the mind from material to spiritual consciousness. This is the goal of any spiritual path. 

The Bhakti tradition of the Gita recommends the chanting of the Hare Krishna mantra (Hare Krishna/Hare Krishna/Krishna Krishna/Hare Hare/Hare Rama/Hare Rama/Rama Rama/Hare Hare), which is known as the maha-mantra (“great chant for deliverance”).  This mantra consists of three names of the Divine: Hare (the feminine aspect of the Divine), Krishna (the all-attractive aspect of the Divine), and Rama (the pleasure reservoir of the Divine).

Just by resounding the vibrations of these names within one's body, mind, and heart, one comes into contact with the Divine, with God, who is not different from His/Her holy names. Chanting mantras engages so many of our faculties, from our hands delicately handling our prayer beads to our voices soaring in the musical chanting of these mantras, also known as kirtan. 

This is something I do every day (quite early in the day, befitting my monk lifestyle) in a consistent timeframe and manner, which gives me fuel to swim the upstream tide of spiritual life in the material world.  Paul McCartney said that meditation to him was akin to brushing one's teeth, in that he couldn't imagine going without it.  I certainly agree with that but I know as well the intention behind meditation must go deeper.


The chanting of mantras allows us, as we learn to focus, control, and harness the power of our mind for spiritual good, to gain access to these deeper benefits of meditation.  By chanting the Hare Krishna mantra, for example, we gain access to the heart of the reality of our being, as spirit soul seeking to return to our eternal loving relationship with God. 
 
Truly, meditation is meant to bring us to this reality, and while we can certainly enjoy and prosper from the stress relief and mental growth we get from our practice, we should always be striving for the divine love that is within us, which allows us to fully connect to God and to all life around us.

Chris Fici is a writer/teacher/monk in the bhakti-yoga tradition. He has been practicing at the Bhaktivedanta Ashram at the Bhakti Center in New York City since 2009.  After receiving a degree in film studies at the University of Michigan, Chris began his exploration and study of the bhakti tradition. He currently teaches classes on the culture and art of vegetarian cooking, as well as the living philosophy of the Bhagavad-Gita, at New York University and Columbia University. 




Reflections on Gaura Purnima…from a Fallen Neophyte
→ A Convenient Truth


Here I sit on Gaura Purnima, one of the most important and auspicious days in Gaudiya-Vaishnavism, not celebrating, remembering or honoring the day, but working a mundane job, dealing with mundane affairs and thinking mundane thoughts.

What a stark contrast to this very same day back in 1997 when I was in Sri Vrindavan Dhama assisting with the decoration of Sri Sri Gaura-Nitai’s altar, as well as being able to participate in and bathe the Deities during the abhiseka. I look back at that time with fondness and gratitude. Nothing else in my devotional life has ever compared with that day. It was the highlight of my devotional life; a moment in time that may never be surpassed in this lifetime.

So what happened? Why am I now doing nothing for Gaura Purnima? Why am I not chanting? Why am I not fasting? Why am I not reading Sri Caitanya-caritamrta? Why am I not engaging in discussions about Sri Caitanya Mahaprabhu? Why does it seem just like any other day?

The most I did today was to listen to a lecture on the way to work. It was a lecture given by Srila Gour Govinda Maharaja. The topic was “Sri Caitanya Mahaprabhu is the Most Munificent Incarnation” or something like that. I was listening attentively for the about the first 30-minutes or so, but then something happened: I became disinterested and my mind started to wander and drift away to various non-devotional thoughts. What caused this inability to remain focused on Krishna-katha?

The dogmatic answer that came to mind was, “Maybe I’m just too offensive and therefore I cannot hear/experience/understand all of this tattva.” Granted, it’s not too far from the truth that I am full of offenses. Are my offenses really the cause of my lack of enthusiasm, my lack of interest, my lack of faith? The sastras, sadhus and gurus would tell me so.

It’s not that I don’t understand what’s being said. It’s more that it just feels like empty jargon, empty stories. These pastimes (lilas) and tattvas (truths) are supposed to be full of “nectar” and yet when I hear them I just think, “Yes, I’ve heard these things hundreds of times, but how are they relevant to me?” Maybe the problem is that I’m not truly understanding, for if I truly understood what was being said/transmitted, wouldn’t I be tasting this elusive “nectar”?

In kali-yuga we are full of so many deficiencies. I am lazy, misguided, unfortunate and addicted to sense gratification. In this condition how will I ever understand or appreciate the process of bhakti-yoga? Isn’t the whole purpose for Sri Caitanya Mahaprabhu’s appearance to give mercy to us wretches? Why is this mercy passing me by? Why am I “floating on the ocean of Love of God” (as sung by Locana Dasa Thakur) and not drowning in it? Again, is it because of offenses? But then why are offenses counted against me in kali-yuga? Doesn’t Sri Nityananda Prabhu overlook one’s faults and offenses? Didn’t He even ignore an offense as great as a physical assault?

Obviously the Lord forgives all of our shortcomings and faults. The only offenses He does not forgive are the offenses made to other Vaishnavas (Vaishnava-aparadha). Which Vaishnavas have I offended? Does it include knowingly and unknowingly? Does it include being associated with people who are offensive to Vaishnavas? What are the rules and guidelines here?

If all of these offenses were to be eradicated, would a downpour of Krishna-prema come flowing down into my heart? When I first began my devotional “career” in this lifetime and was innocent and devoid of Vaishnava-aparadha, how come I didn’t easily attain Krishna-prema? If the Holy Name gives us prema, why did I never attain it over those first few, serious, devoted years as a brahmacari? Of course the answer is: my chanting was offensive. *sigh* It’s a vicious circle in which all of the unattained promises in devotional service can be attributed to my offensive nature.

The conclusion is that I’m too offensive to attain Krishna-prema, but the question is why are my offenses being held against me in kali-yuga? Sri Caitanya Mahaprabhu and Sri Nityananda Prabhu appeared to deliver all the miscreants and unfortunate souls, like myself. Why then are there are so many restrictions, rules, conditions and exemptions in an age where no one can follow them?

This raises an interesting theological question about grace vs. works. Is it by our effort and actions that we can attain the lofty ideals of Krishna Consciousness? Or is it strictly only through the mercy of Sri Guru and the Supreme Personality of Godhead that we can attain such goals? I’ve always heard it said that it’s a combination of both, but in kali-yuga it would seem that unconditional mercy should be the only possibility of progress.

Chanting our quota of rounds doesn’t make us realized. Dressing in Vaishnava garb doesn’t make us realized. Knowing a thousand verses doesn’t make us realized. Knowing Sanskrit doesn’t make us realized. Repeating what we’ve heard doesn’t make us realized. Traveling to or living in the holy dhamas doesn’t make us realized. Associating with pure devotees/paramahamsas doesn’t make us realized. We can do all of these things externally, but not be realized internally. We can quote sastra and know verses, but it doesn’t mean we are transcendentally realized and in direct relationship with Krishna in our siddha-deha.

So what makes us realized? What is it that happens that gives us direct access to the spiritual world, to that higher consciousness, and to a direct relationship with Krishna? What takes us beyond theoretical knowledge to realized experience? It has to be mercy, plain and simple. There is no amount of effort I can make that will allow me to kick in the doors of Goloka Vrindavan and demand an audience with Krishna and His eternal associates.

Of course this may all sound like the ramblings of a fallen devotee who doesn’t want to follow the rules and regulations or any form of sadhana and yet wants to experience bhava. I’m not trying to make a case like that. I’m not saying we should all just do whatever nonsense we want and simply depend on the Lord’s mercy to one day lift us up to the spiritual world. But I’m saying just because we externally follow all of the rules and regulations and wear devotional clothing and quote slokas it doesn’t make us advanced in realization. There has to be some higher intervention to bring us to the level of genuine experience and realization, where we’re not just hearing and reading, but actually living in the transcendental realm. We have to search out where to get that mercy from, where to beg and cry for it.

With the advent of Sri Caitanya Mahaprabhu and His divine associates this tremendous, causeless mercy is available. We just have to focus our consciousness and energy towards it in order to receive it. The problem is that we don’t have a desire for it. Somehow, someway we have to appreciate and understand Sri Caitanya Mahaprabhu’s identity and mission. We have to make an attempt. We can’t sit idly watching TV and eating corn chips thinking that one day everything will just work itself out, being unconcerned about what will happen after our death. We have to express interest in and give attention to the process, just as we express interest in and give attention to sense gratification.

As the old saying goes, “The ball is in our court”. The mercy and blessings are available to everyone, every living entity, on this planet due to Sri Caitanya Mahaprabhu’s divine appearance. The question is, “Can we pull our heads out of the ass of sense gratification long enough to even care?”

Reflections on Gaura Purnima…from a Fallen Neophyte
→ A Convenient Truth


Here I sit on Gaura Purnima, one of the most important and auspicious days in Gaudiya-Vaishnavism, not celebrating, remembering or honoring the day, but working a mundane job, dealing with mundane affairs and thinking mundane thoughts.

What a stark contrast to this very same day back in 1997 when I was in Sri Vrindavan Dhama assisting with the decoration of Sri Sri Gaura-Nitai’s altar, as well as being able to participate in and bathe the Deities during the abhiseka. I look back at that time with fondness and gratitude. Nothing else in my devotional life has ever compared with that day. It was the highlight of my devotional life; a moment in time that may never be surpassed in this lifetime.

So what happened? Why am I now doing nothing for Gaura Purnima? Why am I not chanting? Why am I not fasting? Why am I not reading Sri Caitanya-caritamrta? Why am I not engaging in discussions about Sri Caitanya Mahaprabhu? Why does it seem just like any other day?

The most I did today was to listen to a lecture on the way to work. It was a lecture given by Srila Gour Govinda Maharaja. The topic was “Sri Caitanya Mahaprabhu is the Most Munificent Incarnation” or something like that. I was listening attentively for the about the first 30-minutes or so, but then something happened: I became disinterested and my mind started to wander and drift away to various non-devotional thoughts. What caused this inability to remain focused on Krishna-katha?

The dogmatic answer that came to mind was, “Maybe I’m just too offensive and therefore I cannot hear/experience/understand all of this tattva.” Granted, it’s not too far from the truth that I am full of offenses. Are my offenses really the cause of my lack of enthusiasm, my lack of interest, my lack of faith? The sastras, sadhus and gurus would tell me so.

It’s not that I don’t understand what’s being said. It’s more that it just feels like empty jargon, empty stories. These pastimes (lilas) and tattvas (truths) are supposed to be full of “nectar” and yet when I hear them I just think, “Yes, I’ve heard these things hundreds of times, but how are they relevant to me?” Maybe the problem is that I’m not truly understanding, for if I truly understood what was being said/transmitted, wouldn’t I be tasting this elusive “nectar”?

In kali-yuga we are full of so many deficiencies. I am lazy, misguided, unfortunate and addicted to sense gratification. In this condition how will I ever understand or appreciate the process of bhakti-yoga? Isn’t the whole purpose for Sri Caitanya Mahaprabhu’s appearance to give mercy to us wretches? Why is this mercy passing me by? Why am I “floating on the ocean of Love of God” (as sung by Locana Dasa Thakur) and not drowning in it? Again, is it because of offenses? But then why are offenses counted against me in kali-yuga? Doesn’t Sri Nityananda Prabhu overlook one’s faults and offenses? Didn’t He even ignore an offense as great as a physical assault?

Obviously the Lord forgives all of our shortcomings and faults. The only offenses He does not forgive are the offenses made to other Vaishnavas (Vaishnava-aparadha). Which Vaishnavas have I offended? Does it include knowingly and unknowingly? Does it include being associated with people who are offensive to Vaishnavas? What are the rules and guidelines here?

If all of these offenses were to be eradicated, would a downpour of Krishna-prema come flowing down into my heart? When I first began my devotional “career” in this lifetime and was innocent and devoid of Vaishnava-aparadha, how come I didn’t easily attain Krishna-prema? If the Holy Name gives us prema, why did I never attain it over those first few, serious, devoted years as a brahmacari? Of course the answer is: my chanting was offensive. *sigh* It’s a vicious circle in which all of the unattained promises in devotional service can be attributed to my offensive nature.

The conclusion is that I’m too offensive to attain Krishna-prema, but the question is why are my offenses being held against me in kali-yuga? Sri Caitanya Mahaprabhu and Sri Nityananda Prabhu appeared to deliver all the miscreants and unfortunate souls, like myself. Why then are there are so many restrictions, rules, conditions and exemptions in an age where no one can follow them?

This raises an interesting theological question about grace vs. works. Is it by our effort and actions that we can attain the lofty ideals of Krishna Consciousness? Or is it strictly only through the mercy of Sri Guru and the Supreme Personality of Godhead that we can attain such goals? I’ve always heard it said that it’s a combination of both, but in kali-yuga it would seem that unconditional mercy should be the only possibility of progress.

Chanting our quota of rounds doesn’t make us realized. Dressing in Vaishnava garb doesn’t make us realized. Knowing a thousand verses doesn’t make us realized. Knowing Sanskrit doesn’t make us realized. Repeating what we’ve heard doesn’t make us realized. Traveling to or living in the holy dhamas doesn’t make us realized. Associating with pure devotees/paramahamsas doesn’t make us realized. We can do all of these things externally, but not be realized internally. We can quote sastra and know verses, but it doesn’t mean we are transcendentally realized and in direct relationship with Krishna in our siddha-deha.

So what makes us realized? What is it that happens that gives us direct access to the spiritual world, to that higher consciousness, and to a direct relationship with Krishna? What takes us beyond theoretical knowledge to realized experience? It has to be mercy, plain and simple. There is no amount of effort I can make that will allow me to kick in the doors of Goloka Vrindavan and demand an audience with Krishna and His eternal associates.

Of course this may all sound like the ramblings of a fallen devotee who doesn’t want to follow the rules and regulations or any form of sadhana and yet wants to experience bhava. I’m not trying to make a case like that. I’m not saying we should all just do whatever nonsense we want and simply depend on the Lord’s mercy to one day lift us up to the spiritual world. But I’m saying just because we externally follow all of the rules and regulations and wear devotional clothing and quote slokas it doesn’t make us advanced in realization. There has to be some higher intervention to bring us to the level of genuine experience and realization, where we’re not just hearing and reading, but actually living in the transcendental realm. We have to search out where to get that mercy from, where to beg and cry for it.

With the advent of Sri Caitanya Mahaprabhu and His divine associates this tremendous, causeless mercy is available. We just have to focus our consciousness and energy towards it in order to receive it. The problem is that we don’t have a desire for it. Somehow, someway we have to appreciate and understand Sri Caitanya Mahaprabhu’s identity and mission. We have to make an attempt. We can’t sit idly watching TV and eating corn chips thinking that one day everything will just work itself out, being unconcerned about what will happen after our death. We have to express interest in and give attention to the process, just as we express interest in and give attention to sense gratification.

As the old saying goes, “The ball is in our court”. The mercy and blessings are available to everyone, every living entity, on this planet due to Sri Caitanya Mahaprabhu’s divine appearance. The question is, “Can we pull our heads out of the ass of sense gratification long enough to even care?”

Be Sure, Be Specific
→ the world i know

Imagine, (or just look around and observe) a person in the process of buying a house, a car, a computer; their main concern is the lifetime of said product: how long will it last, how much happiness will I derive from it, what are the specs? Home buyers do termite checks, fire proof test, plumbing, lead poisoning check. Computer lovers look for their requirements, Car buyers look for something as well. People want to invest in something genuine based on information they receive from the authority. Authority gives assurance and faith that the product will fulfill one's desire, and therefore one puts his faith in such authority and purchases the product. The more specific information is, the more one is at ease, or to put it another way, the more one's mind is freed from having to fill in blank spaces.




Now imagine a situation where you went to purchase something say, a car, and the dealer goes into a "don't know, not sure, selling as is, you can't take this car off the lot to test it, maybe, perhaps" rant. A smart buyer would look for something else. ( I should especially know this because I once bought an "as is" car, and after 20 hours, in New Mexico, the car, at a rest stop, rested "as was"). I just wanted something to get me on the road, and being passionate about it, the intelligence didn't kick in.

The Bhagavad gita tells that in this world there is nothing more wonderful as transcendental knowledge which is the fruit of all mysticism, and one who has such knowledge relishes that fruit in due course of time. For both materialists and spiritualists, transcendental knowledge is beneficial. For someone attracted to what the material atmosphere has to offer, Vedic literature like Bhagavad Gita As it is gives detailed information on how a person can live peacefully under certain conditions. This knowledge, when applied properly, will certainly give desired results. For the spiritualist, different stages and processes of self realization is offered, so that at every step in spiritual cultivation, one can also peacefully follow, and see tangible results.

Mental speculation leads to a little more mental speculation, which leads to a little more, and so forth. In such an atmosphere it is very hard to derive deep satisfaction. The mind always wants something more; maybe I should have married her instead, maybe I should have bought that instead, I'm not sure if it'll work, but try it, in theory, this is like this. While watching the news at my brothers house a few weeks ago, the news reporter when asked about a murder trial going on, and what would be the out come responded: " i don't know, but what I can say is maybe...". In this way, I realized, people are always kept on edge. Specificity does not go well in a consumer culture. If things were specific, people would take it and be satisfied. This is not a culture where satisfaction is "guaranteed, or your money back"; and in most cases, when satisfaction is not achieved, you don't get your money back because you threw the product across the room or something. Version 4 of one product comes out and in 6 months, here comes version 5; now watch as consumers abandon their previous versions and rush to various marts, at risks of stampeding over and killing employees of said marts, to fulfill a hole created by the mind- " YOU REALLY NEEEEEDDD THIS! "

So how does one spread a culture of satisfaction in an atmosphere of dissatisfaction? Do you just jump out of the race and move to pleasantville? Do you riot and destroy everything those bad bad people tricked you into? Do you Occupy Earth Street? What to do?
Well, may I suggest looking at where most of the issue started- the mind. take what you have, and from that platform be satisfied. Hear from authorities how to move forward and fulfill your desires. The thing vedic authorities do recommend is giving up the process of mental speculation. Such authorities facilitate not just a good use of your mind and intelligence, but under proper guidance one will blossom as a true individual spirit soul. Ask questions, put the answers into practice, experience the result. Whether your desires are spiritual, material, or you're just the neutral guy in the crowd, the highest authority has given such guides and instructions so that each person can walk away satisfied and assured. Perhaps* we can call it your " one stop specific know it all shop."
I am convinced that this is the heart of the matter- a need to be secure, sure, safe (that over used word), and to fulfill such needs, we have to match it with secure, sure and safe products.
Good morning :)

Be Sure, Be Specific
→ the world i know

Imagine, (or just look around and observe) a person in the process of buying a house, a car, a computer; their main concern is the lifetime of said product: how long will it last, how much happiness will I derive from it, what are the specs? Home buyers do termite checks, fire proof test, plumbing, lead poisoning check. Computer lovers look for their requirements, Car buyers look for something as well. People want to invest in something genuine based on information they receive from the authority. Authority gives assurance and faith that the product will fulfill one's desire, and therefore one puts his faith in such authority and purchases the product. The more specific information is, the more one is at ease, or to put it another way, the more one's mind is freed from having to fill in blank spaces.




Now imagine a situation where you went to purchase something say, a car, and the dealer goes into a "don't know, not sure, selling as is, you can't take this car off the lot to test it, maybe, perhaps" rant. A smart buyer would look for something else. ( I should especially know this because I once bought an "as is" car, and after 20 hours, in New Mexico, the car, at a rest stop, rested "as was"). I just wanted something to get me on the road, and being passionate about it, the intelligence didn't kick in.

The Bhagavad gita tells that in this world there is nothing more wonderful as transcendental knowledge which is the fruit of all mysticism, and one who has such knowledge relishes that fruit in due course of time. For both materialists and spiritualists, transcendental knowledge is beneficial. For someone attracted to what the material atmosphere has to offer, Vedic literature like Bhagavad Gita As it is gives detailed information on how a person can live peacefully under certain conditions. This knowledge, when applied properly, will certainly give desired results. For the spiritualist, different stages and processes of self realization is offered, so that at every step in spiritual cultivation, one can also peacefully follow, and see tangible results.

Mental speculation leads to a little more mental speculation, which leads to a little more, and so forth. In such an atmosphere it is very hard to derive deep satisfaction. The mind always wants something more; maybe I should have married her instead, maybe I should have bought that instead, I'm not sure if it'll work, but try it, in theory, this is like this. While watching the news at my brothers house a few weeks ago, the news reporter when asked about a murder trial going on, and what would be the out come responded: " i don't know, but what I can say is maybe...". In this way, I realized, people are always kept on edge. Specificity does not go well in a consumer culture. If things were specific, people would take it and be satisfied. This is not a culture where satisfaction is "guaranteed, or your money back"; and in most cases, when satisfaction is not achieved, you don't get your money back because you threw the product across the room or something. Version 4 of one product comes out and in 6 months, here comes version 5; now watch as consumers abandon their previous versions and rush to various marts, at risks of stampeding over and killing employees of said marts, to fulfill a hole created by the mind- " YOU REALLY NEEEEEDDD THIS! "

So how does one spread a culture of satisfaction in an atmosphere of dissatisfaction? Do you just jump out of the race and move to pleasantville? Do you riot and destroy everything those bad bad people tricked you into? Do you Occupy Earth Street? What to do?
Well, may I suggest looking at where most of the issue started- the mind. take what you have, and from that platform be satisfied. Hear from authorities how to move forward and fulfill your desires. The thing vedic authorities do recommend is giving up the process of mental speculation. Such authorities facilitate not just a good use of your mind and intelligence, but under proper guidance one will blossom as a true individual spirit soul. Ask questions, put the answers into practice, experience the result. Whether your desires are spiritual, material, or you're just the neutral guy in the crowd, the highest authority has given such guides and instructions so that each person can walk away satisfied and assured. Perhaps* we can call it your " one stop specific know it all shop."
I am convinced that this is the heart of the matter- a need to be secure, sure, safe (that over used word), and to fulfill such needs, we have to match it with secure, sure and safe products.
Good morning :)

Like a Blade of Grass
→ kirtaniyah sada hari


I keep getting opportunities to experience "feeling humble like a blade of grass" and 99.9% of the time I blow it! My false ego always gets in the way and the humbling experience is lost. In its place I experience frustration, hurt, outrage or numerous other emotions.

But today something happened. I encountered a situation where I just handled everything badly. You know one of those situations where everything you say just comes out wrong and your good intentions are just not conveyed? Yup...it was one of those. Normally in these situations, I naturally take my own side by thinking, "It's not my fault. I was misunderstood." As I was about to begin that journey in trying to make myself feel better and shift blame, I felt something change. It was like suddenly seeing another path I never noticed before and something inside said, "How about being like that blade of grass?"

The grass never complains. It just remains in its constitutional position of being a blade of grass. So I asked myself, "How about it? How about using this situation as an opportunity to experience your own constitutional position of being a small spiritual part and parcel." Instead of getting huffy and trying to protect my ego, why not just let it go. It's ok. I can instead learn from this experience. And that's just it- in order to learn, one needs to be humble. I'll never learn if I simply assign blame. And besides, where is that going to get me at this moment? Maybe some temporary satisfaction, but it's not going to help in the long run.

Certainly this being the eve of the most munificent appearance day of Lord Caitanya, I can only understand this to be his causeless mercy. I'm certainly not realized enough to act like this EVER! Just goes to show, mercy can appear in all sorts of shapes and form. Today it appeared in the form of a dose of humility. But the most amazing thing is that it was revealed and experienced due to Lord Caitanya.

All glories to Sri Sacinandana whose beautiful smile and magnanimity is unlimited! Wishing everyone a most auspicious and joyous Gaura Purnima filled with kirtan and lots of mercy!

Like a Blade of Grass
→ kirtaniyah sada hari


I keep getting opportunities to experience "feeling humble like a blade of grass" and 99.9% of the time I blow it! My false ego always gets in the way and the humbling experience is lost. In its place I experience frustration, hurt, outrage or numerous other emotions.

But today something happened. I encountered a situation where I just handled everything badly. You know one of those situations where everything you say just comes out wrong and your good intentions are just not conveyed? Yup...it was one of those. Normally in these situations, I naturally take my own side by thinking, "It's not my fault. I was misunderstood." As I was about to begin that journey in trying to make myself feel better and shift blame, I felt something change. It was like suddenly seeing another path I never noticed before and something inside said, "How about being like that blade of grass?"

The grass never complains. It just remains in its constitutional position of being a blade of grass. So I asked myself, "How about it? How about using this situation as an opportunity to experience your own constitutional position of being a small spiritual part and parcel." Instead of getting huffy and trying to protect my ego, why not just let it go. It's ok. I can instead learn from this experience. And that's just it- in order to learn, one needs to be humble. I'll never learn if I simply assign blame. And besides, where is that going to get me at this moment? Maybe some temporary satisfaction, but it's not going to help in the long run.

Certainly this being the eve of the most munificent appearance day of Lord Caitanya, I can only understand this to be his causeless mercy. I'm certainly not realized enough to act like this EVER! Just goes to show, mercy can appear in all sorts of shapes and form. Today it appeared in the form of a dose of humility. But the most amazing thing is that it was revealed and experienced due to Lord Caitanya.

All glories to Sri Sacinandana whose beautiful smile and magnanimity is unlimited! Wishing everyone a most auspicious and joyous Gaura Purnima filled with kirtan and lots of mercy!

Now and Later
→ kirtaniyah sada hari

Frustration. That's what I think of when it comes to my mind. Having lived with mine for several decades, it still gets the better of me. Over and over I have succumbed to its desires. What can only be described as the pitiful cries of my intelligence become continuously swallowed by the blaring horns of the mind which screams only two words- now and later.

Sad to say but those two words, in the hands of my mind, lead to my downfall almost every time. So surreptitiously does the mind know how and when to use them. "Oh come on. If you don't eat this now then you may never get a chance again." Ever hear that running through your head just before you reach for that extra slice of pizza or helping of shrikand? Your intelligence is fighting to get a word in edgewise but the savoury scents and cajoling of that voice in your head prompt you to ignore all caution. It's all about the now and besides, it's prasadam, right? And so you convince yourself until the next morning when you hit the snooze so many times that you barely have time to make it to the bus and that fantastic plan you had yesterday of completing at least half your rounds before work is shattered to pieces. It's back to chanting rounds in the evening after a long, exhausting day when all you really want to do is just sleep.

If the "now" ploy doesn't work, no worries for my mind since it has the "later" arsenal at its disposal. "It's the weekend, relax. You can chant your rounds later. You work so hard all week, it's ok." As I'm writing this, I'm shaking my head. How pathetic. I crumble at the mere words now and later. There's really not much else to it. This is the reason regulation in one's life is so important. I think back to the times when I was much more regulated and notice the one thing that was different- the placement of these words.

It was about "Chanting your rounds now and putting everything else off until later." Amazing isn't it, what a change in placement can do. Now and later, although powerful when put to selfish use, can actually help to put what is important in perspective.

This is what I LOVE about writing. Typing away a few thoughts can turn into illuminating realizations. Now and later which I earlier said were hinderances in the hands of my mind serve as a metaphor to remind me that everything is not black and white. It's not about simply eradicating something that seems negative but instead putting it in its proper place. That's the true art of bhakti.

Now and Later
→ kirtaniyah sada hari

Frustration. That's what I think of when it comes to my mind. Having lived with mine for several decades, it still gets the better of me. Over and over I have succumbed to its desires. What can only be described as the pitiful cries of my intelligence become continuously swallowed by the blaring horns of the mind which screams only two words- now and later.

Sad to say but those two words, in the hands of my mind, lead to my downfall almost every time. So surreptitiously does the mind know how and when to use them. "Oh come on. If you don't eat this now then you may never get a chance again." Ever hear that running through your head just before you reach for that extra slice of pizza or helping of shrikand? Your intelligence is fighting to get a word in edgewise but the savoury scents and cajoling of that voice in your head prompt you to ignore all caution. It's all about the now and besides, it's prasadam, right? And so you convince yourself until the next morning when you hit the snooze so many times that you barely have time to make it to the bus and that fantastic plan you had yesterday of completing at least half your rounds before work is shattered to pieces. It's back to chanting rounds in the evening after a long, exhausting day when all you really want to do is just sleep.

If the "now" ploy doesn't work, no worries for my mind since it has the "later" arsenal at its disposal. "It's the weekend, relax. You can chant your rounds later. You work so hard all week, it's ok." As I'm writing this, I'm shaking my head. How pathetic. I crumble at the mere words now and later. There's really not much else to it. This is the reason regulation in one's life is so important. I think back to the times when I was much more regulated and notice the one thing that was different- the placement of these words.

It was about "Chanting your rounds now and putting everything else off until later." Amazing isn't it, what a change in placement can do. Now and later, although powerful when put to selfish use, can actually help to put what is important in perspective.

This is what I LOVE about writing. Typing away a few thoughts can turn into illuminating realizations. Now and later which I earlier said were hinderances in the hands of my mind serve as a metaphor to remind me that everything is not black and white. It's not about simply eradicating something that seems negative but instead putting it in its proper place. That's the true art of bhakti.

The Regulative Principles of Freedom
→ Life Comes From Life



The Vedic spiritual tradition, as magnificently manifested in the Bhagavat Purana, the volume of stories, fables, and lessons from the life of Krishna, the Divine Personality of God, and His followers and friends, tells us of the exceptional position of human life.  In the apparatus of our human form, our body-mind-intelligence-soul framework, we have the opportunity to realize the deepest meaning and reality of our own individual self, and the meaning and reality of our relationship with God.

According to the Vedas, other life forms, the animals and plants we share this world with, do not have this same opportunity.  I have noticed that to exclude the birds and bees from a life of enlightenment is a matter of fierce debate, but the science of self-realization does not run merely on the engine of instinct. The eminent Vedic sage and scholar Swami Prabhupada writes in his translation of the Bhagavat Purana that:

Animals in bodies lower than that of the human being are conscious only as far as their bodily distress and happiness are concerned; they cannot think of more than their bodily necessities of life-eating, sleeping, mating and defending. But in the human form of life, by the grace of God, the consciousness is so developed that a man can evaluate his exceptional position and thus realize the self and the Supreme Lord.1

This is where we come to an even stickier point. To run beyond our feral instincts means to understand the power of our mind and senses, and to be able to actually harness the power of our mind and senses. It is a matter of control, of discipline.

Swami Prabhupada also writes in the Bhagavat Purana:

By controlling the senses, or by the process of yoga regulation, one can understand the position of his self, the Supersoul, the world and their interrelation; everything is possible by controlling the senses.2

Spiritual life becomes very meaningful when we understand the blessings that discipline can bring into our consciousness. In the Bhagavad-gītā, Krishna explains that the mind can be either our best friend, or our worst enemy. One doesn't have to be yearning for divinity to understand this in a very visceral and practical way. Krishna then goes on to describe certain “regulative principles of freedom”3 which allow us to be no longer held hostage by our uncontrolled minds and senses.

Followers of the bhakti tradition, from monks like myself to those who are married together, attempt to honor and hold four main regulative principles to enhance our spiritual experience. First, we are vegetarian (and vegan, if we so choose), avoiding all meat, eggs, and fish to uphold the sacred principle of ahimsa, or non-violence, which is essential to spiritual development. Second, we avoid intoxication, even caffeine and tobacco, in order to clarify and purify our vision and thought.

Third, we do not gamble or speculate, in order to avoid falling into the various illusory traps that greed may offer us. Lastly, we only practice sex in marriage, and mainly for the procreation of children, in order to defend the sacred nature of sexuality, and not allow it to be degraded into a matter of selfish lust, which can destroy any spiritual aspirations we may have.

All this talk of regulations and discipline can leave one a little hesitant, one foot in, one foot out. Discipline has fallen out of fashion in our post-post-modern world. Whereas in previous generations it was seen as a rite of passage, or even as a fashion and calling (look at the strictness and sacrifice of the American peoples supporting the war effort in World War II as an example), now it is seen as a perversion of our natural desires, of our very striving for freedom.

I hope you may be able to see from my explanation of the regulative principles that we follow in the bhakti tradition how the case is actually the opposite. Without some consideration of the power of our instincts, and a practice thereof to control and harness this power, what we may call “freedom” is actually a servitude to the negative forces of lust, envy, greed, and pride that are within us and all around us.

Discipline has to be understood beyond its surface impressions in order to see how it gives us spiritual freedom. It is a means to a tremendous end, allowing us and helping us to fully understand our loving relationship with the Divine, with God. As the father of monastic life in the West, St. Benedict describes in his Rule:

Therefore we must establish a school of the Lord's service; in founding which we hope to ordain nothing that is harsh and burdensome.

But if, for good reason, for the amendment of evil habit or the preservation of charity, there may be some strictness of discipline do not at once be dismayed and run away from the way of salvation, of which the entrance must needs be narrow.

But as we progress in our monastic life and in faith, our hearts shall be enlarged and we shall run with unspeakable sweetness of love in the way of God's commandments.

A firm yet healthy discipline of our body and mind helps to a deeper discipline of will and intention. To discipline our intention means to remove our selfishness. This also is not as black-and-white as it may seem on the surface, for we must also consider what it means to be selfish.

In other parts of the bhakti scriptures, it is described that the key regulative principle, over and above all
others, is to always do what is favorable for the development of one's devotion to God, and conversely always avoid that which is unfavorable. Selfishness is that which focuses the power of our will and intention solely on the pleasure and well-being of our own self, as if we are the center of the universe, rather on the pleasure and well-being of God and all of our living brothers and sisters in this world.

There is a certain risk to be walked through here, in that if we are striving to stifle our negative selfish tendencies, we may actually go too far in the opposite direction, and lose touch with the actual needs of our self, with the ambitions we hold which can still carry us running towards God if we know how to utilize them properly.

Swami Prabhupada further explains:

Real self-realization by means of controlling the senses is explained herein. One should try to see the Supreme Personality of Godhead and one's own self also.4

Our relationship with God is a two-way street. We are interested to know God fully, and He is interested to know us fully, and to help us offer the very best that we can to Him. It is our sacred duty to participate in this relationship, and it is a very healthy and mature attitude to always be exploring how we can best offer our talents and aspirations the very best of ourselves, to God, insuring we find the deepest fulfillment we can find as seekers and students of the Divine.

As I look forward into my own life, throwing off a certain sense of naivete and inertia, looking towards academic, social, and Interfaith opportunities to imbibe and expand Prabhupada's mission in New York City in whatever humble way I see fit, I carry a determination to know who I am, for better and for worse. We can't avoid, as we develop our sincere spiritual ambitions, the weeds in the garden of our heart which blur and corrupt these ambitions.

Our spiritual journey is meant to guide us into and beyond our lower nature, but not through evasion and aversion, but through a courageous and honest engagement with the loving support of our fellow community of seekers.

To come out the other side, into the best of our self that we can offer to God, we must allow the discipline we voluntarily impose on our body and mind to help also discipline our intention. What is that discipline of intention? To keep everything do wrapped in the spirit of service. As we develop the unique facets of our personal offering to God, we must keep this foundation strong in order to prevent us from wandering back into the deserts of our selfishness.

Discipline is, at its essence, an art of focus, of revelation of the best that we carry, not merely the denial of the worst we hide from ourselves and others. The principles we follow, spiritually and otherwise, to regulate our consciousness and its intention, give us a freedom that is not temporary and not relative, that is not material. It gives us the enlightenment which is our most natural instinct, and also the opportunity to give a humble yet powerful example to help others rise above.

1http://vedabase.com/en/sb/3/31/19

2http://vedabase.com/en/sb/3/31/19

3http://vedabase.com/en/bg/2/64

4http://vedabase.com/en/sb/3/31/19

The Regulative Principles of Freedom
→ Life Comes From Life



The Vedic spiritual tradition, as magnificently manifested in the Bhagavat Purana, the volume of stories, fables, and lessons from the life of Krishna, the Divine Personality of God, and His followers and friends, tells us of the exceptional position of human life.  In the apparatus of our human form, our body-mind-intelligence-soul framework, we have the opportunity to realize the deepest meaning and reality of our own individual self, and the meaning and reality of our relationship with God.

According to the Vedas, other life forms, the animals and plants we share this world with, do not have this same opportunity.  I have noticed that to exclude the birds and bees from a life of enlightenment is a matter of fierce debate, but the science of self-realization does not run merely on the engine of instinct. The eminent Vedic sage and scholar Swami Prabhupada writes in his translation of the Bhagavat Purana that:

Animals in bodies lower than that of the human being are conscious only as far as their bodily distress and happiness are concerned; they cannot think of more than their bodily necessities of life-eating, sleeping, mating and defending. But in the human form of life, by the grace of God, the consciousness is so developed that a man can evaluate his exceptional position and thus realize the self and the Supreme Lord.1

This is where we come to an even stickier point. To run beyond our feral instincts means to understand the power of our mind and senses, and to be able to actually harness the power of our mind and senses. It is a matter of control, of discipline.

Swami Prabhupada also writes in the Bhagavat Purana:

By controlling the senses, or by the process of yoga regulation, one can understand the position of his self, the Supersoul, the world and their interrelation; everything is possible by controlling the senses.2

Spiritual life becomes very meaningful when we understand the blessings that discipline can bring into our consciousness. In the Bhagavad-gītā, Krishna explains that the mind can be either our best friend, or our worst enemy. One doesn't have to be yearning for divinity to understand this in a very visceral and practical way. Krishna then goes on to describe certain “regulative principles of freedom”3 which allow us to be no longer held hostage by our uncontrolled minds and senses.

Followers of the bhakti tradition, from monks like myself to those who are married together, attempt to honor and hold four main regulative principles to enhance our spiritual experience. First, we are vegetarian (and vegan, if we so choose), avoiding all meat, eggs, and fish to uphold the sacred principle of ahimsa, or non-violence, which is essential to spiritual development. Second, we avoid intoxication, even caffeine and tobacco, in order to clarify and purify our vision and thought.

Third, we do not gamble or speculate, in order to avoid falling into the various illusory traps that greed may offer us. Lastly, we only practice sex in marriage, and mainly for the procreation of children, in order to defend the sacred nature of sexuality, and not allow it to be degraded into a matter of selfish lust, which can destroy any spiritual aspirations we may have.

All this talk of regulations and discipline can leave one a little hesitant, one foot in, one foot out. Discipline has fallen out of fashion in our post-post-modern world. Whereas in previous generations it was seen as a rite of passage, or even as a fashion and calling (look at the strictness and sacrifice of the American peoples supporting the war effort in World War II as an example), now it is seen as a perversion of our natural desires, of our very striving for freedom.

I hope you may be able to see from my explanation of the regulative principles that we follow in the bhakti tradition how the case is actually the opposite. Without some consideration of the power of our instincts, and a practice thereof to control and harness this power, what we may call “freedom” is actually a servitude to the negative forces of lust, envy, greed, and pride that are within us and all around us.

Discipline has to be understood beyond its surface impressions in order to see how it gives us spiritual freedom. It is a means to a tremendous end, allowing us and helping us to fully understand our loving relationship with the Divine, with God. As the father of monastic life in the West, St. Benedict describes in his Rule:

Therefore we must establish a school of the Lord's service; in founding which we hope to ordain nothing that is harsh and burdensome.

But if, for good reason, for the amendment of evil habit or the preservation of charity, there may be some strictness of discipline do not at once be dismayed and run away from the way of salvation, of which the entrance must needs be narrow.

But as we progress in our monastic life and in faith, our hearts shall be enlarged and we shall run with unspeakable sweetness of love in the way of God's commandments.

A firm yet healthy discipline of our body and mind helps to a deeper discipline of will and intention. To discipline our intention means to remove our selfishness. This also is not as black-and-white as it may seem on the surface, for we must also consider what it means to be selfish.

In other parts of the bhakti scriptures, it is described that the key regulative principle, over and above all
others, is to always do what is favorable for the development of one's devotion to God, and conversely always avoid that which is unfavorable. Selfishness is that which focuses the power of our will and intention solely on the pleasure and well-being of our own self, as if we are the center of the universe, rather on the pleasure and well-being of God and all of our living brothers and sisters in this world.

There is a certain risk to be walked through here, in that if we are striving to stifle our negative selfish tendencies, we may actually go too far in the opposite direction, and lose touch with the actual needs of our self, with the ambitions we hold which can still carry us running towards God if we know how to utilize them properly.

Swami Prabhupada further explains:

Real self-realization by means of controlling the senses is explained herein. One should try to see the Supreme Personality of Godhead and one's own self also.4

Our relationship with God is a two-way street. We are interested to know God fully, and He is interested to know us fully, and to help us offer the very best that we can to Him. It is our sacred duty to participate in this relationship, and it is a very healthy and mature attitude to always be exploring how we can best offer our talents and aspirations the very best of ourselves, to God, insuring we find the deepest fulfillment we can find as seekers and students of the Divine.

As I look forward into my own life, throwing off a certain sense of naivete and inertia, looking towards academic, social, and Interfaith opportunities to imbibe and expand Prabhupada's mission in New York City in whatever humble way I see fit, I carry a determination to know who I am, for better and for worse. We can't avoid, as we develop our sincere spiritual ambitions, the weeds in the garden of our heart which blur and corrupt these ambitions.

Our spiritual journey is meant to guide us into and beyond our lower nature, but not through evasion and aversion, but through a courageous and honest engagement with the loving support of our fellow community of seekers.

To come out the other side, into the best of our self that we can offer to God, we must allow the discipline we voluntarily impose on our body and mind to help also discipline our intention. What is that discipline of intention? To keep everything do wrapped in the spirit of service. As we develop the unique facets of our personal offering to God, we must keep this foundation strong in order to prevent us from wandering back into the deserts of our selfishness.

Discipline is, at its essence, an art of focus, of revelation of the best that we carry, not merely the denial of the worst we hide from ourselves and others. The principles we follow, spiritually and otherwise, to regulate our consciousness and its intention, give us a freedom that is not temporary and not relative, that is not material. It gives us the enlightenment which is our most natural instinct, and also the opportunity to give a humble yet powerful example to help others rise above.

1http://vedabase.com/en/sb/3/31/19

2http://vedabase.com/en/sb/3/31/19

3http://vedabase.com/en/bg/2/64

4http://vedabase.com/en/sb/3/31/19

Enthusiasm + Organization + Open Hearts = Pure Bliss
→ Gaura-Shakti Kirtan Yoga

Our recently held Evening of Bhakti event was a smash success! We are immensely grateful to the attendees and everyone who helped us publicize and organize the event, notably Tara, from our Gaura Shakti family, and Maie, our dear friend from the Toronto Kirtan Community.

Hare Krishna Kirtan is meant to be given freely, that is the original model of the founder of the Hare Krishna Kirtans, Sri Krishna Chaitanya Himself, variously referred to as Gaura, Gaura Hari, Gauranga, or Mahaprabhu. In that spirit of generosity, being part of the Gaudiya Vaishnava tradition, we were always like "money is not the purpose", but we were not quite sure as to how we could make the event sustainable and still accessible to everyone who is interested. We played with many different models but it just quite didn't work. Keshava came up with the simplest solution ever - totally donation-based, give-what-you-can. That way, if someone had a little bit more, they would easily cover up for those who had a little bit less... it was the perfect give-and-take, no one felt any pressure, and no one had to stay back just for a few dollars. And did it work! dozens of Kirtan fans showed up with open hearts.

And then came the publicity - all of it was word-of-mouth of course, with Facebook, our blogs, and enthusiasts passing on the word. As testimony to the power of word-of-mouth, our attendees came from as far as Brantford! Of course, we had a $0 budget for publicity, which turned out to be just about enough, after all, we didn't want the event to be so big that it got impersonal! Turns out there is no substitute for enthusiasm, which, literally springs from the root words "en theos", which means "God inside"!

Food is not just food. It is much much more. The consciousness of the cook enters into the food. So an angry cook makes many unwitting angry souls post-meal. But a happy cook, sattvic ingredients, and proper consciousness make for happy souls after. A dedicated team of volunteers, including Shashi, Rishi, Radha, Tara, and other wonderful friends, helped prepare a grand feast, it was quite delicious, prepared with the highest standards of cleanliness, both external and internal. Then once prepared, the feast was lovingly offered to Krishna, the source of all benedictions, who obviously must have accepted all the loving devotion that went into preparing the feast.

And our participants began to trickle in, in ones, twos, and groups. They all brought beautiful bright smiles, open hearts, and enthusiastic spirits of welcome and friendship and an eagerness to experience the Holy Names of Krishna... Once they settled in and got in the flow, there was no looking back.

A Kirtan can be either spiritually transformative, or just another entertainment experience, it all depends on the consciousness of the persons presenting the kirtan and the persons participating. Dhira Grahi, our lead singer, director, most talented, humble, ever-jolly, and always in pursuit of perfection and harmony, had come up with a great line-up of chants that evoke the same moods and feelings of loving devotion that they did when Lord Chaitanya Himself led the Kirtans. The perfect blend of internal purity, musical talent, and enthusiastic participation from the larger group made the Kirtan an exquisite unique experience.

Then came the fabulous feast, followed by talks with friends, old and new, many questions were asked and answered, and many took home books on the deeper philosophy of Kirtan Yoga, Bhakti Yoga, the Yoga of Loving Devotion written by His Divine Grace A. C. Bhaktivedanta Swami Prabhupada, a dynamic spiritual master in direct disciplic succession from Krishna Himself, who brought to us the core of the essence of everything key to spiritual success.

In the end, it was pure bliss. We can't wait to host the next one! Who knows what adventures the Holy Names of Krishna have in store for us next time! If you missed out this time, don't miss the next one!

Enthusiasm + Organization + Open Hearts = Pure Bliss
→ Gaura-Shakti Kirtan Yoga

Our recently held Evening of Bhakti event was a smash success! We are immensely grateful to the attendees and everyone who helped us publicize and organize the event, notably Tara, from our Gaura Shakti family, and Maie, our dear friend from the Toronto Kirtan Community.

Hare Krishna Kirtan is meant to be given freely, that is the original model of the founder of the Hare Krishna Kirtans, Sri Krishna Chaitanya Himself, variously referred to as Gaura, Gaura Hari, Gauranga, or Mahaprabhu. In that spirit of generosity, being part of the Gaudiya Vaishnava tradition, we were always like "money is not the purpose", but we were not quite sure as to how we could make the event sustainable and still accessible to everyone who is interested. We played with many different models but it just quite didn't work. Keshava came up with the simplest solution ever - totally donation-based, give-what-you-can. That way, if someone had a little bit more, they would easily cover up for those who had a little bit less... it was the perfect give-and-take, no one felt any pressure, and no one had to stay back just for a few dollars. And did it work! dozens of Kirtan fans showed up with open hearts.

And then came the publicity - all of it was word-of-mouth of course, with Facebook, our blogs, and enthusiasts passing on the word. As testimony to the power of word-of-mouth, our attendees came from as far as Brantford! Of course, we had a $0 budget for publicity, which turned out to be just about enough, after all, we didn't want the event to be so big that it got impersonal! Turns out there is no substitute for enthusiasm, which, literally springs from the root words "en theos", which means "God inside"!

Food is not just food. It is much much more. The consciousness of the cook enters into the food. So an angry cook makes many unwitting angry souls post-meal. But a happy cook, sattvic ingredients, and proper consciousness make for happy souls after. A dedicated team of volunteers, including Shashi, Rishi, Radha, Tara, and other wonderful friends, helped prepare a grand feast, it was quite delicious, prepared with the highest standards of cleanliness, both external and internal. Then once prepared, the feast was lovingly offered to Krishna, the source of all benedictions, who obviously must have accepted all the loving devotion that went into preparing the feast.

And our participants began to trickle in, in ones, twos, and groups. They all brought beautiful bright smiles, open hearts, and enthusiastic spirits of welcome and friendship and an eagerness to experience the Holy Names of Krishna... Once they settled in and got in the flow, there was no looking back.

A Kirtan can be either spiritually transformative, or just another entertainment experience, it all depends on the consciousness of the persons presenting the kirtan and the persons participating. Dhira Grahi, our lead singer, director, most talented, humble, ever-jolly, and always in pursuit of perfection and harmony, had come up with a great line-up of chants that evoke the same moods and feelings of loving devotion that they did when Lord Chaitanya Himself led the Kirtans. The perfect blend of internal purity, musical talent, and enthusiastic participation from the larger group made the Kirtan an exquisite unique experience.

Then came the fabulous feast, followed by talks with friends, old and new, many questions were asked and answered, and many took home books on the deeper philosophy of Kirtan Yoga, Bhakti Yoga, the Yoga of Loving Devotion written by His Divine Grace A. C. Bhaktivedanta Swami Prabhupada, a dynamic spiritual master in direct disciplic succession from Krishna Himself, who brought to us the core of the essence of everything key to spiritual success.

In the end, it was pure bliss. We can't wait to host the next one! Who knows what adventures the Holy Names of Krishna have in store for us next time! If you missed out this time, don't miss the next one!

The Prison of Religion And the Freedom in Vedic Culture, By Stephen Knapp (Sri Nandanandana dasa)
→ Stephen Knapp

        The reason why I call it “The Prison of Religion“ is that religion, when used improperly or without the real essence of spiritual truth, can also be a way of confining and restricting people of their understanding of the universe and themselves, and higher spirituality through the use of fear, guilt, violence, and the oppression of anything that shows a different view than what is being indoctrinated into society through a particular religion. It has been the most militant of religions that has suppressed the ancient avenues of reaching higher levels of understanding our multidimensional nature. Thus, by mere blind faith in whatever the church or priests are giving us, or allowing us to know, we are kept in a lower consciousness than what is really possible. In this way, higher realms of thought, wisdom, love, and knowledge are kept away from the masses. After all, knowledge is power, which means your ignorance is my strength. To keep power over others, the church and other religious institutions have systematically abolished a wide range of spiritual and esoteric knowledge that would, otherwise, give mankind the ultimate freedom. And because people who understand their true spiritual nature and the power that lies within them become impossible to manipulate, it is necessary to keep this knowledge hidden. So the idea would be to keep the truly spiritual knowledge concealed while creating and perpetuating a religion, or a standard of “science,” that keeps people bound by the above mentioned factors: fear, guilt, violence, and intimidation.

        To tread outside the accepted jurisdiction of knowledge or understanding, or outside the rules of the institution, will bring fear. Questioning the present system, or doubting its effectiveness, or desiring to know more about God or whatever else you would like to understand than what the church provides, will bring guilt, at least for those who consider themselves dedicated followers. In this way, some churches or religions have tried to make such ancient sciences as astrology, yoga, meditation, or the deepest understandings of the soul, and much more, to look evil or even absurd, and, thus, be dismissed, or preferably even outlawed. We need to understand and recognize this pattern, which is used in numerous places in the world.

        In this regard, reports have been given about how huge libraries and collections of ancient and esoteric books have been destroyed or were kept out of circulation from the public. This indicates the methodical removal of various levels of spiritual and metaphysical knowledge from society, while claiming that anything other than the established doctrine of the church is satanic, evil, and hell-bound. The Christian Inquisition, for example, was a wonderful method of producing this effect. Even today we can see how some people are so influenced by this tyrannical tendency that they still are afraid of looking at anything other than what the Church condones. However, most of these people are totally unaware of the “pagan” heritage found in Christianity or Judaism, which makes it very similar to pre-Christian ways, but with a different name. It is practically the same medicine yet in a different bottle. To remove this understanding from public knowledge, it became necessary that whenever Christianity or other militant religions conquered a country or culture, the first thing that was done was to capture or destroy all of the ancient sacred texts, or the ways of its worship, such as the temples and deities. However, any organization that destroys the ancient knowledge and historical records of a civilization is never going to present the true history of the world, or the spiritual wisdom of any previous culture. In this way, the view of history is controlled and the population is kept in ignorance and under subtle restraint. And the people who are allowed to understand any of the truth are those of the elite or who are already in power.

        By taking a look at the history of the conventional or western religions, for example, a person can see to what extent such an institution will go to maintain power and control, especially when it feels threatened by what it does not understand. Furthermore, the dark history of some of the religions, for example, represents the fanatically narrow-minded side of it that has continued to the present day in the form of fundamentalists thinking that if a religion or culture is not Christian, or is not Islam, then it must be of the devil or against God. Or at least its followers will not go to heaven. Such fundamentalistic people are often ready to dismiss or criticize other spiritual paths and cultures without understanding them. They may see a ceremony or ritual of another religion and immediately say it is heathen or devil worship or Satanic, without realizing that it is the worship of the same Supreme Being that they worship.

        The point is that all people have to have the freedom to find themselves to the fullest extent on whatever path it takes, providing it is a bona fide or genuine path. So how do we make sure we can continue to have this freedom? By understanding each other and the different cultures of the world and the various paths of self-discovery. And by recognizing the value that they have to offer, as we find in the Eastern traditions, such as Sanatana-dharma. We must also bury our preconceived prejudices that are based on our immature feelings of superiority because, spiritually speaking, we are all the same. We just have to attain that spiritual vision to see the reality of it. And the path we take to do that is the only difference among us.

        One problem with the religions that primarily are based on belief and faith is that they can become an effective means of manipulating the masses who follow it. If you can convince people to believe that by doing something they can go to heaven, then you can get them to do almost anything. For example, Pope Urban II implied to the soldiers who were going out on the first crusade that if they died in the name of Christ, they would ascend to heaven and live in the association of God. Thus, they rode out to fearlessly and mercilessly conquer the “heathens” or non-believers, and were willing to die to reach heaven.

        This is the same effect we see with the Palestinian youth, that if they die in the name of Islam they will immediately go to the seventh level of heaven and take pleasure in wondrous gardens in the company of beautiful virgins. The more fantastic the heaven, the more hope and conviction will be seen in the followers. It is a pattern that anyone can begin to recognize once you are aware of it.

        Another problem with this is that the beliefs that are given to you to accept often change with time, or according to the needs of the church or mosque to keep a congregation. As explained in an issue of Newsweek magazine (August 12, 2002), the concept of heaven has changed with the ages. “Dante saw heaven as the universe, and Thomas Aquinas thought of it as a brilliant place, full of light and knowledge. In the 18th century, Emanuel Swedenborg imagined heaven as a tangible world, with public gardens and parks.” Nowadays you can imagine heaven to be whatever you need it to be. This gives impetus for you to do whatever you feel you should do for your beliefs, and have it justified by your religion. However, in actuality, in the Bible, the Koran, or Torah, there is little in the way of specific information of where or what is heaven. And this leaves much for the imagination, and allows the priest or Imam to say almost anything about it, which is then gobbled up by the gullible followers.

        Another problem with religious processes that rely mostly on faith and belief is that peer pressure and the need for conformity and acceptance or approval stifles and restricts one’s ability to develop or inquire to one’s fullest. We often see children tolerated for their deep and thoughtful questions on spiritual themes, while the adults fear to reveal their ignorance of the topics, or will even stifle a child’s inquisitiveness, or anybody else’s if they seem to ask too many questions. So such religions act like self-policing institutions wherein individuals are not encouraged to develop their own spiritual realizations or ask too many questions, or show any doubts or uncertainties regarding the teachings. They are encouraged to leave it up to faith and the dictates of the institution. They are told that we are not meant to know certain things, and that faith alone in a particular savior or the power of the church is enough to take you to heaven. But if you lack faith or question it, or do not follow the dictates of the church or scripture, you will not go to heaven. You will not receive God’s grace. Thus, you must look good in the eyes of the church authorities and your fellow members or there will be no room for you, and, thus, you will be sent to hell.

        The second kind of fear is the fear that you may be wrong, or the church and its doctrines may be wrong, or there may be weaknesses in its philosophy. So people become defensive of their beliefs, defending it like life itself. Thus, they condemn and criticize those who are of other religions without trying to understand them. Sometimes you can observe this amongst the sects in the same religion. We already see so many divisions within Christianity, as well as Islam and Judaism. And each one often feels they are the only ones that are true followers of Jesus or Mohammed, and all others are going to hell. So it can become extremely divisive even within the same faith, which then leads not only to quarrels but also to war, terrorism, and so many needless killings.

        In fact, some people of particular religions may feel it is their God-given mandate that when someone is a so-called non-believer, he should be converted and “saved” at whatever cost, and then deprived of any freedom to follow an alternative view. A person in another religion may brand “nonbelievers” as infidels, and thus feel it is his duty to convert, destroy, or even kill such a person. In either case, they may use coercion, manipulation, or simply take advantage of poor and vulnerable people to bring them over to their faith. And in both cases, the people of these religions feel they are doing God’s work, and that they are justified in what they do.

        The premise that all spiritual knowledge must be connected with one distinct or localized savior is itself a stifling factor in allowing individuals to progress in spiritual understanding. There is so much more that could be learned if they did not feel that if something is not connected with their particular savior or scripture, then it must be evil, Satanic or wrong. In this way, if it is not in the Bible or Koran, for example, they refuse to acknowledge the value of any additional spiritual knowledge if it comes from a different culture or source. Thus, they act with fear or contempt toward anything outside their own sphere of familiarity or acceptability, or like people who are proud of their own ignorance and narrow-mindedness.

        The straightjacket of Western theological dogma keeps a person from looking at additional resources that could supply answers for questions not considered in western thought, or at possibilities that are elementary in Eastern traditions. What is wrong with learning newer ways of connecting with our higher selves, and with each other and with God? What is wrong with allowing our hearts and minds to expand with new vibrancy, new insights and confidence? Why not allow ourselves new hope and understanding in regard to the purpose of the universe and the nature of God, even if we look to different sources of knowledge? Why not allow ourselves to take up the path that provides the means for direct perception of spiritual reality? Who knows what additional information we can add to what we already know, or newer ways to incorporate and develop ourselves into people who are better and more aware and spiritually developed. This is natural for those who participate in the Vedic system.

        In light of this it is interesting to point out that in 1991 a letter was released from the Vatican to the Bishops which criticized zen and such spiritual practices as yoga and meditation. The letter was written by Cardinal Ratzinger, who is now the Pope at the time of this writing, but the document was also approved by Pope John Paul II. The letter warned against the sensations of spiritual well-being that one gets from practicing yoga or meditation, and said that this could lead to schizophrenia, moral deviations, or even psychic disorders, and degenerate to a cult of the body. Now on what basis do they make these claims? Are they simply using fear tactics to dissuade people from investigating such paths? Of course, if one improperly practices a complicated form of yoga, such as kundalini-yoga, there may be some adverse affects. But for the most part, yoga and real transcendental meditation means to fix the mind and become absorbed, at least for certain lengths of time, on that which is transcendent, which is God. This is real spirituality. So what is wrong with this when this is the goal of any spiritual path? Why would they issue such a letter, unless they are once again simply trying to condemn every other form of religion? If this is the case, this signifies that they are not really interested in true spirituality or in helping people with spiritual advancement. They are more interested in control over their flock. Yoga and meditation have existed for thousands of years before Christianity ever came along. Why should people not look at other cultures to get answers and experiences that are not found in conventional Western religions? The reluctance to do so is merely a reflection of the fear and misunderstanding that people have. Nonetheless, many Christians have risen to new levels of understanding biblical teachings by studying and practicing various aspects of the Vedic path.

        We have to remember that a true religion paves the way for everyone to become spiritually aware, and to establish his or her own relationship with the Supreme. And the Vedic system is an ideal means for supplying that. If a religion is not based on the higher principles of self-realization, but is merely based on dogmatic rules and regulations that it forces on others, then it becomes a trap based on fear, guilt, oppression, and intimidation. One must not be afraid to break free from such a trap. It is greater to see God’s love manifested in many sages belonging to different traditions at different times and places, among different people. Thus, the Vedic spiritual knowledge is for everyone and can assist anyone in their spiritual development. After all, if I, a Westerner can do it, then anyone can do it.

THE FREEDOM IN VEDIC CULTURE

        It is refreshing to see that you usually do not have the kind of divisiveness or criticism that is described above in the Vedic system. It is much more open and provides the individual the freedom to pursue the level of experience that he or she needs for his or her own development and still be a part of the Vedic process. You can especially see this at such huge gatherings as the Kumbha Mela festival where millions of people come together from all aspects and schools of thought within the Vedic fold. It shows that anyone can pursue their own level of spiritual development and inquiry without being restricted from within an institution or church. One can become a part of whatever line of spiritual thought or practice one needs to be in and still be considered on the Vedic path, though there are various systems that bring a person to different levels of development, consciousness, and higher perception.

        For these reasons, India must remain the homeland of a living and dynamic Vedic culture. This will allow the world to retain some of the deepest knowledge and methods of attaining the most profound spiritual insights that have been known to mankind. Thus, India should defend itself from the risk of further partition or divisions of its land. If India is divided up any more, and portions of the country are taken by others, Vedic culture could dwindle or even be lost over the long-term, except for small colonies of Vedic practitioners here and there. This may indeed be what many people would like to see. Yet, if Vedic culture is lost, the world will not even realize the treasure of human development that will disappear. Then such deep spiritual knowledge and insights will begin to permanently fade away from society.

        Once India and Vedic culture is diluted or stamped out, along with other decreasing numbers of indigenous traditions within it, then in time the whole world will be fitted with the straightjacket of Western thought and strict monotheistic religion. Thus, it will be more easily controlled by the establishment, whether that be government or religious, etc. Then individual freedom for the pursuit of higher understanding and spiritual happiness will be limited to the constraints as dictated by whatever regional monotheistic views reign in that area.

        The Vedic culture and philosophy offers deep insights into spiritual knowledge that can be found no where else. It provides for levels of thought and knowledge of the soul and the Supreme and the spiritual reality that are hardly matched elsewhere. I can safely say this because I, having been raised a practicing Christian, also seriously studied in depth all the major religions, and continue to do so, before having studied and then taking up the Vedic path. The Vedic philosophy clearly outlines the processes by which a person can uplift or purify one’s own consciousness to perceive for themselves the spiritual strata and recognize one’s true spiritual identity, which is the essence of all spiritual progress, and from which all further development grows. Many are those noteworthy sages and saints of the past who have followed this path successfully, and left profound teachings for the rest of us. For this reason, Vedic culture is the last bastion of deep and genuine spiritual truth and freedom. It is a culture that allows full liberty of investigation for the individual to practice and reach the highest levels of spiritual perception known to humanity. This is also why it should be clearly understood and preserved for the benefit of all.